I think I am l o s i n g m y m i n d
Let me explain. I drove to breakfast so I could enjoy some heavenly pancakes. I drove to a place I have driven eight trillion times before. I went the wrong way. Like, forgot I needed to turn and missed the entire route. Then blew straight through a stop sign. Then missed the TWO entrances to the restaurant.
I even tripped over a sock. Yes, I did just say a sock.
Weird people from my past are emailing and texting me.
People in real life are being all freaky weird.
And I am legit the real life version of Kermit the frog just minding my own business, drinking tea and chilling. It’s much better that way.
All I want in the entire world, other than a dog, pop socket, new luggage and the Samsonite backpack I saw yesterday, is to drink coffee and read a book. Maybe when I turned 24 some magical old lady dust was sprinkled on me. In my spare time I swing on the porch swing yelling “get outta my yard you hoodlum!” Just kidding. It’s a lawn chair. In my bedroom. And I yell at the squirrels.
I went out to eat last night with Vegas Friend and BK. The hostess looked over and said ” two kids and an adult?” And I almost threw my animal crackers at her right then! How rude. I feel like I’m not a second over 102 years old and I look like I need a kids menu?
I proctored an exam at work. I have to say a big long spiel every time about not cheating, how I can and can not help, what the rules are. But I usually tell them the slang version. Something along the lines of “I can’t answer any questions about the test, which is good for you because it looks like spanish to me… You can not cheat. Or think about cheating. Or think about thinking about cheating… if you do cheat I have to do so much work, and you get in trouble and I didn’t wake up at 4 this morning for you to cheat. You can’t have your phones out, or laptops, tablets, or any item that brings you joy. You must remove anything fun” And then once the exams are out I usually say “You guys can start… may the odds be ever in your favor”. Why you ask do I do this? No idea. Probably because I know they are miserable and if I had to retort the original lame speech I would be miserable too. And because well, that’s who I am! I know they appreciate someone who is normal and human. Many times the graduating class has baked me cookies, gotten all the students to sign a thank you card and some one even brought me a coffee mug… they were the real MVP.
All of this to say that I might be going crazy, and blowing through stop signs and saving tailless lizards, but I think that’s the weird concoction that makes “me” ME!
Or, I really am crazy and just making up excuses for myself??
We will never know.