It’s that time again! Every 3 years sperm donor is eligible for parole. Now 3 years ago when this rolled around for the first time I had to totally figure my life out. I get an email from “VINE” which is just some acronym for Victim Services, stating that Sperm Donor is eligible for parole and gives me directions.
“We acknowledge how difficult it may be to write about the effect of this crime. You may submit any letters, photographs, etc, that you think would help the Board of Pardons and Paroles understand how the offense has affected you.”
So last time this happened I really needed to figure out exactly how I felt about him, his sentencing, and the possibility of him being paroled. I came to a conclusion rather fast- he will get out today, or tomorrow, or ten weeks or ten years- and all I can do is be prepared for that. Life doesn’t always go your way, and I certainly wasn’t holding onto hope that they “would” or “wouldn’t” release him. Additionally, it all gave me this freaky feeling as if I was God- trying to vie for someones life.
So everything was good last time- I thought that I had said my peace, and I was happy with knowing my hands were clean. But then EDF stepped in. A letter was written explaining details of what happened and pleading that he served his entire sentence. But why? Why does it matter to someone who is not the victim? Why would you waste time if it doesn’t directly affect you? But that’s just it- sometimes there is no rational answer to tings that happen- instead you just deal with it.
So eventually I will sit down and write another letter to the Board. There will be 3 phone interviews and I will repeat everything for the thousandth time. Hatred can’t always win. Not everyone is bad forever. There is forgiveness.
Last letter I wrote to the board pending his parole I clearly stated that I, nor anyone on the outside of that prison, could be an accurate judge of character for him. We have not seen, heard, spoken of him. We do not know his feelings, his regrets, his goals or visions for his life. The ones who know him are the ones who see him everyday- interact with him on a consistent basis. This decision should not be made by people who haven’t known a man for over 15 years.
The closing statement of my last letter was as follows: “It is important to me that you, the parole board, understand that I am aware Sperm Donor will be getting out of prison, be it in 2027 or in 6 months, His release is inevitable, all I can do is be prepared”.
That will also be in my letter to them this time.