Death Of A Relationship| Breaking Up

I know, “death” might seem strong. But what else should we call this? The happiest time of your life? That would just be a lie and chances are if you’re reading this blog it’s because someone already lied to you, or broke your heart, and you’re going through a breakup.

It didn’t dawn on me until today that hot damn I am over my divorce.

Not that it was “easy” by any means. I still went through the phase of not eating. I layed in bed and cried, was angry, and sad, then confused. And then one day, I was over it.

First things first, you need to talk about it. Get it out of your mind, and your body. When you talk about it you will cry (I mean, not like you haven’t cried enough) and eventually all of that pressure goes away.

Get some chocolate- or chips- or something to eat that you can’t usually resist- because chances are you haven’t eaten in 5 days and no one can deny a guilty pleasure.

It’s okay to be angry. And it’s okay not to be angry. We all process things differently.

Get your mind off of it- not to an unhealthy level of course, but you still need to be a functioning member of society. Go to work. Find a new hobby. Take up running.

Consume your life with positivity. Just because this time in your life is an incredibly rough patch doesn’t mean you can’t try to find the silver lining in things. You want to overcome your break up, you don’t want it to overcome you.

Resist the incredible urge to TP the ex’s house. Maybe this belongs up with the anger phase but the burning desire to egg that house, or trash it is so intense. Resist. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.

Ignore that nasty saying that “they best way to get over someone is to get under someone”. Sex isn’t everything. You are more than welcome to do as you please, but you need to take care of yourself. If you are still grieving- wait until you’re done. It’s not like you want to be crying while you’re trying to “get under someone”. That’s just weird.

Talk to your friends about it- but only select friends. Don’t engage in conversations that are going to pull you down and make you question if what happened was right. You need uplifting people who can tell you “you got this, you’re going to be perfectly fine. So… go wipe the snot off your face and let’s go get something to eat because you look like the Thin Man”.

Count your blessings. Like any hardship we go through it is important never to lose sight of what really matters and of how lucky we are.

Make a plan with al your extra time and focus on YOU and your growth. Cuddle extra with your fur babies, start doing Yoga to heal you from the inside out, wake up to see the sunrise. Go attempt to paddle board to see if you like it, or if you’ll drown (disclaimer, I drowned).

And above all, know that it’ll be okay. Divorce, friend break up, romantic break up… you will live to see tomorrow and the sooner you get off the floor and stop sobbing the sooner you will see that to be true.

Vegas Friend | Tell All… (TMI)

 

We’ve known each other for years. We went on a “date” (really unsure if it should be called a date, complicated) the night I signed my divorce papers. Now- this was *not* a date. I am not like a total crazy person here who decided 4 minutes after getting a divorce that “I wanted to start dating”. We simply went to dinner.

We spent a lot of time together at first. We would get off work at about the same time, usually make some sort of dinner plans, and sometimes I would stay the night. Now this was also before the time that I drove, so Vegas Friend would pick me up and drop me off all the time.

Dinner, movies, get a massage, go to Vegas, stay in and watch Tosh.0- even weird mundane shit like grocery shopping- I didn’t drive and we both needed to go.

I needed to buy a car so I saved what I thought would be enough for a down payment. Vegas friend and I woke up one morning and he said “wanna go car shopping today?”. And no, I did not. At all. I thought I was going to DIE from anxiety. I wouldn’t even test drive any of the vehicles because I was too scared. I ended up finding my car, and when the dealership wanted X amount of money more for a down payment, Vegas Friend, without hesitation, offered it to me. And I really didn’t want to take it, and it felt weird- but I was also so close to owning that car that I accepted. And of course, I paid him back.

( Side note, I did end up calling Mom/Ass Kicker at the dealership where she was like BUY THE DAMN CAR- in a nice way of course>)

Now I still didn’t have my license and Vegas Friend and I would practice in my car all the time… But I couldn’t bring myself to take the driver’s test. Then one-day Vegas Friend called me on my shit when I was in Texas. Basically, said I didn’t drive because I was too scared to drive, and I was just holding myself back. And he was stupidly correct. So, I made an appointment, took the test and PASSED! Still probably one of the greatest feelings I have had in my life.

Vegas Friend and I have been to Vegas twice, Palm Springs, we do fun random stuff all the time. He helped me move into where I am living now

Now I know what you’re thinking- wow, this “friend” is awfully nice. And yep, he is. But I think it’s obvious by our Vegas trips and sleep overs that we are a smidge more than friends. It’s complicated though- I won’t marry Vegas Friend. He won’t marry me. We won’t ever say I love you, or live together- and we are both 100% okay with that. We have a very low maintenance kind of “relationship” that works for both of us right now- and when it doesn’t work, then we will talk about it.

But this is what I will say… even though I am super hesitant to say these things on a blog…

The things I have learned from Vegas Friend are amazing. (So please Mom/Ass Kicker/ any one else who doesn’t want to know TURN AWAY)

I love traveling.

I love stuffed jalapenos.

There’s no way to see a movie unless it’s with reclining seats.

Sex is supposed to be good for BOTH people.

Star Wars doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would.

Relationships should be built on respect.

Back rubs solve almost everything.

People who respect you will never physically hurt you- in any capacity.

Beignets are a special type of delicious.

Day drinking is acceptable when you are on vacation.

Life is too short to eat crappy food.

What makes sex good is being comfortable and honest with each other.

 

Shit Vegas Friend does that makes me smile-

Ties my hair in a ponytail when I make cookies so it’s not in my face.

Cleans my car window when he fills my car up (because I don’t like to pump).

Makes sure the heater is on when I come over.

Teaches me to put air in my tires.

Spends money on a henna tattoo for me, knowing it will wash off.

Pretty sure he almost called 911 one day when I was writhing in pain from cramps at his house.

 

Like I said, it’s REALLY complicated. And I am leaving a few key pieces out here as to why it is so complicated.

But it works, and if for nothing else to teach us both some more lessons in life with a smile- and a lunch buddy.