Exhausted Because I Am Growing A Hippocampus

No but really it’s true. In my psych class right now we are studying all sorts of strange things. One project is a case report on a 7 year old girl. Now I suppose I could pick issues out left and right with the textbook by my side and I could diagnose this child with a million things. But one, morally that feels quite strange, and two… she’s 7.

So in reading pages upon pages and doing so much research I found that we have a hippocampus (okay, I already knew this exhisted, but bear with me). The hippocampus is largely in charge of aggression, emotion and memory. The hippocamps regulates emotion. So it’s kind of an important thing, right?

Well turns out it develops with you until you are about 285 when it is fully developed. So *basically* we have been making decisions with only have a brain for the first 25 years of our life. I feel like this explains so much.

All jokes aside, it was a interesting moment when I realized that we are still physically and emotionally developing. Maybe this gives excuse to our crisis break downs at 20 and how we can’t logically think through some tough areas in our life.

The hippocampus, though located in the limbic system therefore associated with emotions, memory and motivation is most highly involved with our memories.

Let’s do math. Memories + Under Developed Emotional Capabilities + Stress= 20 year old life crisis. This explains so much.

This explains how it is possible to be so emotionally exhausted. We are searching for answers our brains don’t even have yet. Working with undeveloped organs.

Even though we are adulting and kicking asses and taking names- we are still tired. It takes a lot of work to grow a hippocampus (I mean, probably. Not a scientist or anything). Just think about these things the next time you’re pissed because you don’t know why you feel a certain way or why you can’t emotionally work through something. And then blame your under developed hippocampus.

Relationship Not Relationship| Adultish

I am in a “relationship not relationship”. I don’t expect you to understand that though. I can’t say that we understand that either.

A lot of people lately have asked when Vegas Friend and I will “go public”. Well, I have news for you, never.

Wait, what?! Why?!!!

Because Vegas Friend and I were never supposed to last a year (holy crap how has it almost been a year). We were just good friends that had known each other for years. We were both safe, and compassionate people. We were both just there. I was going through a divorce and angry, lost, confused. Vegas Friend was starting over again as well. We were just two fucked up people who understood.

I would have never thought that I would be the one to have “meaningless” relationships. Vegas Friend and I will not get married. We have no plan on moving in with each other, or any other long term commitment. We are just REALLY good friends .

It’s so hard to explain Vegas Friend. Especially since I know he will read this and make fun of it- thanks. I love Vegas Friend- but not in that way. He has been with me since basically the beginning. He knows so much about me and has helped me overcome a lot of my anxiety and fears. He has taught me what it is supposed to be like when someone cares for you.

Now granted he also pisses me off beyond belief. He pushes me until I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. He keeps me within the lines of normal.

He is the hardest example the “next guy” will have to live up to. He is the person who I’ve called at 2am screaming in pain. He’s who taught me the joy and possibilities of life in general.

So I will take this relationship not relationship. Cherish every moment for what it is with out overthinking. I will continue to learn from Vegas Friend and he will continue to make fun of me- until we don’t. And that’s all there is.

Not Getting Divorced

I guess I should have known that this was going to happen.

It seemed really obvious from how things went in the beginning.

There have been so many on and off again struggles with this divorce.

My divorce STILL is not final. I got the email from his lawyer yesterday letting us know that the judge still had not signed the papers- still married, going on a year of trying to get a divorce. At this rate it seems as if I we are not EVER getting divorced. I will be 78 years old with fourty-seven plants and still be married to him.

#LifeGoals #ThePlantsNotTheMarriedPart

He and I are amicable. We don’t argue anymore and if ever I want to see the puppy he always lets me.

So it’s not that I want to be divorced because I am grouchy with him- not at all. It’s mostly just for the sake of taxes and because of financial aid for school.

It does feel weird though, because even though we aren’t legally divorced yet, if people ask if I am married, I tell them “oh no, I’m divorced”. “Divorced” seems to be the dirty “D” word now. Where people hear you say DIVORCED as if it’s the key phrase of a Satan chant and everyone looks at you like the “D Word” is contagious. I find it especially interesting when people find out I am going through a divorce because I look much younger than I am- and as if (to some) divorce isn’t bad enough, now I’m SIXTEEN and divorced. Eye. Rolls. All. Day.

But he and I actually spoke not too long ago. I called him to basically say thanks for the divorce- which I know is SO WEIRD. But I grew so much from it- and I am really happy in my life. And I think and hope that he is happy too. Both of our lives are going in completely different directions, and I am reminded with every new step he takes in his life how much I enjoy mine.

It is a smidge weird though- I won’t lie. To be nonchalant with a man you were in love with and share a bed with. The man who saw you at your everything. Aaaand, now you guys are just random people who sometimes need signatures or over the phone approvals to switch names over.

Somethings in life are just weird and freaky- and I think that’s all there is to it. So maybe in another 6 months/ year I will post again and actually be divorced.

But don’t hold your breath 😊