Boyfriend/Anxiety/Vicious Cycles

I’ve been waiting on something extraordinary to happen, so I could fill the world in with what new “adult” like things I have learned. And not to say that I haven’t learned anything noteworthy, rather it’s just taken me an incredible amount of time to understand these lessons.

I searched a long time for inner peace. I worked really hard at being comfortable with where I was in my life despite some of the “uglier” things that I didn’t like. I was good, life made sense and I had my shit together.

And then all of a sudden life didn’t make sense. And I didn’t have my life together. I met a guy that totally flipped everything on it’s tail- and in no negative way at all. Suddenly I was in a place where I “missed” someone. I wanted to tell him things that were exciting or sad or happy or just tell him what I had for lunch. The little 24 year old divorced person became a 24 year old and “holy crap is this guy real” person. And that was a shock to my system.

My weekends were routine, and as were my work days. I knew the desires of my heart, and I knew what my soul needed at all times. And then it changed. My weekends became a delicious blur of two people playing in a kitchen and talking for hours. Work days became sprinkled with funny or sweet texts at the most opportune time and I was *living* for it.

Everything was perfect. So why didn’t I feel like it? I felt like I had met the most extraordinary man, someone who could be the literal definition of perfection, and yet I was struggling more than ever. And then it clicked- I wasn’t protected anymore. The little ice walls I built around myself after my divorce came down quite easily with this new guy. I let the walls come down without a second thought.

Once I realized I really liked this guy and that the feeling was mutual, everything became terrifying. Almost like a “this is too good to be true” type of feeling. For weeks I was overanalyzing things that people were saying to me, I could barely sleep, I was having a hard time being positive in my everyday life. It’s like subconsciously I decided that things were going amazingly and that now was as good a time as ever to self-sabotage.

This self-sabotage thing is so common for people to do. And we all do it, in one form or another, all in varying degrees. It basically stems from anxiety, fear and a belief that you are not good or important enough. For weeks my apartment was unbelievably messy. I was behind on laundry, behind with my blog, and just mentally not who I had been. *disclaimer, I was also quite sick for about two weeks during this time which didn’t exactly help the mental state* I was self-sabotaging my happiness, relationships, and even my laundry at that point.

And then, once I realized that self-sabotaging stems from anxiety and that annoying belief that you are not good enough I had an epiphany. Like anxiety and depression, this was a classic case of “vicious-miserable-cycle”. Example- you go home miserably sad and unmotivated and you lay in bed. You look at YouTube or go to sleep and neglect laundry or your responsibilities. This in turn only adds to the list of responsibilities you have and buries you even farther in your miserable state.

The only way I was able to break this cycle (with a lot of Tylenol and open conversations with my boyfriend) was to GET UP AND GO. I had to force myself to pick my room up, clear my email, deep condition my hair, and literally get my shit together. Sometimes we fall so far off of the path because we are sick, or going through a tough time. But it was comforting to know that I was not alone in this. Once I started in on the things I knew I needed to do it almost seemed like I was uncovering myself a little bit at a time. I didn’t let the stress or anxiety of what I was feeling control and dominate my life. Instead I pushed past that. I had to make a conscious decision to act against my anxiety and do the things I feared. Everybody has their ups and downs- but you have to appropriately deal with those low moments in order to truly get over them.

If you find you’re also in this slump, where you’re not depressed, but good lord you are just DONE for a bit, I recommend the following.

Do your most daunting task. And yes, it’s going to suck balls, but if you can get that one thing that’s keeping you awake out of the way, then you will be able to defeat ANYTHING.

Talk with a friend. Lay it all out on the line and just explode in your gross reality and listen to them when they say it will be okay.

Eat some good food and drink tons of water. You’re already dealing with stuff emotionally/physically so at least try to make sure you are trying your best to deal with your blood sugar and hunger pains.

Get out and go for a walk or a hike. Fresh air will do wonders.

And of course, always feel free to reach out and share how you have dealt with hard times too.

How To Kick Depressions Ass| Adultish

We talk about depression a lot on my blog because it’s a battle that effects so many people, and also has a nasty stigma around it. Here at Adultish, I try to break that stigma. I want to make sure that even though depression is real, and ugly, and can totally derail your life that you CAN kick it’s ass. Even when you don’t feel like you can go on for another day it’s totally possible to overcome.

You have to remind yourself that depression is an everyday battle. Not in a negative way, in a positive way! Every day is brand new, and some days are really good days! And some day’s are harder than others- and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. You cherish the good days and make lemonade with the bad.

What ever you do in the day, GET UP. You have to get out of bed, and I know it’s so hard especially with every thought you have being challenged by some other thought- but if you defeat even ONE thought you will win the war.

Take depression medicine if you feel comfortable with it. I can’t say my depression medicine is 100% good days, but I have much less bad days with it.

Know that it’s just your brain (and chemicals and hormones and all that crap too) but know that it’s only in your head. I don’t mean this in a jerk “it’s all in your head so just get over it” type of way. I learned I can literally catch myself slipping into depression and those thoughts and I have to tell myself NOPE- NOT TODAY. And then I usually get ice cream if I make it out of the house.

Know what makes you tick. I know for me if I get really lonely, or really overwhelmed it’s hard for me not to fall into the black hole of hating my life. Instead if I know I am going to be alone or overwhelmed I make plans or a mental note to occupy myself so I can try and stop the insanity before it happens.

Let your friends in to what is going on with you. I talk about this a lot but majority of the time if I tell Vegas Friend or Ass Kicker Mom that I’m having a bad day we talk about it for a while and then one of them forces me to get up, get out, move around, and just stop thinking about it.

I think it is totally possible to manage depression- but you have to take care of yourself and your mental state well enough to know when you are falling into depression in order to catch yourself.