Exhausted Because I Am Growing A Hippocampus

No but really it’s true. In my psych class right now we are studying all sorts of strange things. One project is a case report on a 7 year old girl. Now I suppose I could pick issues out left and right with the textbook by my side and I could diagnose this child with a million things. But one, morally that feels quite strange, and two… she’s 7.

So in reading pages upon pages and doing so much research I found that we have a hippocampus (okay, I already knew this exhisted, but bear with me). The hippocampus is largely in charge of aggression, emotion and memory. The hippocamps regulates emotion. So it’s kind of an important thing, right?

Well turns out it develops with you until you are about 285 when it is fully developed. So *basically* we have been making decisions with only have a brain for the first 25 years of our life. I feel like this explains so much.

All jokes aside, it was a interesting moment when I realized that we are still physically and emotionally developing. Maybe this gives excuse to our crisis break downs at 20 and how we can’t logically think through some tough areas in our life.

The hippocampus, though located in the limbic system therefore associated with emotions, memory and motivation is most highly involved with our memories.

Let’s do math. Memories + Under Developed Emotional Capabilities + Stress= 20 year old life crisis. This explains so much.

This explains how it is possible to be so emotionally exhausted. We are searching for answers our brains don’t even have yet. Working with undeveloped organs.

Even though we are adulting and kicking asses and taking names- we are still tired. It takes a lot of work to grow a hippocampus (I mean, probably. Not a scientist or anything). Just think about these things the next time you’re pissed because you don’t know why you feel a certain way or why you can’t emotionally work through something. And then blame your under developed hippocampus.

Where I’ve Been

If you’ve been here a while you will know that I am usually quite active on my blog. The past three weeks or so I haven’t done anything with Adultish. Not because I want to quit or because I am over it, but because I am in an area of growth. Almost like when you have a baby and they go through a growth spurt and they need extra cuddles and sleep and they get cranky. Yes, it’s exactly like that. I have been really introspective lately and just trying to search deep for what it is I feel I am missing. Sometimes I feel like I am just missing coffee, and other times I have to stop myself from driving to Canada when I am supposed to go to work. We are going through some things, that is for sure.

I wrote this a while ago, and while searching for whatever I felt I needed at the time, I found this draft tucked away when I was thick in my feels. Interestingly enough, I am in the same state even now, weeks later.

“I’m putting my life on Do Not Disturb. Not that I am saying “don’t talk to me”. But that I am saying “slow down”. I woke up and I listened to the birds, I felt the cool morning wind on my face and it was exhilarating. I watched bunnies pop around with their white tails and I just sat in complete peace. I have been learning how to be in the “now” as Eckhart Tolle explains in his book, The Power of Now.

It’s the concept of transcending the worry or the pain in your body and being fully present- something he explains far better than I can. It’s magical- the ability to transcend what seems to be hanging over you.

On a hundred roller coaster rides that terrified me, I was able to reach a state of nothing. I know maybe that sounds so stupid, but it was amazing. If I am upside down three hundred feet in the air and can be “nothing”, what’s stopping me from doing that with emotions and physical pain? My spine is bruised from ten hours of roller coaster rides with BK. I have a headache from being dehydrated and that “sun poison” feeling you get when you’re out too long and close to death. But I am nothing.

Nothing- but not in the way depression makes you feel “nothing” but rather the ability to almost be out of body a bit (I know, total freak) and control what I am spending my mental energy on.

I am on Do Not Disturb- I simply can’t be disturbed. Sure, work disturbed my zen like state, but only when I let it.”

This resonates with me as I just came back from a vacation and just walked back into reality. I am still learning how to be okay with things that I can not change. I wholeheartedly believe that your reactions to situations can change everything. If you are okay on the inside and at peace you are more able to positively react to what is going on in the outside. Every situation has both positive and negative potential, and your reaction makes that determination. Being in a zen like state, or choosing happiness in your life sets you up to react in an edifying way. So while we can’t put our jobs or relationships on do not disturb, we can mentally decide what we allow to have hold over us.