This Is Where I’m At| One Year Ago Today

Last year on June 22nd was the day the divorce bomb dropped. You can read all about that here. I didn’t think this day would be hard or bring up any emotions because I really thought I was over the divorce hump.

But I guess not. Because I’ve been pretty angry lately and not known why- but it’s all starting to make sense now. I am so angry because of the way things went down. I am somewhat a control freak, and one year ago my entire life was shattered. Everything I was working towards, everything I thought to be true wasn’t. I was left totally shell shocked and with a trillion things to figure out. Obviously I did figure everything out though.

Which brings me to my next angry point. I am so mad at me. How could I have not been prepared for something like this? How was it possible to be so dependent on someone else that my world came to a screeching halt at their command.

It’s a really tricky place to be in though. To be so angry at one situation but so happy that it didn’t work out at the same time. Last year, at this time, I had no idea what was about to happen. I didn’t know my ex husband wanted a divorce, I didn’t know he had spoken to a lawyer, I thought things were totally fine. So today, one year later, I am left with this PTSD feeling; when is something horrible and earth shattering going to happen? And i’m honestly scared. If something so intense can happen, what’s stopping another super intense thing from happening too?

I talked to Mom/Ass Kicker and told her how I was feeling. And she replied with the two simplest, best sentences ever. “Nothing is going to happen… I promise. You are protected in so many ways” which is so true! In my marriage I worked towards one general goal- marriage, kids, buy a house, train the dog. So it makes sense my world crashed down when that was over.

But ever since that day things have been different. My goals have been different. Here’s how things have been the past year.

June- bomb dropped

July- promoted in my job

August- bought my first car/ started adultish/ went to texas/ went to vegas

September- got my license

November- second Vegas trip

December- First Christmas alone, not fun. Vegas Friend saved the day there.

January- Moved to a new place more like my own apartment

February- Worked on furnishing my apartment. Stopped taking depression and anxiety medicine.

March-  Started to get serious about finances/ credit scores/ and refinancing

April- Started implementing some life long goals and tasks into my everyday life- makes a huge difference. Got my passport.

May- refinanced my car. went to Cancun for my birthday. Did May Blog A Day and Blogged for 31 days straight. Found out my divorce was final. Started taking classes again.

And that brings us to back to day. Where I have a 10 page paper due in 3 days and had to be bribed with string cheese to complete half of it before bed last night. House sitting for Vegas Friend, making my own money, doing what I want when I want.

The ebbs and flows of divorce are just strange. I didn’t expect to feel like anything at all. But when something so intense happens, I guess it is only normal to have such a strong reaction.

This is not to say that I don’t want to egg his house or anything… but eggs are expensive and I would rather take that $5 of salmonella and buy ice cream with it instead.

All of this to say- if you’re going through something so incredibly rough, it gets better. Little by little you will get there, and you will grow and learn so much along the way. You just have to keep pushing.

 

 

 

 

 

An Actual WTF Blog| Going Insane

I think I am  l o s i n g    m y     m i n d

Let me explain. I drove to breakfast so I could enjoy some heavenly pancakes. I drove to a place I have driven eight trillion times before. I went the wrong way. Like, forgot I needed to turn and missed the entire route. Then blew straight through a stop sign. Then missed the TWO entrances to the restaurant.

I even tripped over a sock. Yes, I did just say a sock.

Weird people from my past are emailing and texting me.

People in real life are being all freaky weird.

And I am legit the real life version of Kermit the frog just minding my own business, drinking tea and chilling. It’s much better that way.

All I want in the entire world, other than a dog, pop socket, new luggage and the Samsonite backpack I saw yesterday, is to drink coffee and read a book. Maybe when I turned 24 some magical old lady dust was sprinkled on me. In my spare time I swing on the porch swing yelling “get outta my yard you hoodlum!” Just kidding. It’s a lawn chair. In my bedroom. And I yell at the squirrels.

I went out to eat last night with Vegas Friend and BK. The hostess looked over and said ” two kids and an adult?” And I almost threw my animal crackers at her right then! How rude. I feel like I’m not a second over 102 years old and I look like I need a kids menu?

I proctored an exam at work. I have to say a big long spiel every time about not cheating, how I can and can not help, what the rules are. But I usually tell them the slang version. Something along the lines of “I can’t answer any questions about the test, which is good for you because it looks like spanish to me… You can not cheat. Or think about cheating. Or think about thinking about cheating… if you do cheat I have to do so much work, and you get in trouble and I didn’t wake up at 4 this morning for you to cheat. You can’t have your phones out, or laptops, tablets, or any item that brings you joy. You must remove anything fun” And then once the exams are out I usually say “You guys can start… may the odds be ever in your favor”. Why you ask do I do this? No idea. Probably because I know they are miserable and if I had to retort the original lame speech I would be miserable too. And because well, that’s who I am! I know they appreciate someone who is normal and human. Many times the graduating class has baked me cookies, gotten all the students to sign a thank you card and some one even brought me a coffee mug… they were the real MVP.

All of this to say that I might be going crazy, and blowing through stop signs and saving tailless lizards, but I think that’s the weird concoction that makes “me” ME!

Or, I really am crazy and just making up excuses for myself??

We will never know.

 

 

 

The Liebster Award and Other Random Tidbits

The one and only Severus Snape nominated me for the Liebster 2018 Award. Which is AH-May-ZING. It’s also like a whole little assignment in and of itself, seven components, write a paper, find the blood of a virgin- I mean this is SERIOUS stuff here. All jokes aside I am really grateful to be nominated and to have the chance to shout out some other bloggers as well!

 

The rules and regulations:

 

  • Religiously thank the person who nominated you. (when you thank them remember they had to spend hours writing this same blog as well. You the real MVP.)
  • Blast photos of the award on your blog. Work it.
  • Write a tear filled segment of why you love blogging and explain how it’s the coolest thing since sliced bread.
  • Provide ten random facts about yourself (This is what I am most worried about. I am a WEIRDO)
  • Answer the questions your fellow nominator has given you.
  • Create more questions for your nominees to answer
  • Nominate enough people to create a Brady Bunch family.
  • Comment on the blog post from the Global Aussie with a link DIRECTLY to your Liebster Award nomination. Gotta show proof my friends.

 

I actually talk about how legit blogging is ALL THE TIME. It’s this beautiful outlet you can use to not only help yourself and mentally work through some complicated things in your mind, but also to reach so many people! I’ve found so many people through my blog, had some of the strangest conversations and laughed thanks to other bloggers. It’s a “hobby” that can turn into so much more.

 

When I started Adultish I had actually started 4 other blogs previously. Even paid an unforeseen amount of money towards one… I don’t even remember what those blogs were called and after two weeks I forgot the log in. My debit card did get billed for like six months after though. #MyBad.

 

Wait. Was that number one of the “ten random things”??

 

NUMBER TWO-  I can wear whatever I want to work but I basically wear a uniform. I bought navy, white, black and tan skinny jeans from Hollister. I wear those with my  amazon flats (that I have in 5 different colors). And BOOM! Easiest outfits ever.

3 .I almost bought a fish this weekend. ALMOST. Turns out Petco was closed and the thought of buying fish tank accessories that may or may not have matched the fish (yes, I just said “match a fish”) really freaked me out.

4. I am a TOTAL control freak. Like imagine the most type a person imaginable, multiply it by ninety-seven and that’s me. But I know how I am and so I try really hard to make sure I am nice and sweet to make up for how crazy I am.

5. I LOVE to organize. Take me to the dollar tree and sit me in front of a hoarders house and I would love you forever.

6. I am currently reading The Power of Now, as recommended to me by the fabulous Kayln Nicholson, and Oh-Em-Geeee it’s so good. Every page deeper into the book I get the more I am mind blown.

7. If I eat anything that has dairy or gluten I bloat so intensely I could pass as 4 months pregnant. Does that stop me from eating those things? Absolutely not. *shoves another handful of Rolos into mouth*

8. I have a headache what seems like e v e r y s I n g l e d a y. I’m sure I will die from it one day.

9.I will never turn down Paneras Tomato Basil Soup.

10. I don’t think I will ever be the kind of person who will have an organized sock drawer. It’s just not in the cards for me.

There. 10 random things about me. I am surrounded my Rolo wrappers already. Send help.

Severus Snape had some questions:

Q: If time travel were an option, what would you have done with it?

A: Shot Hitler.

 

Q: If the Internet was a person, what would it have said for mankind?

A: Hmm. Probably something along the lines of “huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening, I was on Pinterest”

 

Q:If characters from novels were real, which of them would you like to be friends with?

A: One fish and two fish. Maybe the red fish and blue fish.

 

Q: If you had a superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it?

A: FLY. Like everywhere.

 

Q: If our pets could talk like us what do you think they’d say to you?

A: “More treats, bish”.

 

So here we go, here are my nomination for the Liebster 2018 Award

*drum roll please*

TERI AGAIN

Anna B

Nicculent

Cherishing Flo

Saving Joyfully

SheDesignedALifeSheLovedHTX

Johnzelle

JulieCares

So if your name is on this list you get to do all the fun things I did- and answer these questions. May the odds be ever in your favor.

1.If there was one lesson you could instill in another person, what would it be?

2. What is one quote you live by?

3.People say that first impressions are everything; what do you hope people take away after meeting you?

4. What is one thing that will undoubtedly turn a bad day around for you?

5. If you could have any animal in the world, like even a chinchilla, what would it be?

 

That’s all folks! We did it!

 

And now I need a nap.

liebster

I Blogged 31 Days Straight| Adultish

Well, Fam. We made it. 31 blogs all in May Blog A Day and I’m pretty impressed with myself for writing them, and all of your loving support! We hit some great milestones this month with Adultish, more featured blogs, reblogs, over 1,000 likes AND Adultish grew by 60 amazing people!

I am floored by the constant support and love you all pour in to my blog, and how some of you guys have even followed me along the way to my vacation and given Vegas Friend and I ideas of things to do.

Now I am not going to lie, this was a little hard to do at times. Having a blog post go up every single morning without fail while juggling work, being in Cancun, on vacation- I learned a LOT!

I was really able to truly work on Adultish for a month straight.

I was able to see how much Vegas Friend supports Adultish by his patience to go to the one restaurant with service to publish blogs and respond to comments.

I learned my blog would only be half as cool if it weren’t for Vegas Friend and all the pictures he took.

But mostly I learned a lot about you guys! Having everyday interactions with you all introduced me to some amazing people.

:Nicculent: Brutal Honesty. Lots of it. You guys should already know I am in love with this blog based on the name alone. I love her writing style and, well, homegirls honest AF! It’s so refreshing to read something you can relate to on such a personal, and humorous level.

Cherishing Flo– So I feel like if Adultish had a younger sister, it would be this blog. She’s real, funny, sweet, totally relatable. Yeah. Adultish’s younger sis for sure.

Damn Girl, or DYGYST. Okay, if you don’t know about Damn Girl, then DAMN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING. She’s basically blog witchcraft. She grew her blog so stinking quick, she’s hysterical, we have a somewhat similar shitty upbringing (I actually think she wins the race there) and her advise is spot on.

You guys know I am all about paying it forward to the bloggers that have inspired and supported me. But I also want to remain that platform for funny, uplifting, motivating and relatable blogs- and I think you will find that in these blogs as well.

Happy blog binging!

I can’t even

I can’t shake this feeling that maybe there is more to do in life. I am not sure if it’s because I am coming fresh off of a vacation from Cancun. Maybe I am still feeling relaxed and revived from turning 24 years old- or maybe the pilot on my trip back to San Diego is releasing drugs through the air vents and making me feel all sorts of ways- regardless, here we are.

I watched a video from the one and only Kalyn Nicholson – Episode 1 of her new series Coffee Chronicles and it gave me all the feels. She explains how she feels like it’s easy to get caught going through the motions of life. You work and work, go go go and what do you have to show for it? Sure you can have money, nice things, but what happens when that isn’t enough? This video resonated with me so much as I prepare to go back into what I left at work for a week. Back to bills, make up and wearing pants.

I have learned in my 24 short years, only recently might I add, that we are created for so much more. I am not speaking religiously, or even trying to be mushy gushy- just realistic here. Why do we work so hard? Why do we want our children to receive a good education? Quality of life. And what is life if all we do is go go go?

Vegas Friend has really opened my eyes to the world outside of work, anxious thoughts and what really matters. I think it is really important to work hard, save your vacation time, travel, learn, explore- do all of the things.

I think it all just goes to say that your mindset is really what counts. You should always be grateful for what you have, and never envious for what you do have. If you really want something, work hard for it and you can achieve it. But do not get sucked into what society wants you to do. If we only focus on today, and our problems and issues we will drive ourselves into the ground.

5 Things My Friends Taught Me

Every so often you come across certain people in life who become instrumental in shaping your mindset. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for late night conversations and tears on my friends porches/ couches/ coffee shops. This life is a little rough at times and I’ve found sometimes you just need someone to tell you straight.

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. When I was on my way to Cancun and explaining mine and Vegas Friends relationship to an old friend she told me “go have fun and enjoy Cancun…. and don’t ever feel like you have to explain yourself to someone”. And holy crap that was so powerful! We don’t have to justify how we feel or why we feel like that. Happiness is what matters, and if you’re happy- you’re golden.

Invest your time wisely in those you surround yourself with. This comes from another really good friend. It’s kind of like that saying “you are what you eat”- you become who you spend the most amount of time with. Make sure you are consciously deciding who to share your time with because those people end up sharing their beliefs and behaviors with you as well.

Your “wants” in life are just as important as anyone else’s. As humans in general I think we tend to put ourselves last. While I am the first person to give the shirt off my back, I have learned the difference between merely helping someone out, and downright inconveniencing yourself to help someone. While I believe in kindness and compassion- I also believe we must treat ourselves kindly as well, or else we will be so burned out and grouchy no one will win.

Failing to plan, is planning to fail. One of my good friends explained that you wouldn’t have a baby and not buy a crib, or research hospitals right? Of course not! That would be insane and you would be so overwhelmed and unprepared with that new screaming child; failure would be automatic. When big life changes happen, or even small ones that cause you to reevaluate your time you have to plan accordingly if you want to be successful.

Sometimes you are your biggest obstacle. This was huge for me. I was in Texas visiting family and Vegas Friend told me straight about my anxiety of driving. Basically I was self sabotaging, letting my anxiety and fear control a huge part of my life and hindering me from getting my license. It was one of the roughest conversations to have, but I am so grateful he talked some sense into me.

I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for some of my closest friends and their words of smart ass wisdom. Just make sure when people are giving you advise or life stories that you LISTEN to them, instead of letting it go in one ear and out the other- you know, like we do with parents.

Chichen Itza, Human Sacrifices, And I Almost Died

Vegas Friend and I took a small private tour to Chichen Itza (which we called chicken pizza). We met up with two couples, one from Dallas, and one from just outside London. Dallas Friends, Steve Jobs (not the actual Steve Jobs, duhhh) and Hannah Montana who had been to Mexico 4 times before! Our London Friends, let’s call them Adele and Vanilla Ice, were an absolute hoot. Younger than me but finally stable enough for the airfare and all inclusive resorts- they were gems.

We had quite the early start, waking up at 5:15, taking a taxi to the ferry, ferry to the first private car, then to the second private car to pick up our London Friends. We were met on the second ride by our Dallas Friends- celebrating their 6 year wedding anniversary and the nicest people of life

I am not a person to socialize just because well…. I’m the most anxious person of life but Vegas Friend made small talk quite soon- so I had no choice. My rational mind knew that this was smart since we would be spending 12 hours with these humans. We ended up talking A LOT. About schools we went to, our jobs, families, marriage, divorce, kids- everything! By time our almost 3 hour ride to Chicken Pizza was over we were all pretty comfortable with each other.

Adele, and I basically died on the trip. It was so incredibly hot, and humid, and someone was making these jaguar calls and freaking us out. It got to a point where we were questioning if we would make it out alive.

Speaking of alive, our tour guide took us right by a Cenote… conveniently located by an altar. He proceeded to tell us that right down that Cenote were hundreds of bodies from a long time ago. Human Sacrifices to the Mayan Gods. Adele and I were shook.

Fast forward to when we got to swim in one of the Cenotes (not the dead body one). Hannah Montana and I were FREEZING to death in a cave that could collapse and had a depth of 150 feet! We treaded water for as long as possible then got a little freaked thinking about how we wouldn’t be able to touch the bottom if we needed a break so went on over to the ropes for a bit of a reprieve.

This trip was so incredibly fun. Poor Adele was incredibly sunburned and Hannah Montana and I were exhausted. We laughed about cultural differences, the colloquialism differences and how Americans only ever talk about food.

If I were to recommend anything it would be to bring snacks, a water bottle to spray your body to cool down, an umbrella to shade the sun- and always speak to your tour buddies. So much fun!