Stop Letting Things Make You Miserable

A theme I’ve seen lately is that everyone I know, sometimes even including me, is just miserable. Maybe we are miserable because our kids are bouncing off the walls or financially we are miserable because no matter how we save we can’t seem to get out of debt. Maybe, and perhaps the worse, is that we are miserable because of our job or our relationship- two things that take an enormous chunk of time and emotion to deal with.

I’ve struggled with these feelings as well, and I think it’s pretty normal for the ebb and flow of how life goes. One good day, two bad. One good kid, one kid mooning their kindergarten teacher. Such is life.

But being miserable? That is not a part of life.

Let’s clarify. If your hamster dies, you can be miserable. That’s sad and it hurts, and then after some time it’s not so painful and no longer miserable. BUT. If your relationship makes you miserable because Nancy accidentally made that dinner you hate or Will was abducted by a demigorgon (sorry, playing Stranger Things the Game right now) those are not “miserable qualifiers”.

Here’s why: if Nancy made you dinner and you hate it, make your own dinner. If Will was abducted, go find his stick self! If your boss gets angry because you were late turning in a project and now you’re in trouble- don’t turn in late projects! This isn’t to say that we need to do everything ourself for things to work out- this is to say we need to take some responsibility for our own happiness and stop waiting around for other people to fulfill that.

Now I know it’s not that easy, especially with kids. Your child will continue to stick boogers under the table while you’re not looking- that’s their sole job right now. They will “accidentally” forget to clean out their lunch box for the 6th time in a row and you really shouldn’t be surprised by that.

Kids will be assholes. Bosses will be assholes. Sometimes partners will be assholes. AND THAT IS NORMAL. (I bet even sometimes you’re an asshole too. It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone)

The thing is- you can’t change a freaking thing about this. You can’t hold your kid upside down until they promise to clean their room, or force your spouse to take out the trash if they don’t want to.

But this is what you can do.

  • Find a new job
  • Talk with your spouse (likelihood they know they are being an ass is pretty slim)
  • Find a creative outlet where other people don’t mess up your beautiful things and you can find something to cherish within the world of assholes.
  • Realize you can’t control others or make them do anything they aren’t willing to do
  • Learn that any change you want to see starts from within
  • Stop expecting to be happy all the time and stop beating yourself up when you have a bad day
  • Know that everything is temporary
  • Know that things really aren’t that bad, you’re just in the midst of it and so it seems bad.
  • Stop making excuses and blaming other people for your downfalls and start taking initiative.

You see. You can’t change Nancy, or Will, your spouse, boss, friend, kid, parents. You can only change YOU and the things YOU do. The sooner we realize that and start to take some initiative the better things will be.

Ball Induced Heart Attack| Adultish At The Gem Fair

One of my favorite things to do as of the last year or so is to explore, or see new things, get out- ANYTHING that has a twinge of discovery I seem to be obsessed with. This weekend my discovery session was AWESOME. Vegas Friend sent me a picture of the back of a bus one day (random, I know) and there was an advertisement for the Gem Fair. My response was probably “YAAAAS!” With some added in heart eye emojis of course. I did tell him he was a silly man though, why would he tell me about the Gem Fair when he knew he would just get roped into going? He might have instantly regretted that decision, but like a good Vegas Friend didn’t bail. Props to you my friend, props.

There were SO MANY THINGS TO SEE that at some point it just became overwhelming. I was a kid in a candy store. Rows of crystals, geodes, beads, jewelry, palo santo, sage. There was this one awesome table, pretty big in the middle of the fair. They must have had every type of crystal and “hippy” type thing you could think of. Along with some gorgeous singing bowls. But, I am not going to lie, the guy manning the table looked like he would sell his grandmas kidney on the black market for a five dollar bill. I scurried past that one.

I stopped for a bit where there were a lot of the larger crystal clusters, some so amazing you just wonder if they are real. How are they real? How are there still crystals considering everyone’s fascination?

There were some awesome Chakra wands, and even a rose quartz wand with the 7 chakras at the top and a crystal ball as a topper. Stinkin awesome! Hindsight’s 20/20- definitely should have gotten one but it was #expensive and I am #notrich.

Then Vegas Friend ended up surprising me with two things I think he knew I wanted. There is “Tigers Eye” and then there is “Cats Eye” but I did not know there was a difference until today. I saw this beautiful ball (okay, it’s probably not called a ball but I don’t know what it is called, so… ball) of Tigers/Cats eye, but it was 100 bucks!!!!! So I walked away REAL fast and scoffed about it to Vegas Friend. As we were leaving Vegas Friend says “oh here” and hands me what looks like the Tigers/Cats eye. I almost freak thinking he’s lost his mind and said “How much was this?!” He goes “70 bucks” and I think I died… then he said, nope- kidding. It was eight dollars”. And that’s the story of how I almost had a ball induced heart attack. Which ever is more expensive, I now have a ball of the cheaper one.

This was super fun to go to, and now I have a few small trinkets to add to my collection!

If I’m Being Honest |Adulting is Hard

Then I would say a lot of things that would make you think differently.

Because honestly I have no clue what I am doing in my life. And honestly I almost quit 7 times today. And I want to find some sort of happiness in the day and wine seems like it would do that. I want to go to sleep and have a dance party at the same time. I want to buy all of the things that I have seen lately because society tells me that it brings joy.

But honestly I am just writing a blog, doing laundry and watching my phone blow up about things I don’t care to read. Honestly I won’t drink a sip of wine because I know it doesn’t solve shit. Honestly I am blasting some weird song that has an appreciative amount of bass while contemplating eating nutella for dinner.

And honestly I have succulents and cereal in my trunk, a sock on my table and not a care in the world.

If I am being honest then I have grown so so much. I asked Mom/ Ass Kicker if I could dye my hair black and get my nose pierced. She said no… But I think I would. And maybe get a tattoo. Buy tarot cards, more crystals and a magic 8 ball because it brings me joy.

The journey of finding yourself is really weird when you start to change all over again. Everyday I want to be at the beach and blast music, everyday I want to paint or run 52 miles. I just W A N T so much- and not a person or any particular thing- but experience.

I want to go travel some more this year. I have no upcoming trips planned and I think I need to change that.

Today at work I got so frustrated with a huge project (magically due today) that one of the Program Directors made me tea (she’s British and tea fixes everything). She said if this is you frustrated I would have never known- you’re still calm, quiet and chipper. And it kind of brought me back to reality. No matter what I “feel” has changed about me, it doesn’t change the ME inside. I am still kind, caring and strangely obsessed with English Breakfast tea.

And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.