A Wrap Dress On A Windy Day

Let’s paint a picture, shall we. You know those super cute wrap dresses that are all the rage right now? Basically a bath towel with a string in the midsection that’s supposed to stay nice and tight and keep you covered. I think they are really adorable, and I have always been a huge fan of dresses anyway- no pants needed and it’s just one thing to pull out of the closet. So I bought one (okay six) and I love them! Comfortable, not restricting and, like mentioned, no pants needed. Well it looks great from the outside. This super cute dress with a cinched in waist, falls a few inches above the knee and has just the perfect V-neck. To the outside world, I got it going on!

But realistically- this dress comes untied eighty-two times a day. One swift wind picks my dress right up and I am not very covered at all then. When I sit down the two pieces of fabric that aid in the “wrapping” are never together. One has fallen on my desk chair while the other is creeping up my leg and I am left constantly moving this damn dress so I don’t get written up for a dress code violation at work. I can see it now “Came to work in hooker apparel”.  Let’s not.

But I do LOVE this dress- it’s cute and comfortable and easy and it looks good! This all got me thinking about society and what we think we know about other people. No one knows I am constantly correcting this dress- they just keep complimenting me on it! Just as no one knows last week was incredibly rough for me, or how I struggle to get out of bed sometimes. All they see is what I let them see- this 24 year old in a wrap dress and cute shoes always super (moderately)  positive.

A lot of times we assume we know the lives of others. We paint this picture in our head “nice clothes, nice car, always looks put together, lives in an expensive part of the city…” and we just assume things about them. I’m guilty of this. I assume that those people who live in the nice gated communities with the Infinity SUV or the Lexus convertible are super financially stable and “have their shit together”.  But little do we know they are swimming in debt, or their parents bought that Lexus and its 6 years old. We don’t know that they worked so incredibly hard and they have also had their years of eating boxed macaroni every day. We don’t put things into context- we just assume.

This assumption leads us to comparison. We begin to question why our peers have nicer things than us, or go on vacation when we can barely afford a pedicure. But that’s just the same. You don’t know their finances, their secrets, the ins and outs of their lives. You only know what people let you see- and usually that’s all fluff anyway! No one is ever going to tell you that they have to debate between groceries and gas, but the Coach purse was a gift from their grandma for graduating college. Spshhh- they are going to tote that beautiful purse like the awesome gift that it is because that’s what makes them happy!

Now, I don’t have a Coach purse, a Lexus or Infinity, I sure as shit do not live in a gated community. My purse is from Kohls, I drive a Toyota and I live in a room of fairy lights. It hasn’t been but in the last year when I have had full control of my finances that I began to buy “nice” things. A skin care line from Clinique, too many Ulta points, a gel lamp and polish from Amazon that saves me money on manicures and one Kate Spade wallet (bought at Nordstrom Rack). Those are my “nice” things. But let me write a blog post or take an Instagram photo of my wallet, my Clinique filled counter top and see me at work with perfect nails at all times- you will assume things as well.

We are all living our life like a wrap dress in the wind… super great on the outside but low key, we know at any moment we could shock the world. So don’t compare yourself to others based on what you see on Instagram or Facebook, or by what their clothes say. Regardless of if they look poor, or rich, look like they have their shit together or not. It’s exhausting to compare and it really does no good.

Instead, focus on yourself. If you see someone went on Vacation and you want to go don’t envy them, think about saving or planning a trip. Ask them where they went and what they loved about it instead of talking to others about how you never get to go anywhere. Use these moments when you could compare yourself to instead grow yourself.

How To Kick Anxieties Ass| Collab w/ Nicculent!

Hello lovelies, and welcome back to Adultish! Now as you know if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time I am about as anxious as they come. I’m talking I can’t tie my shoes if I am hesitant about my breakfast choice kind of anxious. Anxiety is such a complex “thing” (let’s not call it a disorder just to be nice). Nicculent has done an amazing job at outlining what anxiety is, and how to tell if you have it. This is a collaboration we have worked hard on and to get the full effect make sure you check out her blog on this as well! In this blog we will talk about ways to manage your anxiety… and let me tell you, I have definitely found some tricks along the way!

Firstly, I think it’s really important to come to terms with the idea that you are anxious. I don’t believe in hiding your feelings and hoping they will go away. That’s the equivalent of putting a blanket over a pile of laundry and pretending it’s folded- while we have all been guilty, we are just lying to ourselves.

Now that you know you’re an anxious little bundle of emotions, try to rationally think about what it is that’s making you anxious. Take your anxiety as an opportunity to reevaluate your current situation and ask yourself what could be done to resolve the problem. This takes a tremendous effort to step outside of the “feelings” box you are in and enter a happier place.

This happy place can be whatever you want it to be. Think beach, forest, at home with your partner, with your parents, or alone in a bath tub with a bottle of wine (guilty). When you become anxious think about this happy place, it will lower your heart rate and allow your thoughts to swim a bit slower so you can actually *think* about what is going on.

While you are rationally thinking about your life and visualizing yourself in a tub as big as the Ganges river, your thoughts can either be happy or good. Usually when we are anxious we are also mean to ourselves. Thoughts like “why didn’t I do this, ugh so stupid!” swim around and that hammers us into an even more anxious little ball of emotion. Instead of letting your “mean voice” control the scene, allow the positive voice to come into play. Think “I know this didn’t go as planned, but what can I do now.”. When we think negatively we charge the vicious cycle of anxiety. When we think positively, we calm the cycle, we ground ourselves and become more realistic in our thinking.

Now of course not everything is that easy, and it takes a very strong mind and heart to implement these steps as they are mentally challenging. But what you already know about anxiety is that certain things will serve as triggers to your anxiety. For me, I am most anxious when my apartment isn’t clean, or when I don’t get enough sleep. Situations out of my control that make me anxious is when I think someone is mad at me. These things I might not have complete control over and to think my apartment can be immaculate at all times is just a psychotic thought I have given up on. So instead, I learned to change my approach. If I think someone is mad at me, I rationally think if I have upset them, and even if I have, I tell myself I can not allow it to steal my joy.

It’s not like everytime you are experiencing severe anxiety that you have to play along with these mind game mentioned above. Sometimes you need a quicker, more realistic “fix’. This is when I recommend the following:

  • Talk to a friend, let them in, and maybe cry a little. It’s good for your soul and you will feel lighter- I pinky promise.
  • Go for a walk outside. Sunshine helps with your mood so much, and getting your body moving will make your mind stop.
  • EAT. Make sure you eat something throughout the day. I have noticed if I accidentally skimp on meals that my anxiety is 10x worse. I think it is the sugar crash.
  • Write it out. Take all of your anxious little feelings and thoughts and give them another home other than your mind. As the words form on your paper let them stay there, and do not give them permission to come back into your thoughts.
  • Talk to a doctor. When my anxiety and depression was at its worse I went to the doctor and was prescribed medicine that helped me SO much. I was still able to function, and it gave me the ability to live my life. When I got off the medicine I was left with a better understanding of which situations should instill anxiety and which one’s my brain was taking too far.

I hope this blog was helpful to someone! These were my tricks along the way to becoming a less anxious person, and how I think I was able to really overcome being diagnosed with anxiety. I hope you check out Nicculents blog as well and show her some love!

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Meet Me In The Middle| Adultish

Every night I meet the stars at 1am and I start the dance I know too well.

Tossing with sheets and trips to the bathroom, making a to do list and checking notifications.

Every night is the same and my mind spills out a thousand words in the notes section of my phone, never to be seen.

I douse myself in lavender, cling to my crystals and turn on soothing music but my mind continues to race of that one email I didn’t reply to and thoughts of impending doom if I somehow fall asleep again and find myself late to work, only compounding my list and ensuring I forget another email.

Mental questions of what I am doing and how I am doing it.

Maybe I am too rough with myself, striving for all that can be done and yet still not satisfied.

So I Pinterest moon quotes, maybe I will find solace in the spoken words of other insomniacs.

Maybe I have lost me in all the searching I have done to be whole.

What if me is not whole at all but rather fragments of people I was in the past.

I am a twinge of divorced, a sprinkle of 24 and barely making it, a dash of ass kicker/moms hopes of my life and a whirlwind of questions from BK such as “what is a douchebag”.

My phone is filled with unanswered texts.

Not because I don’t care, but because I am lost as to a reply.

I don’t know what to do about your relationship and I can’t tell you ten more times to leave.

I don’t know if I want to go to church with you because I never sleep I have hopes one day I will, and that’ll likely be on a Sunday.

So instead, meet me where I am, at 3 am with a cup of coffee in my blog comments or at my door.

Bring coffee to me at work and understand when I cant “stay a while”.

Realize I have 7 hours of homework and a ten page paper due and meet me in grace when I feel unsure if I am really smart enough.

Know if I don’t respond it’s not out of malice, but the more likely scenario that I forgot or just don’t know what to say.

Understand our life paths are completely different and I am not being rude, rather practical.

Don’t blame my unavailability on what you think is depression or anxiety because I am doing quite well right now, thank you.

Ask if I have eaten and bring be food anyway because I am likely lying and too busy to stop.

Hug me when you see me and hold me tight and maybe I will take a break.

Bring chocolate with bad news and bring a smile if you need a favor.

Bring your whole self and I’ll bring mine and we can meet somewhere in the middle of expectation and reality.

July Goals| Get Your Life Together

If you didn’t already know I have a mild obsession with getting my life together and staying organized. I have written several blogs about GYSTing and just getting your life together in general, I will link them down below in case you’re in a stalking mood. One thing that I really love to do is set goals for each month. June was a good month, I got a lot of stuff done and went to Vegas- so really, who could complain? We are already SEVEN months into 2018; how did this even happen?

 

Now some months I have extravagant goals like building a pyramid out of butter, but this month I am taking it easy, relatively.

 

My first goal is to continue to save money. I have a few extra things coming up that will add income to my life. My goal for 2018 was to have X amount of money saved up, and July is going to be a huge stepping stone to accomplish that goal. If I don’t spend it all on food first.

 

Second, I mentioned a few blogs ago I wanted to start taking vitamins, well I bought them… and for maybe two weeks took them. So now the goal is to CONSISTANTLY take vitamins. Why is this so hard for me?

 

I need to buy tires. Probably don’t NEED to buy them this month but everytime I drive I am reminded I need to buy them and it’s stressing me out. This will be the month.

 

Selfishly, I have decided I need a little more “me” time. I have also really gotten back into reading again so I am making it a goal to finish a book this month. I know that doesn’t seem hard at all, but with a full time job, full time school, blog, and extreme anxiety and OCD, completing a book seems like a dream to me.

I want to schedule posts 2/week on Adultish. I did to the May Blog A Day (31 blogs straight) so I *should* be able to write two a week… but for some reason this just seems daunting!

And then, random as hell, my last goal is just weird. I just want to remember to put lotion on everyday. It’s dry and hot here, okay?

 

As you can tell, these goals are for sure easier than some of my other ones- but these are the things I want to focus on. I’m weird, I know.

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 GYST Day Blog 

 Spring Clean Your Life

Get Your Life Together

How To Survive When You’re Barely Alive 

6 Times Eckhart Tolle Made Me Lose My Mind And Question My Entire Life

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the book “The Power Of Now”, written by Eckhart Tolle. I hadn’t heard of it until Kayln Nicholson mentioned it in a few of her social media platforms, and on this video. I made mention to Ass Kicker/Mom one day about the book and a few hours later at her house- BOOM THE BOOK!

I am really enjoying the book. I wouldn’t call it a fast read simply because every sentence I am internalizing and trying to make it resonate with what my brain currently thinks.

 

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I feel like there is only two things to do, like above. Either you leave situations that you are not happy with, or you accept it. Because staying in that situation is ridiculous. You either decide enough is enough and you change your physical place in that situation, or you work inwardly to accept the situation for what it is. But what sense would it make for a lion to be in an area with no food, when it could simply walk a bit and find food? Don’t make yourself a victim to circumstances, instead, be victorious.

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You know that old saying “misery loves company”? Well, it’s true; misery loves misery! Think about this, if you are upset with something it’s almost nice to be upset and angry. For some reason deep down we like to feel full of emotion, regardless of if it is negative or positive. When someone makes you mad you tell your friend, and you gripe about it, harp on it for a few hours, maybe even start drama because of it. But why? The next time you are upset, don’t let that problem consume you, why would you give something so trivial the power to steal your joy? If you are consciously aware of what your mind is thinking versus what you know the truth to be you will catch yourself in this downward spiral.

 

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Can I get an amen? Obviosly this entire book is about “NOW” hence the title, but this rings so true. If you don’t do something now, then you do it later… until you do something else later, and the first thing becomes never. Do not let things get away from you, from the now, because all there is, is NOW.

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This plainly states the difference between learning from mistakes, and emotionally becoming consumed with them. Now, if I step on a cricket and accidentally kill it I will learn from that mistake to watch where I am walking. Boom, done. If I step on a cricket and I kill it and then I stay in bed for 6 days thinking about the baby crickets who no longer have a mom and how I am forever the cricket killer, that is a problem. I am giving into emotions and making more of a situation than what is, I am essentially, stealing from the now and feeding into psychological time where it is not edifying to myself, or my goals, it’s only hindering me, but remembering the concept above, providing a false feeling of comfort.

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I mean…. mind blown. Here’s the thing, I believe that deep down we already have all the answers we are asking for, we just don’t know we do. Everything you need to know, you do! You’ve learned it in other situations or from other people, your soul screams it’s desires and you listen in ways you might not expect, but you already know everything- you just have to trust yourself.

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This is the most mind blowing part in my opinion. If have depression or anxiety you know that little voice all too well. It just never shuts up! But that voice is not you, that’s just the voice. It’s not you. And you have the power to shut that voice off. Once you can grasp that concept in your mind, your entire life will change! I will agree that is a hard concept to grasp, especially because the voice in your head right now is saying “yeah right, you can’t do that”. But you can and I really think it’s the secret to accomplishing your goals or conquering fears.

So there you have it, I hope your mind is officially WTF-ed. Because mine is. But I couldn’t not share these things with you because I really think this book is 100% life changing and I am actually a little jelly I didn’t write it myself, to be honest.

 

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**This blog contains a link that I could, potentially, make a few cents on. Know you don’t have to buy this book, but it does support Adultish, and besides me really appreciating it, I am happy to see how your life changes from this book as well. **

Death Of A Relationship| Breaking Up

I know, “death” might seem strong. But what else should we call this? The happiest time of your life? That would just be a lie and chances are if you’re reading this blog it’s because someone already lied to you, or broke your heart, and you’re going through a breakup.

It didn’t dawn on me until today that hot damn I am over my divorce.

Not that it was “easy” by any means. I still went through the phase of not eating. I layed in bed and cried, was angry, and sad, then confused. And then one day, I was over it.

First things first, you need to talk about it. Get it out of your mind, and your body. When you talk about it you will cry (I mean, not like you haven’t cried enough) and eventually all of that pressure goes away.

Get some chocolate- or chips- or something to eat that you can’t usually resist- because chances are you haven’t eaten in 5 days and no one can deny a guilty pleasure.

It’s okay to be angry. And it’s okay not to be angry. We all process things differently.

Get your mind off of it- not to an unhealthy level of course, but you still need to be a functioning member of society. Go to work. Find a new hobby. Take up running.

Consume your life with positivity. Just because this time in your life is an incredibly rough patch doesn’t mean you can’t try to find the silver lining in things. You want to overcome your break up, you don’t want it to overcome you.

Resist the incredible urge to TP the ex’s house. Maybe this belongs up with the anger phase but the burning desire to egg that house, or trash it is so intense. Resist. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.

Ignore that nasty saying that “they best way to get over someone is to get under someone”. Sex isn’t everything. You are more than welcome to do as you please, but you need to take care of yourself. If you are still grieving- wait until you’re done. It’s not like you want to be crying while you’re trying to “get under someone”. That’s just weird.

Talk to your friends about it- but only select friends. Don’t engage in conversations that are going to pull you down and make you question if what happened was right. You need uplifting people who can tell you “you got this, you’re going to be perfectly fine. So… go wipe the snot off your face and let’s go get something to eat because you look like the Thin Man”.

Count your blessings. Like any hardship we go through it is important never to lose sight of what really matters and of how lucky we are.

Make a plan with al your extra time and focus on YOU and your growth. Cuddle extra with your fur babies, start doing Yoga to heal you from the inside out, wake up to see the sunrise. Go attempt to paddle board to see if you like it, or if you’ll drown (disclaimer, I drowned).

And above all, know that it’ll be okay. Divorce, friend break up, romantic break up… you will live to see tomorrow and the sooner you get off the floor and stop sobbing the sooner you will see that to be true.

I can’t even

I can’t shake this feeling that maybe there is more to do in life. I am not sure if it’s because I am coming fresh off of a vacation from Cancun. Maybe I am still feeling relaxed and revived from turning 24 years old- or maybe the pilot on my trip back to San Diego is releasing drugs through the air vents and making me feel all sorts of ways- regardless, here we are.

I watched a video from the one and only Kalyn Nicholson – Episode 1 of her new series Coffee Chronicles and it gave me all the feels. She explains how she feels like it’s easy to get caught going through the motions of life. You work and work, go go go and what do you have to show for it? Sure you can have money, nice things, but what happens when that isn’t enough? This video resonated with me so much as I prepare to go back into what I left at work for a week. Back to bills, make up and wearing pants.

I have learned in my 24 short years, only recently might I add, that we are created for so much more. I am not speaking religiously, or even trying to be mushy gushy- just realistic here. Why do we work so hard? Why do we want our children to receive a good education? Quality of life. And what is life if all we do is go go go?

Vegas Friend has really opened my eyes to the world outside of work, anxious thoughts and what really matters. I think it is really important to work hard, save your vacation time, travel, learn, explore- do all of the things.

I think it all just goes to say that your mindset is really what counts. You should always be grateful for what you have, and never envious for what you do have. If you really want something, work hard for it and you can achieve it. But do not get sucked into what society wants you to do. If we only focus on today, and our problems and issues we will drive ourselves into the ground.