I Took A Pregnancy Test| Adultish

You know how you imagine getting pregnant… You take that pregnancy test and rainbows appear and angels fly out of the shower while you’re still in awe of that positive sign on the pee drenched stick… Yeah, that’s not exactly how this story goes.

When I was married I was getting really worried I was pregnant. I hadn’t had my period for maybe 5 or 6 weeks… I wasn’t PMSing and there was no sign of aunt flow. My then husband and I were weeks away from signing the final papers to buying our first home. I had just started a new job and the stress level was real.

I went to the dollar store and grabbed approximately nine million tests. Each negative- thank god. But then another week went by and still nothing. By this point we were both pretty freaked out. I mean, we talked about kids. We wanted kids. But not at that exact moment. I didn’t have insurance, we didn’t know how we would do it financially and we were both certain his family would have flipped out.

So after the negative tests my friends were even getting worried. They convinced me to buy another test and take it. I was going to wait until the morning because they say that’s what you’re supposed to do but I figured I was already 6 weeks with out a period and possibly pregnant, I doubt morning pee will be that much different. So I took the test and basically died when the positive sign glared back at me. There it was a light blue symbol of oh fuck that I didn’t know what to do with.

We were at his grandmas house when I took the test. I took a picture and sent him the photo on his phone. Covered the test and stuck it in my purse so his grandma didn’t find it and stroke out in the bathroom. I went into the family room and sank into the couch thinking only “Crap. Crap crap crap….”

My husband looked at his phone and went white as a ghost, looked at me, at his phone, at me again and then honestly looked like he might barf.

We made some lame excuse as to why we had to leave and the moment we got in his truck we both flipped the fuck out. Then got in an argument. Then apologized. Then I thought I might barf. We got home and barely spoke to each other. We agreed in the morning I would take another test.

All night I basically freaked out. Touched my stomach, questioned what we were doing, what kind of a mother I would be. Questioned if our marriage didn’t last what I would do. Wondered what his family would think. Wondered if I was ready for motherhood and to stay at home and raise a child. A million thoughts swirled in my mind and I barely slept.

Around 3am I couldn’t stand it anymore and ripped the pregnancy test box open to take the other tests. I waited my three minutes, knowing the results would freak me out either way.

Negative.

Not pregnant.

WHAT?! How can one test say positive and the other say negative? GOOGLE I NEED ANSWERS.

Apparently there are false positives, dye runs and all this other stuff.

I woke up my husband and told him I took the other test and that I wasn’t pregnant. His response was something like ” Thank God” then he rolled over.

I was slightly pissed at him thinking well if it said positive what would he had said? But now, that we are divorced and we never did have a kid together I am so thankful.

I love kids. But that scared the shit out of me. So I am good having a BK, or no kids, or just living with 96 cats.