Exhausted Because I Am Growing A Hippocampus

No but really it’s true. In my psych class right now we are studying all sorts of strange things. One project is a case report on a 7 year old girl. Now I suppose I could pick issues out left and right with the textbook by my side and I could diagnose this child with a million things. But one, morally that feels quite strange, and two… she’s 7.

So in reading pages upon pages and doing so much research I found that we have a hippocampus (okay, I already knew this exhisted, but bear with me). The hippocampus is largely in charge of aggression, emotion and memory. The hippocamps regulates emotion. So it’s kind of an important thing, right?

Well turns out it develops with you until you are about 285 when it is fully developed. So *basically* we have been making decisions with only have a brain for the first 25 years of our life. I feel like this explains so much.

All jokes aside, it was a interesting moment when I realized that we are still physically and emotionally developing. Maybe this gives excuse to our crisis break downs at 20 and how we can’t logically think through some tough areas in our life.

The hippocampus, though located in the limbic system therefore associated with emotions, memory and motivation is most highly involved with our memories.

Let’s do math. Memories + Under Developed Emotional Capabilities + Stress= 20 year old life crisis. This explains so much.

This explains how it is possible to be so emotionally exhausted. We are searching for answers our brains don’t even have yet. Working with undeveloped organs.

Even though we are adulting and kicking asses and taking names- we are still tired. It takes a lot of work to grow a hippocampus (I mean, probably. Not a scientist or anything). Just think about these things the next time you’re pissed because you don’t know why you feel a certain way or why you can’t emotionally work through something. And then blame your under developed hippocampus.

How To Kick Anxieties Ass| Collab w/ Nicculent!

Hello lovelies, and welcome back to Adultish! Now as you know if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time I am about as anxious as they come. I’m talking I can’t tie my shoes if I am hesitant about my breakfast choice kind of anxious. Anxiety is such a complex “thing” (let’s not call it a disorder just to be nice). Nicculent has done an amazing job at outlining what anxiety is, and how to tell if you have it. This is a collaboration we have worked hard on and to get the full effect make sure you check out her blog on this as well! In this blog we will talk about ways to manage your anxiety… and let me tell you, I have definitely found some tricks along the way!

Firstly, I think it’s really important to come to terms with the idea that you are anxious. I don’t believe in hiding your feelings and hoping they will go away. That’s the equivalent of putting a blanket over a pile of laundry and pretending it’s folded- while we have all been guilty, we are just lying to ourselves.

Now that you know you’re an anxious little bundle of emotions, try to rationally think about what it is that’s making you anxious. Take your anxiety as an opportunity to reevaluate your current situation and ask yourself what could be done to resolve the problem. This takes a tremendous effort to step outside of the “feelings” box you are in and enter a happier place.

This happy place can be whatever you want it to be. Think beach, forest, at home with your partner, with your parents, or alone in a bath tub with a bottle of wine (guilty). When you become anxious think about this happy place, it will lower your heart rate and allow your thoughts to swim a bit slower so you can actually *think* about what is going on.

While you are rationally thinking about your life and visualizing yourself in a tub as big as the Ganges river, your thoughts can either be happy or good. Usually when we are anxious we are also mean to ourselves. Thoughts like “why didn’t I do this, ugh so stupid!” swim around and that hammers us into an even more anxious little ball of emotion. Instead of letting your “mean voice” control the scene, allow the positive voice to come into play. Think “I know this didn’t go as planned, but what can I do now.”. When we think negatively we charge the vicious cycle of anxiety. When we think positively, we calm the cycle, we ground ourselves and become more realistic in our thinking.

Now of course not everything is that easy, and it takes a very strong mind and heart to implement these steps as they are mentally challenging. But what you already know about anxiety is that certain things will serve as triggers to your anxiety. For me, I am most anxious when my apartment isn’t clean, or when I don’t get enough sleep. Situations out of my control that make me anxious is when I think someone is mad at me. These things I might not have complete control over and to think my apartment can be immaculate at all times is just a psychotic thought I have given up on. So instead, I learned to change my approach. If I think someone is mad at me, I rationally think if I have upset them, and even if I have, I tell myself I can not allow it to steal my joy.

It’s not like everytime you are experiencing severe anxiety that you have to play along with these mind game mentioned above. Sometimes you need a quicker, more realistic “fix’. This is when I recommend the following:

  • Talk to a friend, let them in, and maybe cry a little. It’s good for your soul and you will feel lighter- I pinky promise.
  • Go for a walk outside. Sunshine helps with your mood so much, and getting your body moving will make your mind stop.
  • EAT. Make sure you eat something throughout the day. I have noticed if I accidentally skimp on meals that my anxiety is 10x worse. I think it is the sugar crash.
  • Write it out. Take all of your anxious little feelings and thoughts and give them another home other than your mind. As the words form on your paper let them stay there, and do not give them permission to come back into your thoughts.
  • Talk to a doctor. When my anxiety and depression was at its worse I went to the doctor and was prescribed medicine that helped me SO much. I was still able to function, and it gave me the ability to live my life. When I got off the medicine I was left with a better understanding of which situations should instill anxiety and which one’s my brain was taking too far.

I hope this blog was helpful to someone! These were my tricks along the way to becoming a less anxious person, and how I think I was able to really overcome being diagnosed with anxiety. I hope you check out Nicculents blog as well and show her some love!

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Coffee Catch-Up; Blog 1| Adultish

Welcome to a brand new segment of Adultish, what I am calling Coffee Catch-Up. If you didn’t already know, I have a mild addiction to coffee and I am not ashamed to say there are 5 unopened bottles of creamer in my fridge on standby. Okay “mild addiction” might be an understatement.

The idea of this new segment is to provide you all with a deeper view into my life, and how I am trying not to burn down my house and struggling to implement all 5 food groups into my daily life. It’s not going well so far.

This week is a little different than most. Vegas Friend is camping. Not like my kind of camping which includes hotels and showers, no. He’s going hard core and having to hike up a mountain just to send me a text about how bad he smells. Awe, so sweet.  I am house sitting for him, and bird sitting for his sister. Tweet Tweet.

It’s Memorial Day weekend, and the only sustenance that holds is that I get to enjoy a 3 day weekend. I did tell Ass Kicker Mom that I was a little bummed since Vegas Friend is out of town, and I’m slightly family”less” here in California. But then I remembered I have pretty intense social anxiety and I only like about 6 people in real life. I would rather be in my pajamas hanging with Tweety and making the occasional emergency starbucks run anyway. White Girl gone wild.

I will tell you that Tweety and I have one thing in common, Celine Dion. I have physically injured myself belting out Celine Dion. Like the obsession is REAL. Tweety over here might be just as obsessed as I am, chirping loudly at all the right sappy spots of her songs. He also likes Lucy Neville’s “There’s Light” as well. It’s pretty flipping adorable.

A few months after the divorce I took a pretty substantial break from school, and I just started classes again this week. I am a little nervous on how to manage time, and if I am smart enough. But I just remind myself that there are people working on their PhD with kids, and I am just a worry wart and need to cool it.

I decided that I wanted to implement some daily goals (that so far I have failed terribly at). Things like drinking enough water, eating at every meal, taking vitamins, walking 10k steps a day and doing yoga everyday. So far I have taken my vitamins everyday at the same time I drink my coffee, and we all know I don’t skip coffee. As far as yoga, I’ve worn yoga pants everyday, does that count? I am just over a week back from vacation so maybe I will give myself a break.

I have, however, done something crazy amazing. I was thinking about how I could ensure I wouldn’t go out and randomly spend money. I decided to leave my debit and credit cards at home (I live 3 seconds from work and Vegas Friend lives 2 seconds from my work so in case of emergency I would be totally fine). I’ve had to run work eerands and where I would have seen a yummy lunch option and bought it I just stuck to what I originally brought for lunch because I COULDN’T buy it without a card. It’s actually been awesome and I haven’t spent any money at all! I do think I am going to take out some cash and keep it as mad money though because it was HARD come PMS time not to buy 756 pounds of chocolate. We made it through though. Barely. Vegas Friend was scared for his life at a time or two.

That about sums up this weeks insanity. Stay tuned to see what crazy things I do (or don’t do) next week. I gotta go dance with Tweety to Celine.

 

 

The Struggle Bus

I don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I am the Struggle Bus. I am what you ride when shit gets too real to ride the Easy Train. Years ago I was the Easy Train, I was new and shiny, engine purred like a kitten and my Mercedes hood ornament was so shiny!But that was years ago. Now I don’t have a hood ornament, some ass-wipe kids took it. My seats are mostly metal, the cushions and fabric are torn off from extreme use, and age. I am kind of stinky, a mix of wet yuck and gasoline. I used to drive smoothly, but now my exhaust pipe blows black gunk and my engine might have a cat stuck in there. But, you already know who I am- who am I kidding.

I am the Struggle Bus. The “I forgot my matching shoe and to brush my hair” transit vehicle on your way to work. I drove you to the store with your last nineteen bucks. It was twenty but I hit a bump and a dollar flew out of the window. Oh, almost forgot to mention how the windows don’t roll up or down because they are cracked and have baseball sized holes in them. I think it gives me character.

I am the Struggle Bus. I am the reason you spilt a smoothie on your white pants before that meeting with your boss today. You know, the meeting where said smoothie-pants smelled up the entire 3rd floor conference room and people just looked at you as if you were a puppy who peed on the rug. I picked you up from that meeting too… except…..PS. You left your keys on the passengers seat and I have zip ties for door handles- so good luck on getting those back. I’m pretty innovative with zip ties.

I am the Struggle Bus. Everyone rides me from time to time. I am usually taking brand new moms to their baby’s first doctor appointment, you know, the one where the doctor freaks you out about everything and then you cry because your baby lost more than 10% of its body weight. Or sometimes I come and pick you up right after a night of intense drinking, I do that for a lot of people. Maybe that’s why I smell?

I know what your thinking. Why the hell would you want to ride the stinky-cat-engine Struggle Bus when you COULD ride the Easy Train? Cause the Easy Train is pretty sweet. Usually you ride it when you have more than twenty bucks for the week and clean pants. And the Easy Train is nice, actual seat cushions, and it doesn’t even stink!

But everyone gets to ride the Struggle Bus, it’s a right of passage. The type of lesson that makes taking the Easy Train feel remarkable. Rides that detour at “Get Your Life Together” and “How to Adult” Avenue. I don’t want you not to like me just because I am not “as nice” as the Easy Train- after all, he doesn’t have the life experience I do. I know I kind of stink, and I know the seats are sticky sometimes, but I have so many lessons to teach you. So please, next time you’re riding the good ole Struggle Bus, try to be appreciative of the things you do like, or think about how everyone has a turn on the Bus. It shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing, but just another learning experience, a part of life.

Love always,

Struggle Bus.

How To Save Yourself | Adultish

Have you ever had those days when you’re ten points past a healthy level of exhaustion? When all of your thoughts are swimming in your head at an unbelievable pace and you can’t think straight. The days when work clothes feel like a thousand pounds and deadlines are looming over your head? What do you want usually? A glass of wine, a movie, pizza, alone time to do “the dirty”, or maybe just take a nap- because let’s be real you need a shower.

If there’s one thing I have learned it’s that you are the only person that can save you- and no I am not talking about religion. I am talking about listening to your soul, your core, your deepest desires of what your mind and body needs- and then acting on those needs! When you are tired and achy in every way possible- these are the ways to save yourself.

Lifesaving. Tip- Numero Uno

STOP.

No really, just stop. Stop what your doing, stop what you’re thinking and just be. Listen to your breath, listen to what you know is true. Re calibrate your mind to all things right and pleasant. Listen to the birds, watch the rain fall, feel the wind. Consume yourself with the things that are not complicated. Just stop- and be.

Lifesaving tip- Zwei

Figure out what the issue or stress is- and make a plan. Because even though it would be awesome if things randomly fixed themselves, that’s totally not how life works. Instead we have to recognize that there’s an issue, come to terms with how we feel, figure out why we feel that way- and then kick ass and solve life’s shit. A goal with out a plan is just a wish.

Lifesaving tip- 3

This is actually like 47 tips in one, but when used together can raise the dead (dead-ish). When you’re dead and dying, go take a shower. Take your make up off, shave your body to naked mole rat status, clean your ears out- get yourself cleaned and revamped. Then go put on pajamas, or leggings (because there’s a difference, okay. Leggings *can* be pajamas, but they aren’t a generalized “pajama” article of clothing). And now, veg. Watch YouTube, lay on the couch and watch Netflix- recharge in any and every way possible.

You see, we are “dead” a lot.  We need to be “saved” or put back together, have a little R&R time and time again- and that’s okay! The most amazing things will happen when you learn that you can save yourself. You won’t stress as easily, because you’ll know there’s a remedy. You will be less likely to drive yourself into the ground because you will be in tune when things feel off kilter. And most importantly, well… you won’t be dead.

What life is about

You know that feeling when you’re driving and that one catchy AF song comes on. You turn the song up, way up, way way up… and you belt out the words and you do a little shimmy in your seat. The other drivers probably think that you’re crazy- but it’s your song.

You know that feeling when you’ve been at your desk for 7 hours and you’re planning to buy the necessary craft supplies for an excel voodoo doll, then your boss emails back saying “Awesome! Great work!” and you beam with joy, reconsider the voodoo doll and take a walk outside instead.

You know that feeling when you get home and then your phone rings- you took someones keys home and have to run back and return them. You get back to work and a conglomerate of students see you and thank you for whatever it was you did. It was an item on a list for you, a worry in education for them.

You know that feeling when you look outside and see the wind moving branches, and the leaves falling. It cleanses you.

You know that feeling when the kitchen counter is clean, and the house is silent.

You know that feeling when you’re at peace. You meditated, or prayed, or talked to a good friend.

You know that feeling of getting out of your head, away from the duties, drama, lists, demands- and you just breathe.

That’s what life is about, the little things. The small piece of chocolate placed on your desk. The coffee your coworker brought you. The funny memes on facebook. The sweet newborn baby pictures on instagram.

Life is so busy, hectic, chaotic, stressful, dramatic- but remember what it is about. Get out of your head. Go jump on the bed with your kids. Eat fruit roll-ups for dinner. Drive to the store for watermelon just because you want it. Remember where you came from and just breathe.

This is what life is about.