You Always Say That | Adultish

You know how people always say ” if I knew then what I know now”? I love that little piece of advice because I think it’s extremely relatable. But I don’t believe in regrets- or in living your life focused on the “could have/ should haves” of life. Instead I think you just need to live.

This advice is most appropriate for those people who *could* know what you know now. Usually our kids, friends, cousins, relatives can use this information the most, before it’s too late. A lot of these lessons are EASY ones, harmless ones, but needless to say, ones we can’t see the importance of until we are 23 and contemplating life for the 96th time this week.

Here we are, at one of BKs extracurriculars. BK seems to get discouraged rather fast, maybe a smidge of a pessimist and a splash of anxiety- ingredients for one awesome kid with a remarkable ability to make up illnesses and excuses- but she is sooo cute. Things like- “I’ve been sneezing a lot- do you think I should go? “ugh, this is dumb” “do I have to go?”- legit questions BK asks every week. My response is always the same “It’ll be as good as you make it”. No matter what the issue or complaint is- it will be as good as you make it. And then tonight BK says “Ugh, YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT” Yep! I sure do. And you know why? Because it’s an invaluable lesson. Going through a divorce? It will be as good as you make it. Plan an entire week and it’s all going a different way? It’ll be as good as you make it.

That’s the key- we have so much control over our life that we don’t even realize. Control that we don’t channel because it’s the hardest to channel. We can choose our emotions, our outlook, our feelings. With control over our emotions we can then control the way we view situations. Example: BK doesn’t want to do extracurriculars because…. the room stinks (its true). Because the room stinks we decide it’s disgusting, we decide we hate it, we decide we hate extracurriculars. OR. The room stinks. And that’s it- it just stinks. But we come to extracurriculars, we kick ass and take names and then we go eat Pho.

Everything will be as good as you make it- but it takes effort and a conscious decision to legit “choose the road less traveled by”. There’s been a lot of things I could be reactive about, I could let ruin my life, I could be a total brat about. And I think BD (before divorce) I let everything ruin my life and change my emotions. And then came a time where I just could not invest emotions in things that did not truly matter- because that’s how people become grumpy old senile jerks who give soap for Christmas. Don’t be a jerky senile soap giver.

How To Save Yourself | Adultish

Have you ever had those days when you’re ten points past a healthy level of exhaustion? When all of your thoughts are swimming in your head at an unbelievable pace and you can’t think straight. The days when work clothes feel like a thousand pounds and deadlines are looming over your head? What do you want usually? A glass of wine, a movie, pizza, alone time to do “the dirty”, or maybe just take a nap- because let’s be real you need a shower.

If there’s one thing I have learned it’s that you are the only person that can save you- and no I am not talking about religion. I am talking about listening to your soul, your core, your deepest desires of what your mind and body needs- and then acting on those needs! When you are tired and achy in every way possible- these are the ways to save yourself.

Lifesaving. Tip- Numero Uno

STOP.

No really, just stop. Stop what your doing, stop what you’re thinking and just be. Listen to your breath, listen to what you know is true. Re calibrate your mind to all things right and pleasant. Listen to the birds, watch the rain fall, feel the wind. Consume yourself with the things that are not complicated. Just stop- and be.

Lifesaving tip- Zwei

Figure out what the issue or stress is- and make a plan. Because even though it would be awesome if things randomly fixed themselves, that’s totally not how life works. Instead we have to recognize that there’s an issue, come to terms with how we feel, figure out why we feel that way- and then kick ass and solve life’s shit. A goal with out a plan is just a wish.

Lifesaving tip- 3

This is actually like 47 tips in one, but when used together can raise the dead (dead-ish). When you’re dead and dying, go take a shower. Take your make up off, shave your body to naked mole rat status, clean your ears out- get yourself cleaned and revamped. Then go put on pajamas, or leggings (because there’s a difference, okay. Leggings *can* be pajamas, but they aren’t a generalized “pajama” article of clothing). And now, veg. Watch YouTube, lay on the couch and watch Netflix- recharge in any and every way possible.

You see, we are “dead” a lot.  We need to be “saved” or put back together, have a little R&R time and time again- and that’s okay! The most amazing things will happen when you learn that you can save yourself. You won’t stress as easily, because you’ll know there’s a remedy. You will be less likely to drive yourself into the ground because you will be in tune when things feel off kilter. And most importantly, well… you won’t be dead.

New Beginnings | Adultish

 

As most of you know I work at a University. Well every class has a ceremony of sorts to “prepare and guide” them for what is to come in their curriculum. This is an event that I get to organize and put together.

One of the things I love about this event is the excitement from the students. They dress up, their families come, tons of pictures and hype. The energy is awesome! And there are snacks- and let’s face it, maybe THAT is my favorite part. It makes reordering a stage and chairs, countless trips to the store, and 5 hours to set up seem worth it.

But it did get me thinking about how magical and uplifting new beginnings are. Take my divorce as an example. Sure, it sucked in the beginning, and sometimes it still does suck- but I have learned SO MUCH in that time. Everyday seems like a new beginning and a new adventure. Everyday seems like endless opportunities- because that’s how I choose to see it.

I think its so important to analyze where you are in your life, and take inventory of your happiness. There are always things to work on, or to strive towards. There are always new things on the horizon.

It’s taken me a long time to learn this. I used to think “woe is me and my life sucks… blah blah blah” and sometimes I still do because I am not a saint- but those times are few and far between. One of the most interesting things that I have done lately is purchased the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (well actually Vegas Friend bought it because he was already on Amazon when we talked about it). And guess what?? This book is actually pretty good!

Get this ” Everybody wants to feel good… Everybody wants that. It’s easy to want that. A more important question that people never consider is “what pain do you want in your life?” Mark Manson, the author, goes on to say that basically we all “want to be happy” but happiness doesn’t fall from the sky, and we aren’t willing to learn, or be uncomfortable in situations long enough for us to truly LEARN anything from them.

There are a lot of things that make me happy. BK, Vegas Friend, puppy cuddles- all of these things make me happy because I have learned to appreciate them. I appreciate Vegas Friend for all he his, and all the things that are different about him- I have grown to appreciate him because I know what it’s like to have someone who is not as sincere, or kind as him. I have learned to relish times of puppy cuddles since I left my dog in the divorce- now every cuddle seems that much more amazing.

Just like I know the students at that event were happy/ anxious/ and probably terrified at the same time- they will go on and learn amazing things. They will struggle with their new “normal” but they will learn so many life lessons. Just like we all do, everyday…

And my only piece of advice here is this… “It’s hell in the hallway”, and ice cream and chips always helps when you’re stuck in the hallway.

 

If I’m Being Honest |Adulting is Hard

Then I would say a lot of things that would make you think differently.

Because honestly I have no clue what I am doing in my life. And honestly I almost quit 7 times today. And I want to find some sort of happiness in the day and wine seems like it would do that. I want to go to sleep and have a dance party at the same time. I want to buy all of the things that I have seen lately because society tells me that it brings joy.

But honestly I am just writing a blog, doing laundry and watching my phone blow up about things I don’t care to read. Honestly I won’t drink a sip of wine because I know it doesn’t solve shit. Honestly I am blasting some weird song that has an appreciative amount of bass while contemplating eating nutella for dinner.

And honestly I have succulents and cereal in my trunk, a sock on my table and not a care in the world.

If I am being honest then I have grown so so much. I asked Mom/ Ass Kicker if I could dye my hair black and get my nose pierced. She said no… But I think I would. And maybe get a tattoo. Buy tarot cards, more crystals and a magic 8 ball because it brings me joy.

The journey of finding yourself is really weird when you start to change all over again. Everyday I want to be at the beach and blast music, everyday I want to paint or run 52 miles. I just W A N T so much- and not a person or any particular thing- but experience.

I want to go travel some more this year. I have no upcoming trips planned and I think I need to change that.

Today at work I got so frustrated with a huge project (magically due today) that one of the Program Directors made me tea (she’s British and tea fixes everything). She said if this is you frustrated I would have never known- you’re still calm, quiet and chipper. And it kind of brought me back to reality. No matter what I “feel” has changed about me, it doesn’t change the ME inside. I am still kind, caring and strangely obsessed with English Breakfast tea.

And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Divorce Update| Adultish is Moving Out

It’s 3AM right now on the third night in a row of  not sleeping. The first night I didn’t sleep because I was stressed an emotional. Cried and cried. The second night I couldn’t sleep because all I could think about was how many spatulas one person might need. The third night, well. Half of my room is disseminated, piles for trash and giveaway, making sure I have everything.

I am moving even closer to work (as if I wasn’t close already). I am moving into *basically* my own place. The owners took one incredibly large master bedroom and put a wall up, then created a kitchen. Full size fridge and everything. I have my own bathroom, own pantry- it’s all mine… by myself.

And while I can’t say I’m not freakishly excited, it also feels “wrong” in a way. I have never been completely by myself before. It’s definitely a stepping stone in adulting. I am some kind of  “scared” or something. I have house sat before and I love it- everythings quiet and all mine. My roommate frequently goes on trips and I am home alone. But this is different. This is my own space, my own stuff.

The place (definitely need to think of a name for my new home… any suggestions??) isn’t furnished- which, keeping with the theme of positivity, is good! It gives me a chance to buy my own furniture (gradually though, I am already freaking out about the fact I don’t own towels or a single spatula). Vegas Friend has an air mattress I will be sleeping on for a few weeks (maybe two… I just don’t have the courage to buy a bed.. I don’t think).

This also means a whole new budget! Yay!

I am so incredibly excited. I have learned a lot by living here with my roommate. The basis of being a grown up and paying rent. Telling her I was moving out was hard. I cried just because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but as she said, it’s a time to spread my wings. (Insert anxious persons mind here: SPREAD MY WINGS? I AM NOT A BIRD, I DO NOT HAVE WINGS, WHAT AM I DOING DOING BIRD THINGS?!?!?!)

Vegas Friend has an extra set of silverware and plates, AssKicker Mom has a surplus of towels I can have. A friend at work has a dresser. It’s all coming together quite smoothly. Now granted, I don’t have a spatula, knife, cutting board, heater, bath mat, oven mitts and like 30 other super important things- but that’s okay.

Now, as far as the divorce…. You’re going to get a kick out of this. You know how some questions just can’t be sugar coated? Mhhkay…

I text my ex randomly last week saying exactly this “so, are we divorced yet?”

Insert seal laugh/clapping here. I didn’t do it to be mean! Like how else was I supposed to ask that? I think his response was “I think so” (sidenote: love how neither of us know). I guess we are waiting on the judge or some garbage that his lawyer promised would be done over a month ago.

Considering the possibly-maybe-could-be-slightly-divorced box I now check at the doctors office, I did a thing. I made a “Divorce Party” registry on Target, listed those stinking spatulas and even a salt and pepper shaker (because I don’t even have that… bahahahha). Which I am not going to lie, the last time I did a registry was for my wedding. But when the bomb dropped I only packed my clothes and hair products (duh) and left EVERY SINGLE THING THERE. Stinker has a crockpot I bet he never uses.

I am excited for what all of this means for Adultish. Basically, I am going to learn a stink-ton more of life lessons- and you guys get to hear all about it! Just don’t let me sell my kidney when things get rough, okay? Cause I have already looked up the price.

 

7 Ways to Survive When You’re Barely Alive| Adultish

I got inspired to write this after I sent off my ten positives to Mom/Ass Kicker (if you don’t know what I am talking about click here). I was laughing at the half-ass things I have learned that have made me *seem* like I know what I am doing- but I TOTALLY DO NOT. And then it made me think about all of the things that I have figured out within the past eight-ish months or so.

First things first, COFFEE. My life would be nothing with out coffee. Between post-divorce insomnia and an anxious mind I rarely sleep and if it weren’t for coffee I don’t think I would even manage to put my shoes on the right feet. This is also what helped me get my Starbucks Gold card in… uhm… no time flat.

Plan Ahead- this is one of those things that you do not want to do- but once you do it just once or twice you learn the value of it. Example: setting out your clothes the night before. I always want to just climb in bed and go to sleep- but then I realize that when I don’t set my clothes out the night before I end up with a tornado of clothes, running late for work, and ultimately stressed. Planning ahead can be as simple as setting your clothes out/ meal planning/ anything that promotes simplicity.

Dry shampoo- it is your friend, your best friend. Home girl does NOT have time to do my hair everyday, and survey says washing your hair everyday isn’t healthy for it- so dry shampoo yourself up and gain some more time in your life. Conversely- shave your head. I have thought about it. #noshame

Live by the “one touch” rule. Basically this is where instead of coming home from work and putting your coat, keys, bag, phone all on the couch “to move later” you just put it away. This might seem like more work than what you want to do- but the alternative is a messy AF house with shit everywhere and you being uber overwhelmed.

Life a life of simplicity, especially if you’re basically dead to begin with. Go back to basics- clean up your living environment, minimize, sort through the things that are clouding your mind and your life and embrace only the things that bring you joy #ThanksKonMari. When you do this there is a feeling of relief, a weigh lifted off your shoulder knowing you’re not stepping over shit you don’t need, emotionally or physically.

Devote one day to GYSTing. I talk about this a lot on Adultish mainly because it’s how I survive. I pick one day, usually Sunday to fill up my car, do my laundry, restock coffee, ensure I have enough creamer for the week, clean out my car and anything else that was neglected over the week. In doing this you never get overtly behind in anything.

Develop a routine. A night routine/GYST routine/ morning routine- develop any sort of regimented protocol you can follow to help with getting your life in order. Doing so helps ensure that you get what needs to be done done and routines are just all around good for your soul. Develop a “self care” routine. Journal, meditate, listen to your favorite radio station getting ready, collect crystals- do something that feeds your soul, especially when it is already feeling depleted.

And as always, if you don’t know what will feed your soul, if you don’t have routines set in place that work for you, or if you just plain old don’t even know where to start- just go stalk the blogs I have written. I learned a crap ton of hard lessons- so maybe I could spare you of some.

 

 

 

What life is about

You know that feeling when you’re driving and that one catchy AF song comes on. You turn the song up, way up, way way up… and you belt out the words and you do a little shimmy in your seat. The other drivers probably think that you’re crazy- but it’s your song.

You know that feeling when you’ve been at your desk for 7 hours and you’re planning to buy the necessary craft supplies for an excel voodoo doll, then your boss emails back saying “Awesome! Great work!” and you beam with joy, reconsider the voodoo doll and take a walk outside instead.

You know that feeling when you get home and then your phone rings- you took someones keys home and have to run back and return them. You get back to work and a conglomerate of students see you and thank you for whatever it was you did. It was an item on a list for you, a worry in education for them.

You know that feeling when you look outside and see the wind moving branches, and the leaves falling. It cleanses you.

You know that feeling when the kitchen counter is clean, and the house is silent.

You know that feeling when you’re at peace. You meditated, or prayed, or talked to a good friend.

You know that feeling of getting out of your head, away from the duties, drama, lists, demands- and you just breathe.

That’s what life is about, the little things. The small piece of chocolate placed on your desk. The coffee your coworker brought you. The funny memes on facebook. The sweet newborn baby pictures on instagram.

Life is so busy, hectic, chaotic, stressful, dramatic- but remember what it is about. Get out of your head. Go jump on the bed with your kids. Eat fruit roll-ups for dinner. Drive to the store for watermelon just because you want it. Remember where you came from and just breathe.

This is what life is about.