Life Hurts| Adultish

I used to think that when I got older that things would be easier. You grow up, get a better job and make lots of money. But with age comes more expensive things- and there goes all that money. I used to think that as a grown up things would be easier- maybe relationships would become easier. I could be around who I wanted and spend my time wisely with the people I cherished. But with getting older also comes disease, cancer, heart attacks…

This is a part of life that I have never dealt with before. But it is indeed a part of “adulting”. And it hurts. 

Everything hurts. My friends hurt, and my family hurts, their friends and family hurt- I hurt.

The hurt that feels like your organs are being ripped right from your body and all you can do in return is cry with the intensity that things are being ripped from your body.

The hurt that at some point turns into complete numbness- knowing that things *should* affect you, but you’re so affected that it all melts into one huge  whole body all consuming numbness.

Maybe the “adulting” part is that you still go to work, you still pay your bills and work on huge projects and just live with the extreme numbing pain until it goes away. Maybe you “fake it till you make it”. Or maybe your me and you go white as a ghost when you get the news, you sit down and just think “fuck”.

because at this point that is all there is left to say.

fuck.

fuck death and cancer and everything that comes with it.

and fuck parole board people and remembering your childhood.

fuck divorces that will never end and work that will never slow down.

but mostly fuck that picture in our head- the one that makes you think life should be perfect and that we should never have a down moment.

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You Always Say That | Adultish

You know how people always say ” if I knew then what I know now”? I love that little piece of advice because I think it’s extremely relatable. But I don’t believe in regrets- or in living your life focused on the “could have/ should haves” of life. Instead I think you just need to live.

This advice is most appropriate for those people who *could* know what you know now. Usually our kids, friends, cousins, relatives can use this information the most, before it’s too late. A lot of these lessons are EASY ones, harmless ones, but needless to say, ones we can’t see the importance of until we are 23 and contemplating life for the 96th time this week.

Here we are, at one of BKs extracurriculars. BK seems to get discouraged rather fast, maybe a smidge of a pessimist and a splash of anxiety- ingredients for one awesome kid with a remarkable ability to make up illnesses and excuses- but she is sooo cute. Things like- “I’ve been sneezing a lot- do you think I should go? “ugh, this is dumb” “do I have to go?”- legit questions BK asks every week. My response is always the same “It’ll be as good as you make it”. No matter what the issue or complaint is- it will be as good as you make it. And then tonight BK says “Ugh, YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT” Yep! I sure do. And you know why? Because it’s an invaluable lesson. Going through a divorce? It will be as good as you make it. Plan an entire week and it’s all going a different way? It’ll be as good as you make it.

That’s the key- we have so much control over our life that we don’t even realize. Control that we don’t channel because it’s the hardest to channel. We can choose our emotions, our outlook, our feelings. With control over our emotions we can then control the way we view situations. Example: BK doesn’t want to do extracurriculars because…. the room stinks (its true). Because the room stinks we decide it’s disgusting, we decide we hate it, we decide we hate extracurriculars. OR. The room stinks. And that’s it- it just stinks. But we come to extracurriculars, we kick ass and take names and then we go eat Pho.

Everything will be as good as you make it- but it takes effort and a conscious decision to legit “choose the road less traveled by”. There’s been a lot of things I could be reactive about, I could let ruin my life, I could be a total brat about. And I think BD (before divorce) I let everything ruin my life and change my emotions. And then came a time where I just could not invest emotions in things that did not truly matter- because that’s how people become grumpy old senile jerks who give soap for Christmas. Don’t be a jerky senile soap giver.

The Struggle Bus

I don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I am the Struggle Bus. I am what you ride when shit gets too real to ride the Easy Train. Years ago I was the Easy Train, I was new and shiny, engine purred like a kitten and my Mercedes hood ornament was so shiny!But that was years ago. Now I don’t have a hood ornament, some ass-wipe kids took it. My seats are mostly metal, the cushions and fabric are torn off from extreme use, and age. I am kind of stinky, a mix of wet yuck and gasoline. I used to drive smoothly, but now my exhaust pipe blows black gunk and my engine might have a cat stuck in there. But, you already know who I am- who am I kidding.

I am the Struggle Bus. The “I forgot my matching shoe and to brush my hair” transit vehicle on your way to work. I drove you to the store with your last nineteen bucks. It was twenty but I hit a bump and a dollar flew out of the window. Oh, almost forgot to mention how the windows don’t roll up or down because they are cracked and have baseball sized holes in them. I think it gives me character.

I am the Struggle Bus. I am the reason you spilt a smoothie on your white pants before that meeting with your boss today. You know, the meeting where said smoothie-pants smelled up the entire 3rd floor conference room and people just looked at you as if you were a puppy who peed on the rug. I picked you up from that meeting too… except…..PS. You left your keys on the passengers seat and I have zip ties for door handles- so good luck on getting those back. I’m pretty innovative with zip ties.

I am the Struggle Bus. Everyone rides me from time to time. I am usually taking brand new moms to their baby’s first doctor appointment, you know, the one where the doctor freaks you out about everything and then you cry because your baby lost more than 10% of its body weight. Or sometimes I come and pick you up right after a night of intense drinking, I do that for a lot of people. Maybe that’s why I smell?

I know what your thinking. Why the hell would you want to ride the stinky-cat-engine Struggle Bus when you COULD ride the Easy Train? Cause the Easy Train is pretty sweet. Usually you ride it when you have more than twenty bucks for the week and clean pants. And the Easy Train is nice, actual seat cushions, and it doesn’t even stink!

But everyone gets to ride the Struggle Bus, it’s a right of passage. The type of lesson that makes taking the Easy Train feel remarkable. Rides that detour at “Get Your Life Together” and “How to Adult” Avenue. I don’t want you not to like me just because I am not “as nice” as the Easy Train- after all, he doesn’t have the life experience I do. I know I kind of stink, and I know the seats are sticky sometimes, but I have so many lessons to teach you. So please, next time you’re riding the good ole Struggle Bus, try to be appreciative of the things you do like, or think about how everyone has a turn on the Bus. It shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing, but just another learning experience, a part of life.

Love always,

Struggle Bus.

How To Save Yourself | Adultish

Have you ever had those days when you’re ten points past a healthy level of exhaustion? When all of your thoughts are swimming in your head at an unbelievable pace and you can’t think straight. The days when work clothes feel like a thousand pounds and deadlines are looming over your head? What do you want usually? A glass of wine, a movie, pizza, alone time to do “the dirty”, or maybe just take a nap- because let’s be real you need a shower.

If there’s one thing I have learned it’s that you are the only person that can save you- and no I am not talking about religion. I am talking about listening to your soul, your core, your deepest desires of what your mind and body needs- and then acting on those needs! When you are tired and achy in every way possible- these are the ways to save yourself.

Lifesaving. Tip- Numero Uno

STOP.

No really, just stop. Stop what your doing, stop what you’re thinking and just be. Listen to your breath, listen to what you know is true. Re calibrate your mind to all things right and pleasant. Listen to the birds, watch the rain fall, feel the wind. Consume yourself with the things that are not complicated. Just stop- and be.

Lifesaving tip- Zwei

Figure out what the issue or stress is- and make a plan. Because even though it would be awesome if things randomly fixed themselves, that’s totally not how life works. Instead we have to recognize that there’s an issue, come to terms with how we feel, figure out why we feel that way- and then kick ass and solve life’s shit. A goal with out a plan is just a wish.

Lifesaving tip- 3

This is actually like 47 tips in one, but when used together can raise the dead (dead-ish). When you’re dead and dying, go take a shower. Take your make up off, shave your body to naked mole rat status, clean your ears out- get yourself cleaned and revamped. Then go put on pajamas, or leggings (because there’s a difference, okay. Leggings *can* be pajamas, but they aren’t a generalized “pajama” article of clothing). And now, veg. Watch YouTube, lay on the couch and watch Netflix- recharge in any and every way possible.

You see, we are “dead” a lot.  We need to be “saved” or put back together, have a little R&R time and time again- and that’s okay! The most amazing things will happen when you learn that you can save yourself. You won’t stress as easily, because you’ll know there’s a remedy. You will be less likely to drive yourself into the ground because you will be in tune when things feel off kilter. And most importantly, well… you won’t be dead.

New Beginnings | Adultish

 

As most of you know I work at a University. Well every class has a ceremony of sorts to “prepare and guide” them for what is to come in their curriculum. This is an event that I get to organize and put together.

One of the things I love about this event is the excitement from the students. They dress up, their families come, tons of pictures and hype. The energy is awesome! And there are snacks- and let’s face it, maybe THAT is my favorite part. It makes reordering a stage and chairs, countless trips to the store, and 5 hours to set up seem worth it.

But it did get me thinking about how magical and uplifting new beginnings are. Take my divorce as an example. Sure, it sucked in the beginning, and sometimes it still does suck- but I have learned SO MUCH in that time. Everyday seems like a new beginning and a new adventure. Everyday seems like endless opportunities- because that’s how I choose to see it.

I think its so important to analyze where you are in your life, and take inventory of your happiness. There are always things to work on, or to strive towards. There are always new things on the horizon.

It’s taken me a long time to learn this. I used to think “woe is me and my life sucks… blah blah blah” and sometimes I still do because I am not a saint- but those times are few and far between. One of the most interesting things that I have done lately is purchased the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (well actually Vegas Friend bought it because he was already on Amazon when we talked about it). And guess what?? This book is actually pretty good!

Get this ” Everybody wants to feel good… Everybody wants that. It’s easy to want that. A more important question that people never consider is “what pain do you want in your life?” Mark Manson, the author, goes on to say that basically we all “want to be happy” but happiness doesn’t fall from the sky, and we aren’t willing to learn, or be uncomfortable in situations long enough for us to truly LEARN anything from them.

There are a lot of things that make me happy. BK, Vegas Friend, puppy cuddles- all of these things make me happy because I have learned to appreciate them. I appreciate Vegas Friend for all he his, and all the things that are different about him- I have grown to appreciate him because I know what it’s like to have someone who is not as sincere, or kind as him. I have learned to relish times of puppy cuddles since I left my dog in the divorce- now every cuddle seems that much more amazing.

Just like I know the students at that event were happy/ anxious/ and probably terrified at the same time- they will go on and learn amazing things. They will struggle with their new “normal” but they will learn so many life lessons. Just like we all do, everyday…

And my only piece of advice here is this… “It’s hell in the hallway”, and ice cream and chips always helps when you’re stuck in the hallway.

 

Shit Vegas Friend Does

Soooo. I basically have the best friends ever. First there’s Mom/Ass Kicker letting me use her house as an Amazon package post office and supplying me with animal crackers and macaroni. Then there’s B who has bought me so much stuff for my “apartment”, down to deodorant and conditioner. And then we have Vegas Friend. Who comes to help me all the time with literally everything. 

He offered me his truck to help move my stuff. 

He supplies me with pepper spray. 

Buys my favorite pop tarts and always ensures there’s coffee creamer at his house for me. Ps- he doesn’t drink coffee. 

I mention a good wine once and he tries to buy 6 of them- he doesn’t drink alcohol either. 

He’s always there for late night “what am I doing with my life” phone calls. 

He listens to work drama. 

He reads all my blogs and always checks to see how the Vegas Friend ones preform. He likes to think Adultish is growing because of him. Lol. Which is notably true according to my stats. 

And then he does some crazy shit like spend his last few hours before having to go to bed to work 12 hours straight to put my bed frame up. 

Oh wait- forgot something. 

 He let’s me crash at his house and vomit when I leave work from a migraine. 

7 Ways to Survive When You’re Barely Alive| Adultish

I got inspired to write this after I sent off my ten positives to Mom/Ass Kicker (if you don’t know what I am talking about click here). I was laughing at the half-ass things I have learned that have made me *seem* like I know what I am doing- but I TOTALLY DO NOT. And then it made me think about all of the things that I have figured out within the past eight-ish months or so.

First things first, COFFEE. My life would be nothing with out coffee. Between post-divorce insomnia and an anxious mind I rarely sleep and if it weren’t for coffee I don’t think I would even manage to put my shoes on the right feet. This is also what helped me get my Starbucks Gold card in… uhm… no time flat.

Plan Ahead- this is one of those things that you do not want to do- but once you do it just once or twice you learn the value of it. Example: setting out your clothes the night before. I always want to just climb in bed and go to sleep- but then I realize that when I don’t set my clothes out the night before I end up with a tornado of clothes, running late for work, and ultimately stressed. Planning ahead can be as simple as setting your clothes out/ meal planning/ anything that promotes simplicity.

Dry shampoo- it is your friend, your best friend. Home girl does NOT have time to do my hair everyday, and survey says washing your hair everyday isn’t healthy for it- so dry shampoo yourself up and gain some more time in your life. Conversely- shave your head. I have thought about it. #noshame

Live by the “one touch” rule. Basically this is where instead of coming home from work and putting your coat, keys, bag, phone all on the couch “to move later” you just put it away. This might seem like more work than what you want to do- but the alternative is a messy AF house with shit everywhere and you being uber overwhelmed.

Life a life of simplicity, especially if you’re basically dead to begin with. Go back to basics- clean up your living environment, minimize, sort through the things that are clouding your mind and your life and embrace only the things that bring you joy #ThanksKonMari. When you do this there is a feeling of relief, a weigh lifted off your shoulder knowing you’re not stepping over shit you don’t need, emotionally or physically.

Devote one day to GYSTing. I talk about this a lot on Adultish mainly because it’s how I survive. I pick one day, usually Sunday to fill up my car, do my laundry, restock coffee, ensure I have enough creamer for the week, clean out my car and anything else that was neglected over the week. In doing this you never get overtly behind in anything.

Develop a routine. A night routine/GYST routine/ morning routine- develop any sort of regimented protocol you can follow to help with getting your life in order. Doing so helps ensure that you get what needs to be done done and routines are just all around good for your soul. Develop a “self care” routine. Journal, meditate, listen to your favorite radio station getting ready, collect crystals- do something that feeds your soul, especially when it is already feeling depleted.

And as always, if you don’t know what will feed your soul, if you don’t have routines set in place that work for you, or if you just plain old don’t even know where to start- just go stalk the blogs I have written. I learned a crap ton of hard lessons- so maybe I could spare you of some.