This Is Where I’m At| One Year Ago Today

Last year on June 22nd was the day the divorce bomb dropped. You can read all about that here. I didn’t think this day would be hard or bring up any emotions because I really thought I was over the divorce hump.

But I guess not. Because I’ve been pretty angry lately and not known why- but it’s all starting to make sense now. I am so angry because of the way things went down. I am somewhat a control freak, and one year ago my entire life was shattered. Everything I was working towards, everything I thought to be true wasn’t. I was left totally shell shocked and with a trillion things to figure out. Obviously I did figure everything out though.

Which brings me to my next angry point. I am so mad at me. How could I have not been prepared for something like this? How was it possible to be so dependent on someone else that my world came to a screeching halt at their command.

It’s a really tricky place to be in though. To be so angry at one situation but so happy that it didn’t work out at the same time. Last year, at this time, I had no idea what was about to happen. I didn’t know my ex husband wanted a divorce, I didn’t know he had spoken to a lawyer, I thought things were totally fine. So today, one year later, I am left with this PTSD feeling; when is something horrible and earth shattering going to happen? And i’m honestly scared. If something so intense can happen, what’s stopping another super intense thing from happening too?

I talked to Mom/Ass Kicker and told her how I was feeling. And she replied with the two simplest, best sentences ever. “Nothing is going to happen… I promise. You are protected in so many ways” which is so true! In my marriage I worked towards one general goal- marriage, kids, buy a house, train the dog. So it makes sense my world crashed down when that was over.

But ever since that day things have been different. My goals have been different. Here’s how things have been the past year.

June- bomb dropped

July- promoted in my job

August- bought my first car/ started adultish/ went to texas/ went to vegas

September- got my license

November- second Vegas trip

December- First Christmas alone, not fun. Vegas Friend saved the day there.

January- Moved to a new place more like my own apartment

February- Worked on furnishing my apartment. Stopped taking depression and anxiety medicine.

March-  Started to get serious about finances/ credit scores/ and refinancing

April- Started implementing some life long goals and tasks into my everyday life- makes a huge difference. Got my passport.

May- refinanced my car. went to Cancun for my birthday. Did May Blog A Day and Blogged for 31 days straight. Found out my divorce was final. Started taking classes again.

And that brings us to back to day. Where I have a 10 page paper due in 3 days and had to be bribed with string cheese to complete half of it before bed last night. House sitting for Vegas Friend, making my own money, doing what I want when I want.

The ebbs and flows of divorce are just strange. I didn’t expect to feel like anything at all. But when something so intense happens, I guess it is only normal to have such a strong reaction.

This is not to say that I don’t want to egg his house or anything… but eggs are expensive and I would rather take that $5 of salmonella and buy ice cream with it instead.

All of this to say- if you’re going through something so incredibly rough, it gets better. Little by little you will get there, and you will grow and learn so much along the way. You just have to keep pushing.

 

 

 

 

 

An Actual WTF Blog| Going Insane

I think I am  l o s i n g    m y     m i n d

Let me explain. I drove to breakfast so I could enjoy some heavenly pancakes. I drove to a place I have driven eight trillion times before. I went the wrong way. Like, forgot I needed to turn and missed the entire route. Then blew straight through a stop sign. Then missed the TWO entrances to the restaurant.

I even tripped over a sock. Yes, I did just say a sock.

Weird people from my past are emailing and texting me.

People in real life are being all freaky weird.

And I am legit the real life version of Kermit the frog just minding my own business, drinking tea and chilling. It’s much better that way.

All I want in the entire world, other than a dog, pop socket, new luggage and the Samsonite backpack I saw yesterday, is to drink coffee and read a book. Maybe when I turned 24 some magical old lady dust was sprinkled on me. In my spare time I swing on the porch swing yelling “get outta my yard you hoodlum!” Just kidding. It’s a lawn chair. In my bedroom. And I yell at the squirrels.

I went out to eat last night with Vegas Friend and BK. The hostess looked over and said ” two kids and an adult?” And I almost threw my animal crackers at her right then! How rude. I feel like I’m not a second over 102 years old and I look like I need a kids menu?

I proctored an exam at work. I have to say a big long spiel every time about not cheating, how I can and can not help, what the rules are. But I usually tell them the slang version. Something along the lines of “I can’t answer any questions about the test, which is good for you because it looks like spanish to me… You can not cheat. Or think about cheating. Or think about thinking about cheating… if you do cheat I have to do so much work, and you get in trouble and I didn’t wake up at 4 this morning for you to cheat. You can’t have your phones out, or laptops, tablets, or any item that brings you joy. You must remove anything fun” And then once the exams are out I usually say “You guys can start… may the odds be ever in your favor”. Why you ask do I do this? No idea. Probably because I know they are miserable and if I had to retort the original lame speech I would be miserable too. And because well, that’s who I am! I know they appreciate someone who is normal and human. Many times the graduating class has baked me cookies, gotten all the students to sign a thank you card and some one even brought me a coffee mug… they were the real MVP.

All of this to say that I might be going crazy, and blowing through stop signs and saving tailless lizards, but I think that’s the weird concoction that makes “me” ME!

Or, I really am crazy and just making up excuses for myself??

We will never know.

 

 

 

The Liebster Award and Other Random Tidbits

The one and only Severus Snape nominated me for the Liebster 2018 Award. Which is AH-May-ZING. It’s also like a whole little assignment in and of itself, seven components, write a paper, find the blood of a virgin- I mean this is SERIOUS stuff here. All jokes aside I am really grateful to be nominated and to have the chance to shout out some other bloggers as well!

 

The rules and regulations:

 

  • Religiously thank the person who nominated you. (when you thank them remember they had to spend hours writing this same blog as well. You the real MVP.)
  • Blast photos of the award on your blog. Work it.
  • Write a tear filled segment of why you love blogging and explain how it’s the coolest thing since sliced bread.
  • Provide ten random facts about yourself (This is what I am most worried about. I am a WEIRDO)
  • Answer the questions your fellow nominator has given you.
  • Create more questions for your nominees to answer
  • Nominate enough people to create a Brady Bunch family.
  • Comment on the blog post from the Global Aussie with a link DIRECTLY to your Liebster Award nomination. Gotta show proof my friends.

 

I actually talk about how legit blogging is ALL THE TIME. It’s this beautiful outlet you can use to not only help yourself and mentally work through some complicated things in your mind, but also to reach so many people! I’ve found so many people through my blog, had some of the strangest conversations and laughed thanks to other bloggers. It’s a “hobby” that can turn into so much more.

 

When I started Adultish I had actually started 4 other blogs previously. Even paid an unforeseen amount of money towards one… I don’t even remember what those blogs were called and after two weeks I forgot the log in. My debit card did get billed for like six months after though. #MyBad.

 

Wait. Was that number one of the “ten random things”??

 

NUMBER TWO-  I can wear whatever I want to work but I basically wear a uniform. I bought navy, white, black and tan skinny jeans from Hollister. I wear those with my  amazon flats (that I have in 5 different colors). And BOOM! Easiest outfits ever.

3 .I almost bought a fish this weekend. ALMOST. Turns out Petco was closed and the thought of buying fish tank accessories that may or may not have matched the fish (yes, I just said “match a fish”) really freaked me out.

4. I am a TOTAL control freak. Like imagine the most type a person imaginable, multiply it by ninety-seven and that’s me. But I know how I am and so I try really hard to make sure I am nice and sweet to make up for how crazy I am.

5. I LOVE to organize. Take me to the dollar tree and sit me in front of a hoarders house and I would love you forever.

6. I am currently reading The Power of Now, as recommended to me by the fabulous Kayln Nicholson, and Oh-Em-Geeee it’s so good. Every page deeper into the book I get the more I am mind blown.

7. If I eat anything that has dairy or gluten I bloat so intensely I could pass as 4 months pregnant. Does that stop me from eating those things? Absolutely not. *shoves another handful of Rolos into mouth*

8. I have a headache what seems like e v e r y s I n g l e d a y. I’m sure I will die from it one day.

9.I will never turn down Paneras Tomato Basil Soup.

10. I don’t think I will ever be the kind of person who will have an organized sock drawer. It’s just not in the cards for me.

There. 10 random things about me. I am surrounded my Rolo wrappers already. Send help.

Severus Snape had some questions:

Q: If time travel were an option, what would you have done with it?

A: Shot Hitler.

 

Q: If the Internet was a person, what would it have said for mankind?

A: Hmm. Probably something along the lines of “huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening, I was on Pinterest”

 

Q:If characters from novels were real, which of them would you like to be friends with?

A: One fish and two fish. Maybe the red fish and blue fish.

 

Q: If you had a superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it?

A: FLY. Like everywhere.

 

Q: If our pets could talk like us what do you think they’d say to you?

A: “More treats, bish”.

 

So here we go, here are my nomination for the Liebster 2018 Award

*drum roll please*

TERI AGAIN

Anna B

Nicculent

Cherishing Flo

Saving Joyfully

SheDesignedALifeSheLovedHTX

Johnzelle

JulieCares

So if your name is on this list you get to do all the fun things I did- and answer these questions. May the odds be ever in your favor.

1.If there was one lesson you could instill in another person, what would it be?

2. What is one quote you live by?

3.People say that first impressions are everything; what do you hope people take away after meeting you?

4. What is one thing that will undoubtedly turn a bad day around for you?

5. If you could have any animal in the world, like even a chinchilla, what would it be?

 

That’s all folks! We did it!

 

And now I need a nap.

liebster

Coffee Catch Up, Blog 2 | Adultish

If you haven’t read the last coffee catch up, you might want to or you’ll be a smidge confused with this blog. We have a lot of important and “OH MY GOD COOL!!!!” things to talk about. Shall we?

First things first, we need to talk about how this meme is 112% me.

 

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Second, Vegas Friend came home early from his stinky, smelly, camping trip. (And yes, that is Vegas Friends arm in my featured photo… that’s all you get Adultish Fam!) Hallelujah-praise-the-lord because he was D O N E. This meant my time with Tweety came to a halt and I had to go back to my house and resume life as we know it, sans hot tub. First world problems.

Work was a little more cray cray than usual, but we adulted and got stuff done. So come Thursday night I was SO FREAKING READY FOR THE WEEKEND. Since work was extra crazy with some extra hours my boss said I could leave early on Friday. I told Vegas Friend I was going to leave work early and we started talking about the weekend. One casual “we should just go to Vegas” turned into Vegas Friend getting a hotel room and…. are you even ready for this part?

TICKETS TO SEE CELINE DION.

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The excitement was so real Ass Kicker Mom had to tell me to stop freaking out or I would pass out. Accurate. Thanks again mom thing.

This meant that all my weekend GYSTing and homework HAD to be done by time we left for Vegas. Thursday night was a LATE night. But that feeling of satisfaction knowing everything was done was worth it. I went to work in a state of pure excitement and I come 11am I left and we were straight on our way to Vegas and the beautiful Celine.. drool.

I didn’t get too many pictures of the performance, because honestly I was mesmerized the entire time. But I did get the most gorgeous hoodie that says “CELINE DION VEGAS” in glitter. What’s not to love. We went to see the movie Deadpool, and omg, Ryan Reynolds is too much for me.

Later Saturday Vegas Friend went  to play slots and I went to our room to complete a nasty 93 question test for the class I’m in. Safe to say by time I finished I was ready for a drink! I got my trust Jack and Coke, which tasted just like hopes and dreams and we pressed that “repeat bet” button all night. At some point we walked down the strip and I got one of those huge 3 feet tall drinks. About two sips in I had a huge headache and ended up going back to the room and sleeping for about 5 hours while Vegas Friend played multiple rounds of solitaire.

Sunday we went to Raising Canes and had the most delicious chicken ever. Then the mandatory stop to Grand Luxe for beignets. We left Vegas to endure traffic at about 4pm and I got home about 9ish I think.

Then it was a question of going straight to bed or getting my life together. And I chose to get my life together. I worked on Adultish, unpacked from the trip, cleaned up a little, showered and did some homework. Crawled in bed at about midnight and 5am came way too soon.

But I am learning something awesome, that it’s totally possible to do EVERYTHING you want- you just have to be really smart about it. Most nights I get home about 8 or 9pm. I almost always want to just go to bed. But instead I make the conscious decision to be proactive instead of leave things for “tomorrow” (cause I never do it “tomorrow”). So the other night when I got home after work and 5 hours of sleep I put away the laundry I did, worked on the blog, did homework, cleaned out my fridge, filled out my planner, and did all the things. I am so much more productive at this point of my life than I have ever been in my life.

I also made this schedule in excel and I have found visually seeing my time is such a game changer. I use “flex” as free time, but this time is usually spent with Vegas Friend or staying at work later than usual.

I have been able to be more consistent with my goals this week of walking 10k steps and drinking water along with taking my vitamins.

Baby steps my friends… and this meme 🙂

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I Blogged 31 Days Straight| Adultish

Well, Fam. We made it. 31 blogs all in May Blog A Day and I’m pretty impressed with myself for writing them, and all of your loving support! We hit some great milestones this month with Adultish, more featured blogs, reblogs, over 1,000 likes AND Adultish grew by 60 amazing people!

I am floored by the constant support and love you all pour in to my blog, and how some of you guys have even followed me along the way to my vacation and given Vegas Friend and I ideas of things to do.

Now I am not going to lie, this was a little hard to do at times. Having a blog post go up every single morning without fail while juggling work, being in Cancun, on vacation- I learned a LOT!

I was really able to truly work on Adultish for a month straight.

I was able to see how much Vegas Friend supports Adultish by his patience to go to the one restaurant with service to publish blogs and respond to comments.

I learned my blog would only be half as cool if it weren’t for Vegas Friend and all the pictures he took.

But mostly I learned a lot about you guys! Having everyday interactions with you all introduced me to some amazing people.

:Nicculent: Brutal Honesty. Lots of it. You guys should already know I am in love with this blog based on the name alone. I love her writing style and, well, homegirls honest AF! It’s so refreshing to read something you can relate to on such a personal, and humorous level.

Cherishing Flo– So I feel like if Adultish had a younger sister, it would be this blog. She’s real, funny, sweet, totally relatable. Yeah. Adultish’s younger sis for sure.

Damn Girl, or DYGYST. Okay, if you don’t know about Damn Girl, then DAMN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING. She’s basically blog witchcraft. She grew her blog so stinking quick, she’s hysterical, we have a somewhat similar shitty upbringing (I actually think she wins the race there) and her advise is spot on.

You guys know I am all about paying it forward to the bloggers that have inspired and supported me. But I also want to remain that platform for funny, uplifting, motivating and relatable blogs- and I think you will find that in these blogs as well.

Happy blog binging!

Coffee Catch-Up; Blog 1| Adultish

Welcome to a brand new segment of Adultish, what I am calling Coffee Catch-Up. If you didn’t already know, I have a mild addiction to coffee and I am not ashamed to say there are 5 unopened bottles of creamer in my fridge on standby. Okay “mild addiction” might be an understatement.

The idea of this new segment is to provide you all with a deeper view into my life, and how I am trying not to burn down my house and struggling to implement all 5 food groups into my daily life. It’s not going well so far.

This week is a little different than most. Vegas Friend is camping. Not like my kind of camping which includes hotels and showers, no. He’s going hard core and having to hike up a mountain just to send me a text about how bad he smells. Awe, so sweet.  I am house sitting for him, and bird sitting for his sister. Tweet Tweet.

It’s Memorial Day weekend, and the only sustenance that holds is that I get to enjoy a 3 day weekend. I did tell Ass Kicker Mom that I was a little bummed since Vegas Friend is out of town, and I’m slightly family”less” here in California. But then I remembered I have pretty intense social anxiety and I only like about 6 people in real life. I would rather be in my pajamas hanging with Tweety and making the occasional emergency starbucks run anyway. White Girl gone wild.

I will tell you that Tweety and I have one thing in common, Celine Dion. I have physically injured myself belting out Celine Dion. Like the obsession is REAL. Tweety over here might be just as obsessed as I am, chirping loudly at all the right sappy spots of her songs. He also likes Lucy Neville’s “There’s Light” as well. It’s pretty flipping adorable.

A few months after the divorce I took a pretty substantial break from school, and I just started classes again this week. I am a little nervous on how to manage time, and if I am smart enough. But I just remind myself that there are people working on their PhD with kids, and I am just a worry wart and need to cool it.

I decided that I wanted to implement some daily goals (that so far I have failed terribly at). Things like drinking enough water, eating at every meal, taking vitamins, walking 10k steps a day and doing yoga everyday. So far I have taken my vitamins everyday at the same time I drink my coffee, and we all know I don’t skip coffee. As far as yoga, I’ve worn yoga pants everyday, does that count? I am just over a week back from vacation so maybe I will give myself a break.

I have, however, done something crazy amazing. I was thinking about how I could ensure I wouldn’t go out and randomly spend money. I decided to leave my debit and credit cards at home (I live 3 seconds from work and Vegas Friend lives 2 seconds from my work so in case of emergency I would be totally fine). I’ve had to run work eerands and where I would have seen a yummy lunch option and bought it I just stuck to what I originally brought for lunch because I COULDN’T buy it without a card. It’s actually been awesome and I haven’t spent any money at all! I do think I am going to take out some cash and keep it as mad money though because it was HARD come PMS time not to buy 756 pounds of chocolate. We made it through though. Barely. Vegas Friend was scared for his life at a time or two.

That about sums up this weeks insanity. Stay tuned to see what crazy things I do (or don’t do) next week. I gotta go dance with Tweety to Celine.

 

 

Death Of A Relationship| Breaking Up

I know, “death” might seem strong. But what else should we call this? The happiest time of your life? That would just be a lie and chances are if you’re reading this blog it’s because someone already lied to you, or broke your heart, and you’re going through a breakup.

It didn’t dawn on me until today that hot damn I am over my divorce.

Not that it was “easy” by any means. I still went through the phase of not eating. I layed in bed and cried, was angry, and sad, then confused. And then one day, I was over it.

First things first, you need to talk about it. Get it out of your mind, and your body. When you talk about it you will cry (I mean, not like you haven’t cried enough) and eventually all of that pressure goes away.

Get some chocolate- or chips- or something to eat that you can’t usually resist- because chances are you haven’t eaten in 5 days and no one can deny a guilty pleasure.

It’s okay to be angry. And it’s okay not to be angry. We all process things differently.

Get your mind off of it- not to an unhealthy level of course, but you still need to be a functioning member of society. Go to work. Find a new hobby. Take up running.

Consume your life with positivity. Just because this time in your life is an incredibly rough patch doesn’t mean you can’t try to find the silver lining in things. You want to overcome your break up, you don’t want it to overcome you.

Resist the incredible urge to TP the ex’s house. Maybe this belongs up with the anger phase but the burning desire to egg that house, or trash it is so intense. Resist. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.

Ignore that nasty saying that “they best way to get over someone is to get under someone”. Sex isn’t everything. You are more than welcome to do as you please, but you need to take care of yourself. If you are still grieving- wait until you’re done. It’s not like you want to be crying while you’re trying to “get under someone”. That’s just weird.

Talk to your friends about it- but only select friends. Don’t engage in conversations that are going to pull you down and make you question if what happened was right. You need uplifting people who can tell you “you got this, you’re going to be perfectly fine. So… go wipe the snot off your face and let’s go get something to eat because you look like the Thin Man”.

Count your blessings. Like any hardship we go through it is important never to lose sight of what really matters and of how lucky we are.

Make a plan with al your extra time and focus on YOU and your growth. Cuddle extra with your fur babies, start doing Yoga to heal you from the inside out, wake up to see the sunrise. Go attempt to paddle board to see if you like it, or if you’ll drown (disclaimer, I drowned).

And above all, know that it’ll be okay. Divorce, friend break up, romantic break up… you will live to see tomorrow and the sooner you get off the floor and stop sobbing the sooner you will see that to be true.