Relationship Not Relationship| Adultish

I am in a “relationship not relationship”. I don’t expect you to understand that though. I can’t say that we understand that either.

A lot of people lately have asked when Vegas Friend and I will “go public”. Well, I have news for you, never.

Wait, what?! Why?!!!

Because Vegas Friend and I were never supposed to last a year (holy crap how has it almost been a year). We were just good friends that had known each other for years. We were both safe, and compassionate people. We were both just there. I was going through a divorce and angry, lost, confused. Vegas Friend was starting over again as well. We were just two fucked up people who understood.

I would have never thought that I would be the one to have “meaningless” relationships. Vegas Friend and I will not get married. We have no plan on moving in with each other, or any other long term commitment. We are just REALLY good friends .

It’s so hard to explain Vegas Friend. Especially since I know he will read this and make fun of it- thanks. I love Vegas Friend- but not in that way. He has been with me since basically the beginning. He knows so much about me and has helped me overcome a lot of my anxiety and fears. He has taught me what it is supposed to be like when someone cares for you.

Now granted he also pisses me off beyond belief. He pushes me until I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. He keeps me within the lines of normal.

He is the hardest example the “next guy” will have to live up to. He is the person who I’ve called at 2am screaming in pain. He’s who taught me the joy and possibilities of life in general.

So I will take this relationship not relationship. Cherish every moment for what it is with out overthinking. I will continue to learn from Vegas Friend and he will continue to make fun of me- until we don’t. And that’s all there is.

Let’s Talk About Sex | Adultish

Honestly I can’t believe I am writing about this. I am a pretty modest person and I never air uber personal information about my “intimate life”. Yet here we are.

One thing that I don’t think people ever talk about is how sex is a GOOD thing. Let’s forget about marriage, gender, age, religion- forget about all of the rules. The common denominator of sex (regardless of if you’re married, gay, or dating someone of a different age) is that sex is the same- GOOD! And if it wasn’t good we wouldn’t be so obsessed about it.

Growing up I was taught that sex is only something that should happen between two married people. And I am not here to comment because that is one debate I do not want to dive into. But what I will say on the subject is this.

There are two kind of sex. The first is the kind of sex shared between two people who “care” for each other. The second is the kind of sex that is, well, sex.

Now let’s explore what it means to “care” for someone, shall we.

Caring for someone means you

  • Value their opinion or the points they make
  • Have compassion for them as a person
  • Wish success and happiness for them
  • Have an interest in their days, likes, dislikes

Caring for someone is the absolute basis of “love”, be it romantic or platonic. You want to care for the person who you are physically involved with, and you want them to care for you. Reason being is that this caring type of sex is an incredibly personal thing. There is no greater form of “exposure” than being intimate with someone. Trusting someone with your body and your soul.

I am not here to say to sleep around, or not to sleep around. I am, however, here to say “sex” is just an act of two people if you don’t care about each other. Sex with a stranger, an ex, a friends with benefits, those are all just sex. Just two people doing something together. No strings, or emotions needed.

I was talking to Vegas Friend about writing this blog and he mentioned that sex with someone you care about adds another dimension, there’s a level of depth (seriously no pun intended at all). Whereas sex with a random person or one night stand also adds another dimension for people, be it fun or just something new.

I am not here to shame anyone for any of their personal endeavors. Just keep in mind that your body is a temple, so other people (and you) should treat it as such, with respect and care. (PSA -good sex is safe sex, be smart you freaks)

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When You Have A Bonus Kid

So this is a topic I never touch on because I feel like it is way too personal and incriminating to the aliases I have made on my blog. But I have written many blogs that explain what happens when you have a “Bonus Kid” and just never published them. Welp- that’s all changing now.

You see, when Vegas Friend and I started to become “closer friends” we kept Bonus Kid out of everything. BK didn’t know about me, we weren’t around with each other and it was a non issue. Now from my past blogs you will know that I had an interesting upbringing and that has made me a very “Child Sensitive Minded” person- if that’s a thing. I am always very receptive to kids feelings and very in-tuned with what they are trying to say. I am very empathetic by nature, and maybe more so with kids.

So here we are. Vegas Friend and Bonus Kid, my new “normal” that feels so weird. Weird because I am #not trying to be Bonus Kids mom, and they know that. Weird because I am zero percent qualified to even drive a kid around with me- yet I do. This is a whole new experience of “kid” that I have never known.

I didn’t know I could love a kid that wasn’t mine, or have the school calendar memorized of Bonus Kids days off. I didn’t know there would ever be a time of me looking at a report card and being super proud- Bonus Kid isn’t just a silly goober, but a SMART silly goober.

That’s kind of the thing about “Bonus Kids”. They are the bonus to your relationship. The provide humor, random outbursts about how much they have to pee, ladle in twenty pound of garlic “accidentally” and leave crumbs all over the place. And then they leave and you miss them. Bonus in the sense that I can hardly stand most other peoples kids, minus good friends, and I actually like this one!

Bonus because I have learned SO MUCH through Bonus Kid, and I get to show BK new things, like art, or planting, or playing scrabble (although, have you ever played scrabble with a kid?! I am not sure I advise. Lol).

One huge lesson is that I usually have the patience of a saint with BK. I am never upset, never annoyed or frustrated. BK is a kid, and I am pretty good at remembering that. EXCEPT, for when I am not good at it. We had a “long” day of a lot of highs and lows. The day started off GREAT, and then I started not to feel 100%. I was really irritable and grouchy. Well, turns out Kids sense EVERYTHING. And by 7 or so at night and the longest day of life, BK inadvertently throwing plants towards my eyeballs and then just being hangry- something happened. I was so agitated and uncomfortable I just got up and went inside.

I just wanted to shower the plants and day off of me and get ready to go out to dinner. Vegas Friend and BK were a little surprised because I have never just gotten up and walked away before. I went in to shower and Vegas Friend came in. I was sitting on the shower floor, Uber upset because I just let BK know I was frustrated. Well, turns out BK started crying because she thought I was mad at her, and then I felt like total garbage. So I went in to talk to her. It took me back to being a kid and when my grandma would be upset with me. I would get so wrapped up in my feelings I would just start to cry. BK said, you’re always so calm and you always take my side and make me laugh, and tonight you just walked away. So pause here, and just hear my heart shatter in a million pieces. Yep. I felt like a TOTAL ASS. I just explained we all have good days and bad days, and as an adult I should be able to handle my emotions better, and that I was sorry. We talked for an hour on her bed while Vegas Friend was dying of starvation on the couch- then went to have steak. And steak fixes everything.

I don’t totally know if there’s a point to this blog, or a lesson to take away. But props to the actual moms with the actual kids who do this on the daily. A Bonus Kid is hard enough.