Stop Letting Things Make You Miserable

A theme I’ve seen lately is that everyone I know, sometimes even including me, is just miserable. Maybe we are miserable because our kids are bouncing off the walls or financially we are miserable because no matter how we save we can’t seem to get out of debt. Maybe, and perhaps the worse, is that we are miserable because of our job or our relationship- two things that take an enormous chunk of time and emotion to deal with.

I’ve struggled with these feelings as well, and I think it’s pretty normal for the ebb and flow of how life goes. One good day, two bad. One good kid, one kid mooning their kindergarten teacher. Such is life.

But being miserable? That is not a part of life.

Let’s clarify. If your hamster dies, you can be miserable. That’s sad and it hurts, and then after some time it’s not so painful and no longer miserable. BUT. If your relationship makes you miserable because Nancy accidentally made that dinner you hate or Will was abducted by a demigorgon (sorry, playing Stranger Things the Game right now) those are not “miserable qualifiers”.

Here’s why: if Nancy made you dinner and you hate it, make your own dinner. If Will was abducted, go find his stick self! If your boss gets angry because you were late turning in a project and now you’re in trouble- don’t turn in late projects! This isn’t to say that we need to do everything ourself for things to work out- this is to say we need to take some responsibility for our own happiness and stop waiting around for other people to fulfill that.

Now I know it’s not that easy, especially with kids. Your child will continue to stick boogers under the table while you’re not looking- that’s their sole job right now. They will “accidentally” forget to clean out their lunch box for the 6th time in a row and you really shouldn’t be surprised by that.

Kids will be assholes. Bosses will be assholes. Sometimes partners will be assholes. AND THAT IS NORMAL. (I bet even sometimes you’re an asshole too. It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone)

The thing is- you can’t change a freaking thing about this. You can’t hold your kid upside down until they promise to clean their room, or force your spouse to take out the trash if they don’t want to.

But this is what you can do.

  • Find a new job
  • Talk with your spouse (likelihood they know they are being an ass is pretty slim)
  • Find a creative outlet where other people don’t mess up your beautiful things and you can find something to cherish within the world of assholes.
  • Realize you can’t control others or make them do anything they aren’t willing to do
  • Learn that any change you want to see starts from within
  • Stop expecting to be happy all the time and stop beating yourself up when you have a bad day
  • Know that everything is temporary
  • Know that things really aren’t that bad, you’re just in the midst of it and so it seems bad.
  • Stop making excuses and blaming other people for your downfalls and start taking initiative.

You see. You can’t change Nancy, or Will, your spouse, boss, friend, kid, parents. You can only change YOU and the things YOU do. The sooner we realize that and start to take some initiative the better things will be.

6 Ways To Get Serious About Blogging| Adultish

Adultish will be a year old in September and I am pretty excited for her birthday! In essence, I have a one year old. I spend a lot of time checking in on Adultish, cleaning her, feeding her new blogs, interacting with her through all of you guys… A blog is a commitment- at least if you want to do it right! And chances are, if you stumbled across this blog you too want to do it right! Kudos to you for doing some research, you’re ahead of the game!

1. Find a few blogs to follow that you consider to be inspiration. Personally for me this is a toss up between Damn Girl, and Kalyn Nicholson’s entire life. To do this, search for any like minded people in the Discover area and sort by DATE not by relevance. Apparently (learned this through research) the first hour your blog is live is super important. Being able to find other peoples blogs will give you a community to talk with but also it also gives you fresh perspectives on how to live your own life or things that you might want to implement.

2. Invest in your blog. I will always recommend investing in what you believe in. Invest time, invest money in books, money for a cute blogging atmosphere, and of course money for COFFEE. Cause you will need lots of it. Think about it like a class, you need to study, do some research, and spend some time digging deeper so that you can get the full picture. Blogging is the same way and if you want something you have to work for it.

3. Find your niche. Find the one thing that sets you apart from other people, and be unapologetically you about it. This could mean that you are a feminist, a straight laced Christian, or a divorced 24 year old who loves Jack and Coke and the F word (but also puppies). You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea- but you do need to be true to yourself.

4. Take a ton of photos! This is something I don’t usually do unless I am on vacation, but your readers want to see what you’re up to, and a picture is worth a thousand words (words you don’t have to type).Take outfit photos when you’re amazed at your style skills and take photos of your disaster room and show the world because that’s YOU being YOU and that’s exactly what people want to see.

5. Pay it forward. I will always be one to feature other bloggers on my blog because if I love them, I know you will too! Featuring other bloggers is a way to cross followers and build your own following while helping a friend out as well. I read a lot of other blogs and it helps me become a better person. Maybe I can tell you How To Kick Anxieties Ass, but another blogger can tell you About Anxiety to begin with. We all work together and each of us are able to speak to different people, on different levels, about different things. You sharing a blogger might be the way someone learns about dealing with depression, or having a positive mindset.

6. Let people know what you’re doing! Vegas Friend was completely unaware that blogging was an actual thing… and now he takes 99% of the photos you see. My friends read my blog and some even share them. It’s nice to have support. It’s also nice for friends to read a blog and get a download of your life and stay in touch. When you are on your blogging platform, go back to the search tool and look for blogs like yours- comment something true and authentic and lead them back to your blog! I have found that people who are true and authentic are always ones I feel comfortable reading.

Above all, remember to love what you are doing and be passionate about your blog. Readers sense fake people, and nobody likes a fake person! Once I truly opened up on my Coffee Catch Ups I was greeted with a lot of compassion and “omg, me too!” comments. It was nice to let the guard down and just be real about my current life happenings. I hope these things were helpful to you and that you (at least) implement one of these items into your blogging goals.

 

July Goals| Get Your Life Together

If you didn’t already know I have a mild obsession with getting my life together and staying organized. I have written several blogs about GYSTing and just getting your life together in general, I will link them down below in case you’re in a stalking mood. One thing that I really love to do is set goals for each month. June was a good month, I got a lot of stuff done and went to Vegas- so really, who could complain? We are already SEVEN months into 2018; how did this even happen?

 

Now some months I have extravagant goals like building a pyramid out of butter, but this month I am taking it easy, relatively.

 

My first goal is to continue to save money. I have a few extra things coming up that will add income to my life. My goal for 2018 was to have X amount of money saved up, and July is going to be a huge stepping stone to accomplish that goal. If I don’t spend it all on food first.

 

Second, I mentioned a few blogs ago I wanted to start taking vitamins, well I bought them… and for maybe two weeks took them. So now the goal is to CONSISTANTLY take vitamins. Why is this so hard for me?

 

I need to buy tires. Probably don’t NEED to buy them this month but everytime I drive I am reminded I need to buy them and it’s stressing me out. This will be the month.

 

Selfishly, I have decided I need a little more “me” time. I have also really gotten back into reading again so I am making it a goal to finish a book this month. I know that doesn’t seem hard at all, but with a full time job, full time school, blog, and extreme anxiety and OCD, completing a book seems like a dream to me.

I want to schedule posts 2/week on Adultish. I did to the May Blog A Day (31 blogs straight) so I *should* be able to write two a week… but for some reason this just seems daunting!

And then, random as hell, my last goal is just weird. I just want to remember to put lotion on everyday. It’s dry and hot here, okay?

 

As you can tell, these goals are for sure easier than some of my other ones- but these are the things I want to focus on. I’m weird, I know.

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 GYST Day Blog 

 Spring Clean Your Life

Get Your Life Together

How To Survive When You’re Barely Alive 

The Liebster Award and Other Random Tidbits

The one and only Severus Snape nominated me for the Liebster 2018 Award. Which is AH-May-ZING. It’s also like a whole little assignment in and of itself, seven components, write a paper, find the blood of a virgin- I mean this is SERIOUS stuff here. All jokes aside I am really grateful to be nominated and to have the chance to shout out some other bloggers as well!

 

The rules and regulations:

 

  • Religiously thank the person who nominated you. (when you thank them remember they had to spend hours writing this same blog as well. You the real MVP.)
  • Blast photos of the award on your blog. Work it.
  • Write a tear filled segment of why you love blogging and explain how it’s the coolest thing since sliced bread.
  • Provide ten random facts about yourself (This is what I am most worried about. I am a WEIRDO)
  • Answer the questions your fellow nominator has given you.
  • Create more questions for your nominees to answer
  • Nominate enough people to create a Brady Bunch family.
  • Comment on the blog post from the Global Aussie with a link DIRECTLY to your Liebster Award nomination. Gotta show proof my friends.

 

I actually talk about how legit blogging is ALL THE TIME. It’s this beautiful outlet you can use to not only help yourself and mentally work through some complicated things in your mind, but also to reach so many people! I’ve found so many people through my blog, had some of the strangest conversations and laughed thanks to other bloggers. It’s a “hobby” that can turn into so much more.

 

When I started Adultish I had actually started 4 other blogs previously. Even paid an unforeseen amount of money towards one… I don’t even remember what those blogs were called and after two weeks I forgot the log in. My debit card did get billed for like six months after though. #MyBad.

 

Wait. Was that number one of the “ten random things”??

 

NUMBER TWO-  I can wear whatever I want to work but I basically wear a uniform. I bought navy, white, black and tan skinny jeans from Hollister. I wear those with my  amazon flats (that I have in 5 different colors). And BOOM! Easiest outfits ever.

3 .I almost bought a fish this weekend. ALMOST. Turns out Petco was closed and the thought of buying fish tank accessories that may or may not have matched the fish (yes, I just said “match a fish”) really freaked me out.

4. I am a TOTAL control freak. Like imagine the most type a person imaginable, multiply it by ninety-seven and that’s me. But I know how I am and so I try really hard to make sure I am nice and sweet to make up for how crazy I am.

5. I LOVE to organize. Take me to the dollar tree and sit me in front of a hoarders house and I would love you forever.

6. I am currently reading The Power of Now, as recommended to me by the fabulous Kayln Nicholson, and Oh-Em-Geeee it’s so good. Every page deeper into the book I get the more I am mind blown.

7. If I eat anything that has dairy or gluten I bloat so intensely I could pass as 4 months pregnant. Does that stop me from eating those things? Absolutely not. *shoves another handful of Rolos into mouth*

8. I have a headache what seems like e v e r y s I n g l e d a y. I’m sure I will die from it one day.

9.I will never turn down Paneras Tomato Basil Soup.

10. I don’t think I will ever be the kind of person who will have an organized sock drawer. It’s just not in the cards for me.

There. 10 random things about me. I am surrounded my Rolo wrappers already. Send help.

Severus Snape had some questions:

Q: If time travel were an option, what would you have done with it?

A: Shot Hitler.

 

Q: If the Internet was a person, what would it have said for mankind?

A: Hmm. Probably something along the lines of “huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening, I was on Pinterest”

 

Q:If characters from novels were real, which of them would you like to be friends with?

A: One fish and two fish. Maybe the red fish and blue fish.

 

Q: If you had a superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it?

A: FLY. Like everywhere.

 

Q: If our pets could talk like us what do you think they’d say to you?

A: “More treats, bish”.

 

So here we go, here are my nomination for the Liebster 2018 Award

*drum roll please*

TERI AGAIN

Anna B

Nicculent

Cherishing Flo

Saving Joyfully

SheDesignedALifeSheLovedHTX

Johnzelle

JulieCares

So if your name is on this list you get to do all the fun things I did- and answer these questions. May the odds be ever in your favor.

1.If there was one lesson you could instill in another person, what would it be?

2. What is one quote you live by?

3.People say that first impressions are everything; what do you hope people take away after meeting you?

4. What is one thing that will undoubtedly turn a bad day around for you?

5. If you could have any animal in the world, like even a chinchilla, what would it be?

 

That’s all folks! We did it!

 

And now I need a nap.

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To The Bloggers That Be| Featured Blogs| May Blog A Day

Herein lies my list of blogs I run to for humor, solace, life advice, and well… to be nosey.

When I first started my blog I really didn’t know what I was doing at all and I just wanted to speak my mind about more taboo subjects. In 7 months I have just shy of 200 followers and a whole new group of friends because of it. So, here’s to you for reading, comment, liking and following.

You’re the real MVP.

Julie Cares

She’s one of the most genuine bloggers I know, so nice and very engaged with commenting and giving back. Also, super active on IG. We joke about meet ups and being intoxicated. Watch out world.

Andrea Joy over at Saving Joyfully

-She has some really great ideas on saving, cheap things to do, and tons of blogs on birthday discounts. She also may or may not be the reason I am dying to buy a nespresso machine. OOPS!

Shanda on My Anxious Heart.

We “met” in an online “Young Wives” group… you know, when I was still married. Though I’m not in that group anymore I do love to keep up with some of the girls I knew. Shanda was born with a heart condition and has some lovely anxiety (hints the blog name, Anxious Heart). She’s a newly wed, and a total sweet heart.

Alys at Alys Journals 

She is one of my newest finds but has SO MANY BLOGS and a huge following. She writes about anxiety, things she’s learned in her twenties (hi, yes can you download straight into my brain) and has some really awesome blogging tips I am not get qualified to write about.

Jacque on SheDesignedALifeSheLovedHTX

We are actual real life friends and have way more in common than what you want to know. She is allll about traveling, fashion, being the cutest blonde of life and just a down right awesome human. You my faveeee.

Do yourself a favor and check out these blogs, save yourself some money, ooh and ahh over someone elses vacay, and remember to pay it forward. Since we are talking of paying it forward I want to pick YOUR brain. For the whole month of May I will be posting everyday. Let’s call it- May Blog A Day (because I’m not the most creative person). This means I will be collabing with YOU and your favorite blogs. Let’s interview you, collab, meet at Starbys and wreak havoc.

Ways to Collab

  • Email me over at tobeadultish@outlook.com
  • Comment on this blog and let me know!
  • Join me on May Blog A Day

Or don’t and be a rebel- whatevs.

 

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My New Place Ft. Vegas Friend

You know how some people say that if you put something out into the universe that it is more likely to happen? Well I guess it’s true! After the divorce bomb dropped I just needed a place to stay and ASAP. Affordable and safe were my only two criteria. Then as time went along and I started to grow more into who I am now I began to really crave my own space. If I could swing it financially (I live in SoCal…. Real estate here is insane) I would have my own two bedroom apartment… However I am not rich so that was not an option. But I did know I wanted a place to call home, something that was private, judgement free and gave me the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted.

So, 27 days into the new year that’s exactly what I found! Now the humorous thing here is that in December I had a magic 8 ball at Mom/Ass Kickers house and it said I was going to be moving. Thinking I should buy a magic 8 ball for all of life’s questions now.

A friend of mine told me about this place that she knew was for rent. I went to see it and right after called Mom/Ass Kicker, practically screaming “IT’S PERFECT!!!”. Later that same night I stayed at Vegas Friends house and explained all of this to him (ps, if you haven’t figured it out, Vegas Friend is a “him”). I think he met me with normal apprehension, making sure I thoroughly thought all of this through and wasn’t making a rash decision- he’s good at that.

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So then I was left to tell my roommate, which you can read about here. And buy a bed, a spatula, and eighty-five other things I didn’t know I needed until I realized you basically can’t function without them.

All of Saturday I spent going back and forth between old house and new house, loading my car up and trekking my belongings up the steepest stairs known to man. Sunday I made eleventy-million (yes, it’s a number) trips to everywhere to buy last minute items and unpacked the last of my things in anticipation for the work week.

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My car has stuff all over it- I have never had a dirty car. I have milk, sandwich makings, and coffee creamer in my fridge. But hey- my entire “house” is decorated! Excluding the kitchen cause it’s ugly and I am not set on what I will do with it yet.

Vegas Friend came over Sunday night before we went to dinner to check out my new Home Sweet Home. He did a somewhat safety inspection, told me to get a new lock for my door and generally approved- then laughed at the kitchen.

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This feeling is amazing though. Having my own space. Being responsible for only me, never having to talk to anyone else. It’s magical!

 

 

7 Ways to Survive When You’re Barely Alive| Adultish

I got inspired to write this after I sent off my ten positives to Mom/Ass Kicker (if you don’t know what I am talking about click here). I was laughing at the half-ass things I have learned that have made me *seem* like I know what I am doing- but I TOTALLY DO NOT. And then it made me think about all of the things that I have figured out within the past eight-ish months or so.

First things first, COFFEE. My life would be nothing with out coffee. Between post-divorce insomnia and an anxious mind I rarely sleep and if it weren’t for coffee I don’t think I would even manage to put my shoes on the right feet. This is also what helped me get my Starbucks Gold card in… uhm… no time flat.

Plan Ahead- this is one of those things that you do not want to do- but once you do it just once or twice you learn the value of it. Example: setting out your clothes the night before. I always want to just climb in bed and go to sleep- but then I realize that when I don’t set my clothes out the night before I end up with a tornado of clothes, running late for work, and ultimately stressed. Planning ahead can be as simple as setting your clothes out/ meal planning/ anything that promotes simplicity.

Dry shampoo- it is your friend, your best friend. Home girl does NOT have time to do my hair everyday, and survey says washing your hair everyday isn’t healthy for it- so dry shampoo yourself up and gain some more time in your life. Conversely- shave your head. I have thought about it. #noshame

Live by the “one touch” rule. Basically this is where instead of coming home from work and putting your coat, keys, bag, phone all on the couch “to move later” you just put it away. This might seem like more work than what you want to do- but the alternative is a messy AF house with shit everywhere and you being uber overwhelmed.

Live a life of simplicity, especially if you’re basically dead to begin with. Go back to basics- clean up your living environment, minimize, sort through the things that are clouding your mind and your life and embrace only the things that bring you joy #ThanksKonMari. When you do this there is a feeling of relief, a weight lifted off your shoulders knowing you’re not stepping over shit you don’t need, emotionally or physically.

Devote one day to GYSTing. I talk about this a lot on Adultish mainly because it’s how I survive. I pick one day, usually Sunday to fill up my car, do my laundry, restock coffee, ensure I have enough creamer for the week, clean out my car and anything else that was neglected over the week. In doing this you never get overtly behind in anything.

Develop a routine. A night routine/GYST routine/ morning routine- develop any sort of regimented protocol you can follow to help with getting your life in order. Doing so helps ensure that you get what needs to be done done and routines are just all around good for your soul. Develop a “self care” routine. Journal, meditate, listen to your favorite radio station getting ready, collect crystals- do something that feeds your soul, especially when it is already feeling depleted.

And as always, if you don’t know what will feed your soul, if you don’t have routines set in place that work for you, or if you just plain old don’t even know where to start- just go stalk the blogs I have written. I learned a crap ton of hard lessons- so maybe I could spare you of some.