Every day you feel like you’re walking the line of sanity and total bat shit crazy. Maybe you didn’t sleep enough the night before or someone said one thing that you’re totally overanalyzing and will miss hours of sleep because of. Maybe it’s a Sunday night and the thought of what awaits at work has you up at 3 am writing a blog because I feel like my skin is going to crawl off of my skin. Maybe I have convinced myself that because my friend didn’t text me back that somehow in the last 30 minutes they have decided they hated me.
This is what depression/Anxiety is. A constant cycle of annoying thoughts. Like as if you’re hot and your mind says to take off your jacket and you just can’t. You won’t move to take it off even though you’re sweating and need to, you just can’t move. It seems too tiring and exhausting. You worry if you give into your thoughts, even about a jacket that you will give in to all of the other thoughts, like your friends hating you.
This is what depression/Anxiety is. Not being able to go to sleep because you fear tomorrow, even though tomorrow is enevitable and there’s nothing out of the ordinary going on. Maybe you will call out of work because you just can’t deal with thinking about it for one more second. At least if you don’t have to go your mind can stop.
This is what depression/anxiety is. When you get home and the door shuts and you’re all alone and you feel it. An instant “god please no” as it seeps back into your mind and your soul. For no reason either, you were just doing so good for days on end and now you feel like you’re dying. All you can do is lay on your bed.
This is what depression/anxiety is. You can’t stop even when you want to. You become so annoyed knowing you’re just sinking deeper into the rabbit hole and you can’t stop. You become frustrated with yourself and your inability to just be normal. You’re losing sleep, losing friends, sanity. You can’t do a damn thing about it. You can take medicine and go to the doctor. Antidepressants work when your body cooperates. But not everyday is a good day and some days feel like you won’t even make it.
This is what depression/anxiety is. Texting your friend in the middle of the night hoping they are awake so you can talk about anything, not even you. Turning the TV on to get your mind off of your endless thoughts, only to have them emerge through the show. Taking a shower, diffusing oils, laying in a pile of crystals. Am I normal yet?
This is what depression and anxiety feels like. A constant worry that once you release how you really feel people will freak out and only add confirmation that no, you are not normal.
Depression is a roller coaster. Extreme highs, almost like life is normal and things ar going to be okay. Usually followed by one period of time where you don’t know if you can even walk to the other room because your mind won’t stop about if you should or shouldn’t.
Depression and anxiety come at. the most inconvenient times and make everything flip upside down. Suddenly you are no longer motivated, or smart, and you suck at everything.
This is what reality is. You are smart, able, kind, willing, good enough, important and loved. It is only your depression and anxiety that is saying otherwise. Every day it is a conscious decision to overcome those thoughts, but you can do it.