To The Bloggers That Be| Featured Blogs| May Blog A Day

Herein lies my list of blogs I run to for humor, solace, life advice, and well… to be nosey.

When I first started my blog I really didn’t know what I was doing at all and I just wanted to speak my mind about more taboo subjects. In 7 months I have just shy of 200 followers and a whole new group of friends because of it. So, here’s to you for reading, comment, liking and following.

You’re the real MVP.

Julie Cares

She’s one of the most genuine bloggers I know, so nice and very engaged with commenting and giving back. Also, super active on IG. We joke about meet ups and being intoxicated. Watch out world.

Andrea Joy over at Saving Joyfully

-She has some really great ideas on saving, cheap things to do, and tons of blogs on birthday discounts. She also may or may not be the reason I am dying to buy a nespresso machine. OOPS!

Shanda on My Anxious Heart.

We “met” in an online “Young Wives” group… you know, when I was still married. Though I’m not in that group anymore I do love to keep up with some of the girls I knew. Shanda was born with a heart condition and has some lovely anxiety (hints the blog name, Anxious Heart). She’s a newly wed, and a total sweet heart.

Alys at Alys Journals 

She is one of my newest finds but has SO MANY BLOGS and a huge following. She writes about anxiety, things she’s learned in her twenties (hi, yes can you download straight into my brain) and has some really awesome blogging tips I am not get qualified to write about.

Jacque on SheDesignedALifeSheLovedHTX

We are actual real life friends and have way more in common than what you want to know. She is allll about traveling, fashion, being the cutest blonde of life and just a down right awesome human. You my faveeee.

Do yourself a favor and check out these blogs, save yourself some money, ooh and ahh over someone elses vacay, and remember to pay it forward. Since we are talking of paying it forward I want to pick YOUR brain. For the whole month of May I will be posting everyday. Let’s call it- May Blog A Day (because I’m not the most creative person). This means I will be collabing with YOU and your favorite blogs. Let’s interview you, collab, meet at Starbys and wreak havoc.

Ways to Collab

  • Email me over at tobeadultish@outlook.com
  • Comment on this blog and let me know!
  • Join me on May Blog A Day

Or don’t and be a rebel- whatevs.

 

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Parole Hearing & Forgiveness | Adultish

To say that “I don’t want to write this blog” would be a complete and utter understatement. I might actually rather be caught on fire (okay, not really.. but you get my point). I guess I knew this was coming. I knew it from three years ago. And yet BOOM- I’m all emotional and contemplating life like it’s my hobby.

You see – Sperm Donor (my “dad” ((just threw up a bit)) ) is eligible for parole right now. And every time this happens I get to have an interview with the parole board. I don’t think I mind this- I don’t think this is what bothers me. But the idea that I am “playing God” definitely does bother me.

And I suppose what bothers me MOST is that EDF is also interviewing. Last time this happened she went out of her way to make sure he was not released. Petitions, letters, crazy stuff that I legit don’t have the time for. Or the desire. Nor the fucks to give. And it makes me feel as if she fights so hard for her way that mine doesn’t even matter.

I want to be true to me in the process here- I want to not lose myself or be changed by anger. And “me” can’t even kill an earth worm. I legit saved two of them just the other day. I can’t get rid of a plant that’s dying because to me it’s murder. And- yes, I know I sound totally crazy. But I grew up with constant hurt so as an adult I detest the idea.

Harboring unforgiveness is toxic to your soul. It’s poison. Unforgiveness robs your joy, steals your happiness. I filled my morning with podcasts on forgiveness. One thing stuck out the most- forgiving someone doesn’t mean you go out to dinner with them, or have sleep overs. It just means you’ve forgiven them. It just means you’ve let go of the poison in your heart and you’re not as impacted by the situation anymore.

I want to know that I was true to myself and my values the entire time. It’s not up to non-earth-worm-killing-me if he is released on parole. It’s up to the parole board and some guy Fred. I think I realized this morning that just because I have forgiven him, doesn’t make everything rainbows and lollipops. Whenever he gets out I will have to deal with whatever emotions come my way. But I do know I will come to work, drink tons of coffee, decorate and redecorate my place and continue life as we know it.

Because truly I only have 5 fucks to give each day, and not one of them is for this.

 

When You Have A Bonus Kid

So this is a topic I never touch on because I feel like it is way too personal and incriminating to the aliases I have made on my blog. But I have written many blogs that explain what happens when you have a “Bonus Kid” and just never published them. Welp- that’s all changing now.

You see, when Vegas Friend and I started to become “closer friends” we kept Bonus Kid out of everything. BK didn’t know about me, we weren’t around with each other and it was a non issue. Now from my past blogs you will know that I had an interesting upbringing and that has made me a very “Child Sensitive Minded” person- if that’s a thing. I am always very receptive to kids feelings and very in-tuned with what they are trying to say. I am very empathetic by nature, and maybe more so with kids.

So here we are. Vegas Friend and Bonus Kid, my new “normal” that feels so weird. Weird because I am #not trying to be Bonus Kids mom, and they know that. Weird because I am zero percent qualified to even drive a kid around with me- yet I do. This is a whole new experience of “kid” that I have never known.

I didn’t know I could love a kid that wasn’t mine, or have the school calendar memorized of Bonus Kids days off. I didn’t know there would ever be a time of me looking at a report card and being super proud- Bonus Kid isn’t just a silly goober, but a SMART silly goober.

That’s kind of the thing about “Bonus Kids”. They are the bonus to your relationship. The provide humor, random outbursts about how much they have to pee, ladle in twenty pound of garlic “accidentally” and leave crumbs all over the place. And then they leave and you miss them. Bonus in the sense that I can hardly stand most other peoples kids, minus good friends, and I actually like this one!

Bonus because I have learned SO MUCH through Bonus Kid, and I get to show BK new things, like art, or planting, or playing scrabble (although, have you ever played scrabble with a kid?! I am not sure I advise. Lol).

One huge lesson is that I usually have the patience of a saint with BK. I am never upset, never annoyed or frustrated. BK is a kid, and I am pretty good at remembering that. EXCEPT, for when I am not good at it. We had a “long” day of a lot of highs and lows. The day started off GREAT, and then I started not to feel 100%. I was really irritable and grouchy. Well, turns out Kids sense EVERYTHING. And by 7 or so at night and the longest day of life, BK inadvertently throwing plants towards my eyeballs and then just being hangry- something happened. I was so agitated and uncomfortable I just got up and went inside.

I just wanted to shower the plants and day off of me and get ready to go out to dinner. Vegas Friend and BK were a little surprised because I have never just gotten up and walked away before. I went in to shower and Vegas Friend came in. I was sitting on the shower floor, Uber upset because I just let BK know I was frustrated. Well, turns out BK started crying because she thought I was mad at her, and then I felt like total garbage. So I went in to talk to her. It took me back to being a kid and when my grandma would be upset with me. I would get so wrapped up in my feelings I would just start to cry. BK said, you’re always so calm and you always take my side and make me laugh, and tonight you just walked away. So pause here, and just hear my heart shatter in a million pieces. Yep. I felt like a TOTAL ASS. I just explained we all have good days and bad days, and as an adult I should be able to handle my emotions better, and that I was sorry. We talked for an hour on her bed while Vegas Friend was dying of starvation on the couch- then went to have steak. And steak fixes everything.

I don’t totally know if there’s a point to this blog, or a lesson to take away. But props to the actual moms with the actual kids who do this on the daily. A Bonus Kid is hard enough.

My Response: My Marriage Failed, And Your Opinion About That Doesn’t Count

I am new to this divorce thing, seeing as how mine is final in 25 days. But what I am not new to is the immense judgement that comes with “divorce”. The week my divorce made headline news at work (ugh) people would ask “how long were you married?” as if to quantify my pain with time married and see if they equated to something noteworthy. Or “Why are you getting a divorce, have you tried counseling?” infinite eye rolls.

Mom Ass Kicker sent me this article today My Marriage Failed, And Your Opinion About That Doesn’t Count and Heather LeRoss said it so plainly “The ‘reasons’ for divorce don’t matter”. There is not an emotional richter scale where x reason equals y amount of hurt or pain. Divorce is divorce. It’s the end of what you planned. It’s the death of an entire life you’ve crafted.

I thought about the scale of “starting over”. Everything my ex husband and I did was for our future. We bought a house so we would be more financially stable. Once we got the house we got a kid friendly dog, chosen specifically for it’s demeanor with children. We wanted to have the dog for a few years before we had kids. We planned to remodel the house to add additional rooms for said imaginary kids. We had a savings for incidentals and planned how exactly we were going to do everything. And then it was over.

Divorce is not easy, or quick. Divorce really is LeRoss’ example of carry around a glass bowl that just gets heavier and heavier and then watching it fall and being left to pick up the glass pieces. And you know you will cut yourself on the glass, you know you will be inured and it will suck and hurt. But you can’t tip toe around glass just hoping not to get cut… that would be exhausting. So you pick up the shards of glass that look a lot like old dog pictures, engagement memorabilia, your wedding bouquet. And you chuck them in the trash and make new plans, for the new you, and the new life you’ve created.

If there is one thing trying to be adultish has taught me it’s that you get up, shake it off, and go kick ass all over again.

As LeRoss said “to all those who say, “Well, I’m entitled to my opinion,” kindly suggest since they are so entitled, they should keep it all to themselves”.

Turn on the light and find yourself

All I seem to be doing lately is growing. Do you remember being younger and having those horrible pains in your legs that people shrugged off as “growing pains”? I hated those damn things. My grandma would come into my room and rub my legs until they felt better because I would be in tears. At 23 I still get growing pains- but not the kinds in my legs.

It hurts to grow. We learn new lessons and come to understand more and more things with age and experience. Unfortunately, if you never had those pains as a child you wouldn’t have grown… and likewise, if you don’t experience the metaphorical growing pains in life, you don’t grow up. All of those pains have led me to this strange place that I am at now. A place where I call my bedroom home and find comfort in silence, and beauty in nature. In the midst of my shaky world, I found beauty, forgiveness and so many other things I was missing. I found myself. Now I could tell you that you need to go see a yogi while snorting essential oils and drinking Crystal Elixers all while in childs pose holding palo santo so that “you too can find yourself”.  While I am not bashing any of those beautiful things, heck- I do most of those things, I will tell you the free version of how to find yourself. This “free” refers strictly to monetary value and not pain. I repeat- this demo will include a fair amount of pain. Let’s get started!

In my extreme luck, I have learned something for you- so please, head my words of wisdom or you might actually end up in our child’s pose scenario (which looks a lot like giving up on life, mind you).

Be screwed (not that way)

Embrace the moments in life when you are totally and utterly screwed in every way possible. Like, have a jacked childhood, move to California at 18 by yourself, and then go through a divorce and question everything you’ve ever known (or do the personal equivalent for you- not a challenge).I know this sounds extreme- and it totes is- you’re so observant! When you find yourself at your absolute lowest in your life, you learn what really matters. That old annoying phrase of “nowhere to go but up” is true. Sometimes in life we need to crash and burn because there is no other way to repair what has been done. It’s like a whole house renovation- but with your mind, body and soul. Something about not being able to find happiness or joy makes you so incredibly thirsty for life. It sets you on fire to learn what will be joyous to you. And that is when you learn that you actually do like crystals and essential oils- you don’t actually snort them though. Too far, way, way too far.

Stay Close To The People Who Feel Like Sunshine-

Have you ever been around someone who positively charges you? You feel safe with them, you feel loved, and you could spend infinite time with them. Certain people positively charge us and it adds strength to our mind and our soul. My two examples of this would be Ass/Kicker Mom and my Roommate. These relationships are not hard to maintain, we come purely and honestly to each other, and we respect each others differences. When you have relationships like this, you learn the emotional difference between “pseudo friends” (those friends who are only around when they want something, or want to brag) and actual friends.Conversely, you can be around someone who you feel empty and depleted after their visit… These are your “soul sucking friends”.Now, I know that sounds so incredibly intense… but these relationships are detrimental your peace. Learn what makes your skin crawl (or who) and stay away. I believe that there is good in everyone, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is good for you. If you don’t jive well with people who are judgmental- recognize the trait as undesirable, remove yourself, and make a mental note to be extra tolerable and understanding so that you’re not accidentally perceived that way either.

Forgive and Forget-

This might not seem like something you would think should be included in a blog to find yourself, but I would venture to say that it is one of the most important things. I think my 8th grade teacher told me that holding onto unforgiveness and hatred towards a person does not affect the other person, it only affects you. So while people are busy trying to destroy you, don’t let your mind destroy you too by holding onto something that is not yours. The mind is a very positive thing. If we allow our mind to be consumed by hatred and negative thoughts towards others or ourselves, we begin to act on those negatives thoughts. Unforgiveness is like a poison. Whatever happened that made there need to be a need to forgive was poison. The poison slowly seeps into your mind and soul when you allow it to manifest into hatred, or sadness, or you begin to believe the lies. This poison creeps out into your actions and mindset, leaking out into all different aspects of your life until everything is poisoned. Everything is tainted and corrupt. The poison of unforgiveness is quick, but the option to forgive is the anecdote- healing, uplifting, and cleansing. Choosing to forgive and trade in the lies for truth is a step towards the actual you.

Choose Joy

Carl Young once said “I am not what happened to me, but I am what I choose to become”. You can choose to grow from mistakes, from being screwed, having shitty things happen to you. You can choose joy, love, kindness, understanding, forgiveness. The power to be who we want is ours. You just have to weed out all of the things that have snuck into your life on the way. Growing up I believed a lot of things that were said about me. So when I got married I had this idea that I really wasn’t good enough, or smart enough, or pretty. Then when my husband asked me for a divorce it almost solidified those childhood curses and I believed them more then than ever. It has taken a decent amount of time to recognize that I viewed my life from the lenses of a poisonous person, someone who did not choose joy or love. You can’t go around in life and let other peoples thoughts of you become your truth. You must find your own truth- and that is what you become.