Nitty Gritty

I know I posted an “all about me” blog- but there’s definitely more to me than just jack and coke and me being cold (okay, there’s not much more, but you get the picture).

When I was young (like 4 maybe) Sperm Donor found EDF in a grocery store parking lot. Slapped her unconscious and took me for the next few years. I think I was actually on a milk carton?

My sister had a hamster and when it died it was buried in a tampon box. I can’t make this stuff up.

The car EDF had was an old red mustang rusted all over with multiple dents from wrecks. It actually did have zipties for door handles, and no air conditioning.

Growing up my grandma was my angel. Plus she always had goldfish.

I had a bunny when I lived with Sperm Donor. Bunny lived in a cage outside. One day a stray dog killed Bunny. Sperm Donor took the dog “home”. Come to find out he shot and killed the dog.

I ran away from the Catholic school I was enrolled in. My teacher was the first male teacher I ever had after going back with EDF. His name was Mr. German. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and I just ran away.

When I was 15 I started to cut myself- and only an extreme few know about this. So- surprise.

I stopped cutting when I was 18-ish.

My credit is 19 kinds of fucked because EDF used it to apply to new electric/ utility companies to keep the lights on- and not pay. Oh, and from that one credit card I had when I was 18.

It’s quite possible I have a lizard or something living in my little apartment.

Sometimes I think the only way I survive the day is with the help coffee and music.

When I was in high school I was voted “most likely to start a protest”. Still not sure if that was a compliment or not.

There are a handful of people I have in my life that know more than anyone ever should know about a person.

I used to play guitar.

Using a period app is probably the single smartest thing I’ve done in my life. Get Clue- you’re welcome.

I don’t think there’s a single thing music can’t fix.

I have horrific reoccurring nightmares that I am in the holocaust. Horrifying.

All through out high school I ate nacho cheese and hot Cheetos for lunch. #HealthEatingGoals

I pay the same amount of rent for my tiny place as EDF payed for the 3 bedroom house she rented in Texas.

But I love my life here- and my job- and my “family”- and it makes everything worth it.

New Beginnings | Adultish

 

As most of you know I work at a University. Well every class has a ceremony of sorts to “prepare and guide” them for what is to come in their curriculum. This is an event that I get to organize and put together.

One of the things I love about this event is the excitement from the students. They dress up, their families come, tons of pictures and hype. The energy is awesome! And there are snacks- and let’s face it, maybe THAT is my favorite part. It makes reordering a stage and chairs, countless trips to the store, and 5 hours to set up seem worth it.

But it did get me thinking about how magical and uplifting new beginnings are. Take my divorce as an example. Sure, it sucked in the beginning, and sometimes it still does suck- but I have learned SO MUCH in that time. Everyday seems like a new beginning and a new adventure. Everyday seems like endless opportunities- because that’s how I choose to see it.

I think its so important to analyze where you are in your life, and take inventory of your happiness. There are always things to work on, or to strive towards. There are always new things on the horizon.

It’s taken me a long time to learn this. I used to think “woe is me and my life sucks… blah blah blah” and sometimes I still do because I am not a saint- but those times are few and far between. One of the most interesting things that I have done lately is purchased the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (well actually Vegas Friend bought it because he was already on Amazon when we talked about it). And guess what?? This book is actually pretty good!

Get this ” Everybody wants to feel good… Everybody wants that. It’s easy to want that. A more important question that people never consider is “what pain do you want in your life?” Mark Manson, the author, goes on to say that basically we all “want to be happy” but happiness doesn’t fall from the sky, and we aren’t willing to learn, or be uncomfortable in situations long enough for us to truly LEARN anything from them.

There are a lot of things that make me happy. BK, Vegas Friend, puppy cuddles- all of these things make me happy because I have learned to appreciate them. I appreciate Vegas Friend for all he his, and all the things that are different about him- I have grown to appreciate him because I know what it’s like to have someone who is not as sincere, or kind as him. I have learned to relish times of puppy cuddles since I left my dog in the divorce- now every cuddle seems that much more amazing.

Just like I know the students at that event were happy/ anxious/ and probably terrified at the same time- they will go on and learn amazing things. They will struggle with their new “normal” but they will learn so many life lessons. Just like we all do, everyday…

And my only piece of advice here is this… “It’s hell in the hallway”, and ice cream and chips always helps when you’re stuck in the hallway.

 

Happy Magnifying Divorce Day

I know, I know, so dramatic… But wowza watching the flowers pour in at work even the day before Valentine’s day got me all emotional… and pissed. And for reasons that I can’t even say I understand- yet here we are, emotional and pissed. Now the weirdest part of this is that it’s not like my husband really did a lot for me when it came to Valentine’s day, or even my birthday for that matter. So I shouldn’t be upset at all, it should really just be another day, another year of not getting something. BUT it just seems like everything is magnified and emotions are high and I just want to walk around with two middle fingers up all day. Too bad that’s not even in the realm of “Professional Behavior”.

 

Then people who I do tell about how I feel just say that Valentine’s Day just say that it’s “a made up holiday anyway, just don’t think about it”. But it’s not Valentine’s Day I hate, it’s just the reminder that at some point I was in love, and said vows promising to love someone till death do us part- or really until my husband just decided he wanted a divorce and BOOM, marriage over. OY!

 

But I will just swim in all the Celine Dion songs ever made, eat my own chocolate and wear pink anyway.

 

Oh, but F-U Valentines Day. J

If I’m Being Honest |Adulting is Hard

Then I would say a lot of things that would make you think differently.

Because honestly I have no clue what I am doing in my life. And honestly I almost quit 7 times today. And I want to find some sort of happiness in the day and wine seems like it would do that. I want to go to sleep and have a dance party at the same time. I want to buy all of the things that I have seen lately because society tells me that it brings joy.

But honestly I am just writing a blog, doing laundry and watching my phone blow up about things I don’t care to read. Honestly I won’t drink a sip of wine because I know it doesn’t solve shit. Honestly I am blasting some weird song that has an appreciative amount of bass while contemplating eating nutella for dinner.

And honestly I have succulents and cereal in my trunk, a sock on my table and not a care in the world.

If I am being honest then I have grown so so much. I asked Mom/ Ass Kicker if I could dye my hair black and get my nose pierced. She said no… But I think I would. And maybe get a tattoo. Buy tarot cards, more crystals and a magic 8 ball because it brings me joy.

The journey of finding yourself is really weird when you start to change all over again. Everyday I want to be at the beach and blast music, everyday I want to paint or run 52 miles. I just W A N T so much- and not a person or any particular thing- but experience.

I want to go travel some more this year. I have no upcoming trips planned and I think I need to change that.

Today at work I got so frustrated with a huge project (magically due today) that one of the Program Directors made me tea (she’s British and tea fixes everything). She said if this is you frustrated I would have never known- you’re still calm, quiet and chipper. And it kind of brought me back to reality. No matter what I “feel” has changed about me, it doesn’t change the ME inside. I am still kind, caring and strangely obsessed with English Breakfast tea.

And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Shit Vegas Friend Does

Soooo. I basically have the best friends ever. First there’s Mom/Ass Kicker letting me use her house as an Amazon package post office and supplying me with animal crackers and macaroni. Then there’s B who has bought me so much stuff for my “apartment”, down to deodorant and conditioner. And then we have Vegas Friend. Who comes to help me all the time with literally everything. 

He offered me his truck to help move my stuff. 

He supplies me with pepper spray. 

Buys my favorite pop tarts and always ensures there’s coffee creamer at his house for me. Ps- he doesn’t drink coffee. 

I mention a good wine once and he tries to buy 6 of them- he doesn’t drink alcohol either. 

He’s always there for late night “what am I doing with my life” phone calls. 

He listens to work drama. 

He reads all my blogs and always checks to see how the Vegas Friend ones preform. He likes to think Adultish is growing because of him. Lol. Which is notably true according to my stats. 

And then he does some crazy shit like spend his last few hours before having to go to bed to work 12 hours straight to put my bed frame up. 

Oh wait- forgot something. 

 He let’s me crash at his house and vomit when I leave work from a migraine. 

Vegas Friend | Tell All… (TMI)

 

We’ve known each other for years. We went on a “date” (really unsure if it should be called a date, complicated) the night I signed my divorce papers. Now- this was *not* a date. I am not like a total crazy person here who decided 4 minutes after getting a divorce that “I wanted to start dating”. We simply went to dinner.

We spent a lot of time together at first. We would get off work at about the same time, usually make some sort of dinner plans, and sometimes I would stay the night. Now this was also before the time that I drove, so Vegas Friend would pick me up and drop me off all the time.

Dinner, movies, get a massage, go to Vegas, stay in and watch Tosh.0- even weird mundane shit like grocery shopping- I didn’t drive and we both needed to go.

I needed to buy a car so I saved what I thought would be enough for a down payment. Vegas friend and I woke up one morning and he said “wanna go car shopping today?”. And no, I did not. At all. I thought I was going to DIE from anxiety. I wouldn’t even test drive any of the vehicles because I was too scared. I ended up finding my car, and when the dealership wanted X amount of money more for a down payment, Vegas Friend, without hesitation, offered it to me. And I really didn’t want to take it, and it felt weird- but I was also so close to owning that car that I accepted. And of course, I paid him back.

( Side note, I did end up calling Mom/Ass Kicker at the dealership where she was like BUY THE DAMN CAR- in a nice way of course>)

Now I still didn’t have my license and Vegas Friend and I would practice in my car all the time… But I couldn’t bring myself to take the driver’s test. Then one-day Vegas Friend called me on my shit when I was in Texas. Basically, said I didn’t drive because I was too scared to drive, and I was just holding myself back. And he was stupidly correct. So, I made an appointment, took the test and PASSED! Still probably one of the greatest feelings I have had in my life.

Vegas Friend and I have been to Vegas twice, Palm Springs, we do fun random stuff all the time. He helped me move into where I am living now

Now I know what you’re thinking- wow, this “friend” is awfully nice. And yep, he is. But I think it’s obvious by our Vegas trips and sleep overs that we are a smidge more than friends. It’s complicated though- I won’t marry Vegas Friend. He won’t marry me. We won’t ever say I love you, or live together- and we are both 100% okay with that. We have a very low maintenance kind of “relationship” that works for both of us right now- and when it doesn’t work, then we will talk about it.

But this is what I will say… even though I am super hesitant to say these things on a blog…

The things I have learned from Vegas Friend are amazing. (So please Mom/Ass Kicker/ any one else who doesn’t want to know TURN AWAY)

I love traveling.

I love stuffed jalapenos.

There’s no way to see a movie unless it’s with reclining seats.

Sex is supposed to be good for BOTH people.

Star Wars doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would.

Relationships should be built on respect.

Back rubs solve almost everything.

People who respect you will never physically hurt you- in any capacity.

Beignets are a special type of delicious.

Day drinking is acceptable when you are on vacation.

Life is too short to eat crappy food.

What makes sex good is being comfortable and honest with each other.

 

Shit Vegas Friend does that makes me smile-

Ties my hair in a ponytail when I make cookies so it’s not in my face.

Cleans my car window when he fills my car up (because I don’t like to pump).

Makes sure the heater is on when I come over.

Teaches me to put air in my tires.

Spends money on a henna tattoo for me, knowing it will wash off.

Pretty sure he almost called 911 one day when I was writhing in pain from cramps at his house.

 

Like I said, it’s REALLY complicated. And I am leaving a few key pieces out here as to why it is so complicated.

But it works, and if for nothing else to teach us both some more lessons in life with a smile- and a lunch buddy.

My New Place Ft. Vegas Friend

You know how some people say that if you put something out into the universe that it is more likely to happen? Well I guess it’s true! After the divorce bomb dropped I just needed a place to stay and ASAP. Affordable and safe were my only two criteria. Then as time went along and I started to grow more into who I am now I began to really crave my own space. If I could swing it financially (I live in SoCal…. Real estate here is insane) I would have my own two bedroom apartment… However I am not rich so that was not an option. But I did know I wanted a place to call home, something that was private, judgement free and gave me the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted.

So, 27 days into the new year that’s exactly what I found! Now the humorous thing here is that in December I had a magic 8 ball at Mom/Ass Kickers house and it said I was going to be moving. Thinking I should buy a magic 8 ball for all of life’s questions now.

A friend of mine told me about this place that she knew was for rent. I went to see it and right after called Mom/Ass Kicker, practically screaming “IT’S PERFECT!!!”. Later that same night I stayed at Vegas Friends house and explained all of this to him (ps, if you haven’t figured it out, Vegas Friend is a “him”). I think he met me with normal apprehension, making sure I thoroughly thought all of this through and wasn’t making a rash decision- he’s good at that.

img_6197

So then I was left to tell my roommate, which you can read about here. And buy a bed, a spatula, and eighty-five other things I didn’t know I needed until I realized you basically can’t function without them.

All of Saturday I spent going back and forth between old house and new house, loading my car up and trekking my belongings up the steepest stairs known to man. Sunday I made eleventy-million (yes, it’s a number) trips to everywhere to buy last minute items and unpacked the last of my things in anticipation for the work week.

img_6207

My car has stuff all over it- I have never had a dirty car. I have milk, sandwich makings, and coffee creamer in my fridge. But hey- my entire “house” is decorated! Excluding the kitchen cause it’s ugly and I am not set on what I will do with it yet.

Vegas Friend came over Sunday night before we went to dinner to check out my new Home Sweet Home. He did a somewhat safety inspection, told me to get a new lock for my door and generally approved- then laughed at the kitchen.

img_6195

This feeling is amazing though. Having my own space. Being responsible for only me, never having to talk to anyone else. It’s magical!