Life Hurts| Adultish

I used to think that when I got older that things would be easier. You grow up, get a better job and make lots of money. But with age comes more expensive things- and there goes all that money. I used to think that as a grown up things would be easier- maybe relationships would become easier. I could be around who I wanted and spend my time wisely with the people I cherished. But with getting older also comes disease, cancer, heart attacks…

This is a part of life that I have never dealt with before. But it is indeed a part of “adulting”. And it hurts. 

Everything hurts. My friends hurt, and my family hurts, their friends and family hurt- I hurt.

The hurt that feels like your organs are being ripped right from your body and all you can do in return is cry with the intensity that things are being ripped from your body.

The hurt that at some point turns into complete numbness- knowing that things *should* affect you, but you’re so affected that it all melts into one huge  whole body all consuming numbness.

Maybe the “adulting” part is that you still go to work, you still pay your bills and work on huge projects and just live with the extreme numbing pain until it goes away. Maybe you “fake it till you make it”. Or maybe your me and you go white as a ghost when you get the news, you sit down and just think “fuck”.

because at this point that is all there is left to say.

fuck.

fuck death and cancer and everything that comes with it.

and fuck parole board people and remembering your childhood.

fuck divorces that will never end and work that will never slow down.

but mostly fuck that picture in our head- the one that makes you think life should be perfect and that we should never have a down moment.

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How To Spring Clean Your Life| Adultish

Being that we are a few days into spring and it has stopped raining- it’s time for a Spring Blog!

Usually when we think about Spring Cleaning we think about washing the curtains and dusting ceiling fans. We don’t usually think about the season changeWhenever the seasons change I like to take that as a chance to revamp, and get my life together post-winter, pre-spring style.

Spring cleaning your life can be broken down into three categories.

First, there is the actual cleaning part.

I like to take this time to open the windows and get some fresh air in. Let all the winter feels fly out the window (literally), put some tunes on and clean your nasty house ya filthy animal. This is basically my GYST routine on crack. Of course I always wash dishes and do laundry- but I have found a few things that really make my space feel springy.

  • Change your curtains/ curtain rod- no really, makes a HUGE difference
  • Dust. Try not to think of this as a chore but more of a symbolic representation of cleaning a season away, and welcoming a new one.
  • Rearrange/ redecorate. I find myself doing this quite frequently just because I love it. Moving one piece of furniture can revamp the look of your place.
  • Change your sheets/ decorative pillows or pillow cases
  • Invest in a carpet rake– so random I know but it’s totally a miracle worker. (Take it from a flooring installers ex-wife who knows a thing or two.)
  • And probably my all time favorite- change your homes scent- I alternate between Scentsy and using my diffuser with essential oils. To each their own.

Second part of spring cleaning your life is planning. #PlanAllTheThings

Like I said, I really look at each season change as basically a new start. And you already know I love new beginnings! I plan my finances for the next few months, solidify any trips (hint hint/wink wink) make my doctors appointments. I reevaluate where I am with my goals for the year/ for my life- any and everything that’s future-focused. Even my car (who I named Molly because- well. She looks like a Molly) got on the band wagon of new beginnings because my service required light came on and I had to get an oil change and tire rotation- Molly’s always looking out for me/ taking all my money. Even more things I will do (depending on my motivation).

  • Organize my dresser and closet
  • Purge clothes I haven’t worn/ won’t wear
  • Make a spring dream board of my short term goals for the next few months
  • Change my phone lock screen. I know this sounds weird- but- change sparks joy and even if you only change your phones lock screen you will be surprised at the impact it will make

Last but not least is lifestyle.

Guess whats after Spring… can anyone guess? SUMMER!! And I may or may not have a super exciting trip around the corner that you’re going to lose your mind about need to get my mind and body ready for summer again. So that means I need to really hunker down on my runs, workouts, and yoga. I also lump a ton of beauty stuff in this category you could do in here too…

  • Get your haircut
  • Get a facial or do a home facial
  • Get a massage/ go float/ go to the chiropractor
  • Revamp your workout routine
  • Do all the masks- face, hair, skin masks. Never too many masks.
  • Change your meditation/ yoga/ workout space

I hope that you will give these tips/tricks/hacks/ weird things I do a try. Personally I love season changes and all that is to come with them. I am also filled with too much coffee and not enough sleep- so it could be that too.

Happy Spring!

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You Always Say That | Adultish

You know how people always say ” if I knew then what I know now”? I love that little piece of advice because I think it’s extremely relatable. But I don’t believe in regrets- or in living your life focused on the “could have/ should haves” of life. Instead I think you just need to live.

This advice is most appropriate for those people who *could* know what you know now. Usually our kids, friends, cousins, relatives can use this information the most, before it’s too late. A lot of these lessons are EASY ones, harmless ones, but needless to say, ones we can’t see the importance of until we are 23 and contemplating life for the 96th time this week.

Here we are, at one of BKs extracurriculars. BK seems to get discouraged rather fast, maybe a smidge of a pessimist and a splash of anxiety- ingredients for one awesome kid with a remarkable ability to make up illnesses and excuses- but she is sooo cute. Things like- “I’ve been sneezing a lot- do you think I should go? “ugh, this is dumb” “do I have to go?”- legit questions BK asks every week. My response is always the same “It’ll be as good as you make it”. No matter what the issue or complaint is- it will be as good as you make it. And then tonight BK says “Ugh, YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT” Yep! I sure do. And you know why? Because it’s an invaluable lesson. Going through a divorce? It will be as good as you make it. Plan an entire week and it’s all going a different way? It’ll be as good as you make it.

That’s the key- we have so much control over our life that we don’t even realize. Control that we don’t channel because it’s the hardest to channel. We can choose our emotions, our outlook, our feelings. With control over our emotions we can then control the way we view situations. Example: BK doesn’t want to do extracurriculars because…. the room stinks (its true). Because the room stinks we decide it’s disgusting, we decide we hate it, we decide we hate extracurriculars. OR. The room stinks. And that’s it- it just stinks. But we come to extracurriculars, we kick ass and take names and then we go eat Pho.

Everything will be as good as you make it- but it takes effort and a conscious decision to legit “choose the road less traveled by”. There’s been a lot of things I could be reactive about, I could let ruin my life, I could be a total brat about. And I think BD (before divorce) I let everything ruin my life and change my emotions. And then came a time where I just could not invest emotions in things that did not truly matter- because that’s how people become grumpy old senile jerks who give soap for Christmas. Don’t be a jerky senile soap giver.

The Struggle Bus

I don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I am the Struggle Bus. I am what you ride when shit gets too real to ride the Easy Train. Years ago I was the Easy Train, I was new and shiny, engine purred like a kitten and my Mercedes hood ornament was so shiny!But that was years ago. Now I don’t have a hood ornament, some ass-wipe kids took it. My seats are mostly metal, the cushions and fabric are torn off from extreme use, and age. I am kind of stinky, a mix of wet yuck and gasoline. I used to drive smoothly, but now my exhaust pipe blows black gunk and my engine might have a cat stuck in there. But, you already know who I am- who am I kidding.

I am the Struggle Bus. The “I forgot my matching shoe and to brush my hair” transit vehicle on your way to work. I drove you to the store with your last nineteen bucks. It was twenty but I hit a bump and a dollar flew out of the window. Oh, almost forgot to mention how the windows don’t roll up or down because they are cracked and have baseball sized holes in them. I think it gives me character.

I am the Struggle Bus. I am the reason you spilt a smoothie on your white pants before that meeting with your boss today. You know, the meeting where said smoothie-pants smelled up the entire 3rd floor conference room and people just looked at you as if you were a puppy who peed on the rug. I picked you up from that meeting too… except…..PS. You left your keys on the passengers seat and I have zip ties for door handles- so good luck on getting those back. I’m pretty innovative with zip ties.

I am the Struggle Bus. Everyone rides me from time to time. I am usually taking brand new moms to their baby’s first doctor appointment, you know, the one where the doctor freaks you out about everything and then you cry because your baby lost more than 10% of its body weight. Or sometimes I come and pick you up right after a night of intense drinking, I do that for a lot of people. Maybe that’s why I smell?

I know what your thinking. Why the hell would you want to ride the stinky-cat-engine Struggle Bus when you COULD ride the Easy Train? Cause the Easy Train is pretty sweet. Usually you ride it when you have more than twenty bucks for the week and clean pants. And the Easy Train is nice, actual seat cushions, and it doesn’t even stink!

But everyone gets to ride the Struggle Bus, it’s a right of passage. The type of lesson that makes taking the Easy Train feel remarkable. Rides that detour at “Get Your Life Together” and “How to Adult” Avenue. I don’t want you not to like me just because I am not “as nice” as the Easy Train- after all, he doesn’t have the life experience I do. I know I kind of stink, and I know the seats are sticky sometimes, but I have so many lessons to teach you. So please, next time you’re riding the good ole Struggle Bus, try to be appreciative of the things you do like, or think about how everyone has a turn on the Bus. It shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing, but just another learning experience, a part of life.

Love always,

Struggle Bus.

How To Save Yourself | Adultish

Have you ever had those days when you’re ten points past a healthy level of exhaustion? When all of your thoughts are swimming in your head at an unbelievable pace and you can’t think straight. The days when work clothes feel like a thousand pounds and deadlines are looming over your head? What do you want usually? A glass of wine, a movie, pizza, alone time to do “the dirty”, or maybe just take a nap- because let’s be real you need a shower.

If there’s one thing I have learned it’s that you are the only person that can save you- and no I am not talking about religion. I am talking about listening to your soul, your core, your deepest desires of what your mind and body needs- and then acting on those needs! When you are tired and achy in every way possible- these are the ways to save yourself.

Lifesaving. Tip- Numero Uno

STOP.

No really, just stop. Stop what your doing, stop what you’re thinking and just be. Listen to your breath, listen to what you know is true. Re calibrate your mind to all things right and pleasant. Listen to the birds, watch the rain fall, feel the wind. Consume yourself with the things that are not complicated. Just stop- and be.

Lifesaving tip- Zwei

Figure out what the issue or stress is- and make a plan. Because even though it would be awesome if things randomly fixed themselves, that’s totally not how life works. Instead we have to recognize that there’s an issue, come to terms with how we feel, figure out why we feel that way- and then kick ass and solve life’s shit. A goal with out a plan is just a wish.

Lifesaving tip- 3

This is actually like 47 tips in one, but when used together can raise the dead (dead-ish). When you’re dead and dying, go take a shower. Take your make up off, shave your body to naked mole rat status, clean your ears out- get yourself cleaned and revamped. Then go put on pajamas, or leggings (because there’s a difference, okay. Leggings *can* be pajamas, but they aren’t a generalized “pajama” article of clothing). And now, veg. Watch YouTube, lay on the couch and watch Netflix- recharge in any and every way possible.

You see, we are “dead” a lot.  We need to be “saved” or put back together, have a little R&R time and time again- and that’s okay! The most amazing things will happen when you learn that you can save yourself. You won’t stress as easily, because you’ll know there’s a remedy. You will be less likely to drive yourself into the ground because you will be in tune when things feel off kilter. And most importantly, well… you won’t be dead.

When You Have A Bonus Kid

So this is a topic I never touch on because I feel like it is way too personal and incriminating to the aliases I have made on my blog. But I have written many blogs that explain what happens when you have a “Bonus Kid” and just never published them. Welp- that’s all changing now.

You see, when Vegas Friend and I started to become “closer friends” we kept Bonus Kid out of everything. BK didn’t know about me, we weren’t around with each other and it was a non issue. Now from my past blogs you will know that I had an interesting upbringing and that has made me a very “Child Sensitive Minded” person- if that’s a thing. I am always very receptive to kids feelings and very in-tuned with what they are trying to say. I am very empathetic by nature, and maybe more so with kids.

So here we are. Vegas Friend and Bonus Kid, my new “normal” that feels so weird. Weird because I am #not trying to be Bonus Kids mom, and they know that. Weird because I am zero percent qualified to even drive a kid around with me- yet I do. This is a whole new experience of “kid” that I have never known.

I didn’t know I could love a kid that wasn’t mine, or have the school calendar memorized of Bonus Kids days off. I didn’t know there would ever be a time of me looking at a report card and being super proud- Bonus Kid isn’t just a silly goober, but a SMART silly goober.

That’s kind of the thing about “Bonus Kids”. They are the bonus to your relationship. The provide humor, random outbursts about how much they have to pee, ladle in twenty pound of garlic “accidentally” and leave crumbs all over the place. And then they leave and you miss them. Bonus in the sense that I can hardly stand most other peoples kids, minus good friends, and I actually like this one!

Bonus because I have learned SO MUCH through Bonus Kid, and I get to show BK new things, like art, or planting, or playing scrabble (although, have you ever played scrabble with a kid?! I am not sure I advise. Lol).

One huge lesson is that I usually have the patience of a saint with BK. I am never upset, never annoyed or frustrated. BK is a kid, and I am pretty good at remembering that. EXCEPT, for when I am not good at it. We had a “long” day of a lot of highs and lows. The day started off GREAT, and then I started not to feel 100%. I was really irritable and grouchy. Well, turns out Kids sense EVERYTHING. And by 7 or so at night and the longest day of life, BK inadvertently throwing plants towards my eyeballs and then just being hangry- something happened. I was so agitated and uncomfortable I just got up and went inside.

I just wanted to shower the plants and day off of me and get ready to go out to dinner. Vegas Friend and BK were a little surprised because I have never just gotten up and walked away before. I went in to shower and Vegas Friend came in. I was sitting on the shower floor, Uber upset because I just let BK know I was frustrated. Well, turns out BK started crying because she thought I was mad at her, and then I felt like total garbage. So I went in to talk to her. It took me back to being a kid and when my grandma would be upset with me. I would get so wrapped up in my feelings I would just start to cry. BK said, you’re always so calm and you always take my side and make me laugh, and tonight you just walked away. So pause here, and just hear my heart shatter in a million pieces. Yep. I felt like a TOTAL ASS. I just explained we all have good days and bad days, and as an adult I should be able to handle my emotions better, and that I was sorry. We talked for an hour on her bed while Vegas Friend was dying of starvation on the couch- then went to have steak. And steak fixes everything.

I don’t totally know if there’s a point to this blog, or a lesson to take away. But props to the actual moms with the actual kids who do this on the daily. A Bonus Kid is hard enough.

My New Place Ft. Vegas Friend

You know how some people say that if you put something out into the universe that it is more likely to happen? Well I guess it’s true! After the divorce bomb dropped I just needed a place to stay and ASAP. Affordable and safe were my only two criteria. Then as time went along and I started to grow more into who I am now I began to really crave my own space. If I could swing it financially (I live in SoCal…. Real estate here is insane) I would have my own two bedroom apartment… However I am not rich so that was not an option. But I did know I wanted a place to call home, something that was private, judgement free and gave me the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted.

So, 27 days into the new year that’s exactly what I found! Now the humorous thing here is that in December I had a magic 8 ball at Mom/Ass Kickers house and it said I was going to be moving. Thinking I should buy a magic 8 ball for all of life’s questions now.

A friend of mine told me about this place that she knew was for rent. I went to see it and right after called Mom/Ass Kicker, practically screaming “IT’S PERFECT!!!”. Later that same night I stayed at Vegas Friends house and explained all of this to him (ps, if you haven’t figured it out, Vegas Friend is a “him”). I think he met me with normal apprehension, making sure I thoroughly thought all of this through and wasn’t making a rash decision- he’s good at that.

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So then I was left to tell my roommate, which you can read about here. And buy a bed, a spatula, and eighty-five other things I didn’t know I needed until I realized you basically can’t function without them.

All of Saturday I spent going back and forth between old house and new house, loading my car up and trekking my belongings up the steepest stairs known to man. Sunday I made eleventy-million (yes, it’s a number) trips to everywhere to buy last minute items and unpacked the last of my things in anticipation for the work week.

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My car has stuff all over it- I have never had a dirty car. I have milk, sandwich makings, and coffee creamer in my fridge. But hey- my entire “house” is decorated! Excluding the kitchen cause it’s ugly and I am not set on what I will do with it yet.

Vegas Friend came over Sunday night before we went to dinner to check out my new Home Sweet Home. He did a somewhat safety inspection, told me to get a new lock for my door and generally approved- then laughed at the kitchen.

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This feeling is amazing though. Having my own space. Being responsible for only me, never having to talk to anyone else. It’s magical!