A Wrap Dress On A Windy Day

Let’s paint a picture, shall we. You know those super cute wrap dresses that are all the rage right now? Basically a bath towel with a string in the midsection that’s supposed to stay nice and tight and keep you covered. I think they are really adorable, and I have always been a huge fan of dresses anyway- no pants needed and it’s just one thing to pull out of the closet. So I bought one (okay six) and I love them! Comfortable, not restricting and, like mentioned, no pants needed. Well it looks great from the outside. This super cute dress with a cinched in waist, falls a few inches above the knee and has just the perfect V-neck. To the outside world, I got it going on!

But realistically- this dress comes untied eighty-two times a day. One swift wind picks my dress right up and I am not very covered at all then. When I sit down the two pieces of fabric that aid in the “wrapping” are never together. One has fallen on my desk chair while the other is creeping up my leg and I am left constantly moving this damn dress so I don’t get written up for a dress code violation at work. I can see it now “Came to work in hooker apparel”.  Let’s not.

But I do LOVE this dress- it’s cute and comfortable and easy and it looks good! This all got me thinking about society and what we think we know about other people. No one knows I am constantly correcting this dress- they just keep complimenting me on it! Just as no one knows last week was incredibly rough for me, or how I struggle to get out of bed sometimes. All they see is what I let them see- this 24 year old in a wrap dress and cute shoes always super (moderately)  positive.

A lot of times we assume we know the lives of others. We paint this picture in our head “nice clothes, nice car, always looks put together, lives in an expensive part of the city…” and we just assume things about them. I’m guilty of this. I assume that those people who live in the nice gated communities with the Infinity SUV or the Lexus convertible are super financially stable and “have their shit together”.  But little do we know they are swimming in debt, or their parents bought that Lexus and its 6 years old. We don’t know that they worked so incredibly hard and they have also had their years of eating boxed macaroni every day. We don’t put things into context- we just assume.

This assumption leads us to comparison. We begin to question why our peers have nicer things than us, or go on vacation when we can barely afford a pedicure. But that’s just the same. You don’t know their finances, their secrets, the ins and outs of their lives. You only know what people let you see- and usually that’s all fluff anyway! No one is ever going to tell you that they have to debate between groceries and gas, but the Coach purse was a gift from their grandma for graduating college. Spshhh- they are going to tote that beautiful purse like the awesome gift that it is because that’s what makes them happy!

Now, I don’t have a Coach purse, a Lexus or Infinity, I sure as shit do not live in a gated community. My purse is from Kohls, I drive a Toyota and I live in a room of fairy lights. It hasn’t been but in the last year when I have had full control of my finances that I began to buy “nice” things. A skin care line from Clinique, too many Ulta points, a gel lamp and polish from Amazon that saves me money on manicures and one Kate Spade wallet (bought at Nordstrom Rack). Those are my “nice” things. But let me write a blog post or take an Instagram photo of my wallet, my Clinique filled counter top and see me at work with perfect nails at all times- you will assume things as well.

We are all living our life like a wrap dress in the wind… super great on the outside but low key, we know at any moment we could shock the world. So don’t compare yourself to others based on what you see on Instagram or Facebook, or by what their clothes say. Regardless of if they look poor, or rich, look like they have their shit together or not. It’s exhausting to compare and it really does no good.

Instead, focus on yourself. If you see someone went on Vacation and you want to go don’t envy them, think about saving or planning a trip. Ask them where they went and what they loved about it instead of talking to others about how you never get to go anywhere. Use these moments when you could compare yourself to instead grow yourself.

The Truth| Adultish

This wasn’t the blog I planned to put up this week, but when life gives you lemons… you call your mom-thing and cry. When I started Adultish I wanted everyone to be able to gleam a  bit of wisdom from my mistakes, follow my journey and only experience the lessons and none of the hardship. I wanted to learn the shitty things and then tell you all how to better deal, or avoid those situations. I put so much focus on maintaining goals, being “adult”, having your shit together… being “perfect”. And while I do believe that growing up and paying your bills is undeniably important, I don’t think the way I have been doing this adulting thing is very realistic. Let’s rewind, shall we…

When I was married I was a totally different person. Very in my feelings and emotional, very pity-party and not really fun. I didn’t have my license, didn’t try too hard to get it, and I didn’t really strive or work towards anything at all. I counted on my husband very intensely, and that’s what “worked” in our relationship. Until, it didn’t work anymore. This all happened, probably, when I started to realize there was more in the world than what I was doing. I wanted to run again, and read controversial things, go to friends houses…  I think I was starving for something new and exciting and that was not the person my husband married. Now, of course, I don’t know if this is why I went from married to homeless, but I am sure it probably played a pretty significant role. I don’t think I will ever know the reason why- but I do know I was starting to get very restless with the same thing everyday.

Now I have always been extremely hardcore. For most people there is black, white, and gray. For me it’s black and white. I either master something or totally screw it up. When budgeting I will either not spend a dime for 27 days, or spend an entire paycheck in an hour. I really have zero middle ground. . When I was married I was super dependent. And now that I am divorced and on my own I am stubbornly independent. The moment I moved out a switch flipped and I told myself I couldn’t screw up again. I felt like I had a second chance to do things and make something of myself. It’s like I got so scared of ever depending on someone or messing up that I made a vow to only count on myself and work my tail off. I honestly think if I was on fire I wouldn’t ask for help some days. It’s annoying, even to me. I think all of these responses to life trauma are extremely normal…

So let’s come back to the present moment where I am newly 24, divorced for about a year and my day dreams occupy an incredible amount of my time. I am obsessed with trying to save money, finish my degree, excel in my job, keep my place clean, trying to sleep 8 h/night, get A’s in my classes, keep up with Adultish, and be a nice person. All of these things are incredible, and absolutely imperative to work on in order to be a functioning human being. But I had a conversation that shook me to my depths.

*set the scene: me in tears (because I had lemons for lemonade but someone had better lemons… or something like that)*

Me: “But I am just agitated! I am working so hard, trying to do all of these things, and I’ve only made it this far!”

Magical Human: “You have only been on your own for a little over a year. You got a car, your license, saved, started school, moved into your own place… You’ve done the best you can with what you have… I mean what is it you think you are missing or lacking?”

And boom, like a ton of bricks crashing into my mediocre lemonade it hit me- I have some severely unrealistic expectations. In trying so hard to better myself and work towards the next thing, I have starved myself from reality and being appreciative of where I am. I really do remember crying and hurting because I wanted to have some money saved, and I wanted my own car, and the freedom a license brought. Now I have that, and so much more but I am only looking at what’s next. All I can think is how I want to advance in my job NOW, and move into a bigger place NOW, and get my degree NOW. But when we become so consumed with what we don’t have, it mentally destroys us.

I have a whole time line in my head of how things will work out, but most of these things take a considerable amount of time, like saving X amount and finishing my degree. These are excellent long term goals, but I need to focus on short term goals that help me get to the long term ones.

Of course I still totally believe in the importance of bettering yourself and getting your shit together. I will always be the person to try and make everything perfect- that’s just who I am. I will always rearrange my place 6 times a month and need to buy a new pair of shoes to spruce up my life. It would be a cold day in hell the day I didn’t want to update, organize or better something.

If you take anything from all of the tears and hydration I lost learning this lesson, it’s two things…

One- Long term goals are great. Short term goals help you keep your sanity.

Two- Sometimes the ability to see where you are versus where you were is the lesson it’s self. Always be grateful for where you are in life- even if it’s still miles from your goal.

 

 

 

Vegas Friends Name, My New Diet and Life Crisis.

Hello you fancy people, you. Welcome back to another Coffee Catch up, by yours truly. If you are new to the blog feel free to catch up, no pun intended, with my last two Coffee Catch Up blogs or you might be confused! These Coffee Catch Ups are a time where I get to just word vomit all over and explain what I am been doing and sharing any new life developments/ midlife (24-year-old) life crisis.

In my last Coffee Catch Up I was on quite the high from seeing CELINE DION, and yes, every time I type her name it will be in caps lock. If she doesn’t deserve caps, then who does? It’s been exactly a month since I saw CELINE DION and I don’t think a day has gone by that I haven’t immersed myself in her songs. Because I am obsessed. And the first step to overcoming a problem, if that’s what we are calling it, is to admit you have a problem.

In new developments, we have a big one! I have officially become Gluten Free, and not really of my liking. I miss cookies so much it hurts. Long story short I have had a lot of issues with my diet, in particular bloating. Now this isn’t like “you ate too much salt” kind of bloating. No. This is “Oh my god how did you go to lunch and come back 6 months pregnant?!” bloating. So I started to really watch what I ate and realized if I ate fruits, veggies and meat that I felt totally fine after a meal! But the moment I tried to have pizza, a burger, even a piece of cake I would get so bloated. As slightly bummed as I am to know that, on some level I probably have a gluten intolerance, I have to admit it’s nice to be able and eat and not feel sick. I have yet to really research any good gluten free recipes and I am living on recommendations and a meat, cheese, veggie and fruit diet right now because it’s quick and easy. So if you have any recipes or tips and tricks you could offer up, please let me know. I am kind of constantly hungry right now.

Vegas Friend is once again out of town. In a recent conversation between the two of us I decided to no longer call him Vegas Friend… In real life I rarely even call him by his real name. I started to call him Schnookums, and just as an FYI, he doesn’t like that name either. So I thinking I will start to refer to him as Stan The Man. At work I have just started to say “boyfriend” because I don’t really want to share with the Director of Finance how my FWB relationship turned a completely different way. And plus, “Vegas Friend” IS THE MAN. Like holy crap. He’s awesome. He makes me laugh, cheers me up, teaches me somewhat valuable life lessons like putting air in my tires and accompanies me on 97% of the meals I eat. As far as I am concerned he is pretty legit, and deserves a name more than just “Vegas Friend” because truthfully, I am at his house every weekend. I go over there after work, we usually have lunch together, I help with Bonus Kid and we do more than just go to Vegas Together.

Lastly, a school update. I am two days away from finishing off a class, hopefully with an A. I am proud that I was able to keep up with Adultish, school, and not become a COMPLETE wreck. Though there were days it was a little hit or miss.

As always, thank you guys so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoy these little blogs where I catch you up on my craziness.

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Meet Me In The Middle| Adultish

Every night I meet the stars at 1am and I start the dance I know too well.

Tossing with sheets and trips to the bathroom, making a to do list and checking notifications.

Every night is the same and my mind spills out a thousand words in the notes section of my phone, never to be seen.

I douse myself in lavender, cling to my crystals and turn on soothing music but my mind continues to race of that one email I didn’t reply to and thoughts of impending doom if I somehow fall asleep again and find myself late to work, only compounding my list and ensuring I forget another email.

Mental questions of what I am doing and how I am doing it.

Maybe I am too rough with myself, striving for all that can be done and yet still not satisfied.

So I Pinterest moon quotes, maybe I will find solace in the spoken words of other insomniacs.

Maybe I have lost me in all the searching I have done to be whole.

What if me is not whole at all but rather fragments of people I was in the past.

I am a twinge of divorced, a sprinkle of 24 and barely making it, a dash of ass kicker/moms hopes of my life and a whirlwind of questions from BK such as “what is a douchebag”.

My phone is filled with unanswered texts.

Not because I don’t care, but because I am lost as to a reply.

I don’t know what to do about your relationship and I can’t tell you ten more times to leave.

I don’t know if I want to go to church with you because I never sleep I have hopes one day I will, and that’ll likely be on a Sunday.

So instead, meet me where I am, at 3 am with a cup of coffee in my blog comments or at my door.

Bring coffee to me at work and understand when I cant “stay a while”.

Realize I have 7 hours of homework and a ten page paper due and meet me in grace when I feel unsure if I am really smart enough.

Know if I don’t respond it’s not out of malice, but the more likely scenario that I forgot or just don’t know what to say.

Understand our life paths are completely different and I am not being rude, rather practical.

Don’t blame my unavailability on what you think is depression or anxiety because I am doing quite well right now, thank you.

Ask if I have eaten and bring be food anyway because I am likely lying and too busy to stop.

Hug me when you see me and hold me tight and maybe I will take a break.

Bring chocolate with bad news and bring a smile if you need a favor.

Bring your whole self and I’ll bring mine and we can meet somewhere in the middle of expectation and reality.

July Goals| Get Your Life Together

If you didn’t already know I have a mild obsession with getting my life together and staying organized. I have written several blogs about GYSTing and just getting your life together in general, I will link them down below in case you’re in a stalking mood. One thing that I really love to do is set goals for each month. June was a good month, I got a lot of stuff done and went to Vegas- so really, who could complain? We are already SEVEN months into 2018; how did this even happen?

 

Now some months I have extravagant goals like building a pyramid out of butter, but this month I am taking it easy, relatively.

 

My first goal is to continue to save money. I have a few extra things coming up that will add income to my life. My goal for 2018 was to have X amount of money saved up, and July is going to be a huge stepping stone to accomplish that goal. If I don’t spend it all on food first.

 

Second, I mentioned a few blogs ago I wanted to start taking vitamins, well I bought them… and for maybe two weeks took them. So now the goal is to CONSISTANTLY take vitamins. Why is this so hard for me?

 

I need to buy tires. Probably don’t NEED to buy them this month but everytime I drive I am reminded I need to buy them and it’s stressing me out. This will be the month.

 

Selfishly, I have decided I need a little more “me” time. I have also really gotten back into reading again so I am making it a goal to finish a book this month. I know that doesn’t seem hard at all, but with a full time job, full time school, blog, and extreme anxiety and OCD, completing a book seems like a dream to me.

I want to schedule posts 2/week on Adultish. I did to the May Blog A Day (31 blogs straight) so I *should* be able to write two a week… but for some reason this just seems daunting!

And then, random as hell, my last goal is just weird. I just want to remember to put lotion on everyday. It’s dry and hot here, okay?

 

As you can tell, these goals are for sure easier than some of my other ones- but these are the things I want to focus on. I’m weird, I know.

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 GYST Day Blog 

 Spring Clean Your Life

Get Your Life Together

How To Survive When You’re Barely Alive 

6 Times Eckhart Tolle Made Me Lose My Mind And Question My Entire Life

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the book “The Power Of Now”, written by Eckhart Tolle. I hadn’t heard of it until Kayln Nicholson mentioned it in a few of her social media platforms, and on this video. I made mention to Ass Kicker/Mom one day about the book and a few hours later at her house- BOOM THE BOOK!

I am really enjoying the book. I wouldn’t call it a fast read simply because every sentence I am internalizing and trying to make it resonate with what my brain currently thinks.

 

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I feel like there is only two things to do, like above. Either you leave situations that you are not happy with, or you accept it. Because staying in that situation is ridiculous. You either decide enough is enough and you change your physical place in that situation, or you work inwardly to accept the situation for what it is. But what sense would it make for a lion to be in an area with no food, when it could simply walk a bit and find food? Don’t make yourself a victim to circumstances, instead, be victorious.

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You know that old saying “misery loves company”? Well, it’s true; misery loves misery! Think about this, if you are upset with something it’s almost nice to be upset and angry. For some reason deep down we like to feel full of emotion, regardless of if it is negative or positive. When someone makes you mad you tell your friend, and you gripe about it, harp on it for a few hours, maybe even start drama because of it. But why? The next time you are upset, don’t let that problem consume you, why would you give something so trivial the power to steal your joy? If you are consciously aware of what your mind is thinking versus what you know the truth to be you will catch yourself in this downward spiral.

 

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Can I get an amen? Obviosly this entire book is about “NOW” hence the title, but this rings so true. If you don’t do something now, then you do it later… until you do something else later, and the first thing becomes never. Do not let things get away from you, from the now, because all there is, is NOW.

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This plainly states the difference between learning from mistakes, and emotionally becoming consumed with them. Now, if I step on a cricket and accidentally kill it I will learn from that mistake to watch where I am walking. Boom, done. If I step on a cricket and I kill it and then I stay in bed for 6 days thinking about the baby crickets who no longer have a mom and how I am forever the cricket killer, that is a problem. I am giving into emotions and making more of a situation than what is, I am essentially, stealing from the now and feeding into psychological time where it is not edifying to myself, or my goals, it’s only hindering me, but remembering the concept above, providing a false feeling of comfort.

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I mean…. mind blown. Here’s the thing, I believe that deep down we already have all the answers we are asking for, we just don’t know we do. Everything you need to know, you do! You’ve learned it in other situations or from other people, your soul screams it’s desires and you listen in ways you might not expect, but you already know everything- you just have to trust yourself.

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This is the most mind blowing part in my opinion. If have depression or anxiety you know that little voice all too well. It just never shuts up! But that voice is not you, that’s just the voice. It’s not you. And you have the power to shut that voice off. Once you can grasp that concept in your mind, your entire life will change! I will agree that is a hard concept to grasp, especially because the voice in your head right now is saying “yeah right, you can’t do that”. But you can and I really think it’s the secret to accomplishing your goals or conquering fears.

So there you have it, I hope your mind is officially WTF-ed. Because mine is. But I couldn’t not share these things with you because I really think this book is 100% life changing and I am actually a little jelly I didn’t write it myself, to be honest.

 

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**This blog contains a link that I could, potentially, make a few cents on. Know you don’t have to buy this book, but it does support Adultish, and besides me really appreciating it, I am happy to see how your life changes from this book as well. **

Coffee Catch Up, Blog 2 | Adultish

If you haven’t read the last coffee catch up, you might want to or you’ll be a smidge confused with this blog. We have a lot of important and “OH MY GOD COOL!!!!” things to talk about. Shall we?

First things first, we need to talk about how this meme is 112% me.

 

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Second, Vegas Friend came home early from his stinky, smelly, camping trip. (And yes, that is Vegas Friends arm in my featured photo… that’s all you get Adultish Fam!) Hallelujah-praise-the-lord because he was D O N E. This meant my time with Tweety came to a halt and I had to go back to my house and resume life as we know it, sans hot tub. First world problems.

Work was a little more cray cray than usual, but we adulted and got stuff done. So come Thursday night I was SO FREAKING READY FOR THE WEEKEND. Since work was extra crazy with some extra hours my boss said I could leave early on Friday. I told Vegas Friend I was going to leave work early and we started talking about the weekend. One casual “we should just go to Vegas” turned into Vegas Friend getting a hotel room and…. are you even ready for this part?

TICKETS TO SEE CELINE DION.

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The excitement was so real Ass Kicker Mom had to tell me to stop freaking out or I would pass out. Accurate. Thanks again mom thing.

This meant that all my weekend GYSTing and homework HAD to be done by time we left for Vegas. Thursday night was a LATE night. But that feeling of satisfaction knowing everything was done was worth it. I went to work in a state of pure excitement and I come 11am I left and we were straight on our way to Vegas and the beautiful Celine.. drool.

I didn’t get too many pictures of the performance, because honestly I was mesmerized the entire time. But I did get the most gorgeous hoodie that says “CELINE DION VEGAS” in glitter. What’s not to love. We went to see the movie Deadpool, and omg, Ryan Reynolds is too much for me.

Later Saturday Vegas Friend went  to play slots and I went to our room to complete a nasty 93 question test for the class I’m in. Safe to say by time I finished I was ready for a drink! I got my trust Jack and Coke, which tasted just like hopes and dreams and we pressed that “repeat bet” button all night. At some point we walked down the strip and I got one of those huge 3 feet tall drinks. About two sips in I had a huge headache and ended up going back to the room and sleeping for about 5 hours while Vegas Friend played multiple rounds of solitaire.

Sunday we went to Raising Canes and had the most delicious chicken ever. Then the mandatory stop to Grand Luxe for beignets. We left Vegas to endure traffic at about 4pm and I got home about 9ish I think.

Then it was a question of going straight to bed or getting my life together. And I chose to get my life together. I worked on Adultish, unpacked from the trip, cleaned up a little, showered and did some homework. Crawled in bed at about midnight and 5am came way too soon.

But I am learning something awesome, that it’s totally possible to do EVERYTHING you want- you just have to be really smart about it. Most nights I get home about 8 or 9pm. I almost always want to just go to bed. But instead I make the conscious decision to be proactive instead of leave things for “tomorrow” (cause I never do it “tomorrow”). So the other night when I got home after work and 5 hours of sleep I put away the laundry I did, worked on the blog, did homework, cleaned out my fridge, filled out my planner, and did all the things. I am so much more productive at this point of my life than I have ever been in my life.

I also made this schedule in excel and I have found visually seeing my time is such a game changer. I use “flex” as free time, but this time is usually spent with Vegas Friend or staying at work later than usual.

I have been able to be more consistent with my goals this week of walking 10k steps and drinking water along with taking my vitamins.

Baby steps my friends… and this meme 🙂

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