The past 5 months or so has been an extreme learning experience for me. I have taken on new responsibilities at work, moved out, started to plan a new life. In the midst of these things I have started to learn what it means to be “Adult…ish”. So these are the four F’s that I’ve found make you kind-of-sort-of-not-really-at-all an Adult. Ready? Go!
Okay so sidebar- there are a ton of other F things too, but we are keeping things pretty PG… Okay PG-13 🙂
F#1- Fall in love– now I’m really not sure if I should be the one talking on this subject- but you clicked on the blog so I guess that means I’m qualified! I would venture to say that most people fall in love in their twenties. You don’t have to be in love with a person- let’s set that one straight right now. You can be in love with nature, with silence, with where you are in life. Everyone at some point in their twenties learns what they love and that is when we find who we are… Yes, you can fall in love with a person too (and fall out of love-hiiiiii, me). And then you can fall in love with the attributes of a person, not the actual person. (So sorry Ass-Kicker/Mom) Take Vegas Friend- am I in love? No. Do I love certain things about Vegas Friend that I will make “requirements” for when I do date? Absolutely. As I know Vegas Friend has spotted certain things in me that will then be carried on. Love, even in the midst of a divorce, is the single most powerful thing in the world. It can make us exuberantly happy or heartbroken. Love can be the reason we pop out of bed in the morning or the reason we stay in bed all day. Love, where ever and however you find it, is healing. Another form of love is the platonic/friendship/family type of love. When I think of this love I think of AssKicker/Mom. She has been there for me with a lot this past year and has peeled me off of the floor and put me back together more than I can count. Similarly, I have told her to get her shit together and calm the fuck down when she needs it as well. That’s what we do. She loves me so deeply that when I screw up she corrects me in love and then gives me the evil eye not to do it again. You need these people, these items of love, in order to fully enjoy life. You need the positivity they bring and the lessons that come from them.
F#2- Find yourself– holy freaking crap this one is so huge. I hate when people say “oh, you still need to find yourself… blah blah blah”. Because every time I want to legit say “Look you idiot, I am right here!!!”. But what they really mean is basically summed up in the song Deeper Conversation by Yuna. Go listen to the song and you will totally understand. In essence “finding yourself” isn’t about your job, or your social status. Finding yourself is “all your hopes and fears, everything you believe in, would you make a difference in the world” and all of the probing intimate questions of life that make up who you truly are. Maybe it’s totally the psych major in me but I love peoples pet peeves and irrational fears, I love to know everything I possibly can about someone because it is a window directly to their soul. So go, find yourself. Search for what makes you scream, and cry, and dance in your room with skivvies on to your favorite band you’ve only recently discovered. And if you find yourself in a park, or while swimming in your Mom/Ass Kickers pool while her kids moon you, that is 100% okay. The best quote ever was “Be the most you that you can be”. Regardless of judgement or fear, social norms or anything else. Find what sets your soul on fire and run like hell with it.
F#3- Failure– blech. I really don’t like failure, not sure anyone does? However it’s one of those things that you will always run into and it’s just a fact of life. I have failed in my marriage, I’ve failed tests, failed friends and God knows I have failed my family. I have even failed goals that I have made for myself (new years resolutions… derrr). However much we have failed in life, there is always something to learn from each time. That’s kind of the trick though, once you fail you need to know why you failed so that you don’t do it again. If failure is an opportunity for growth, we must grow in order to not fail again. That’s where being Adultish comes into play. As adults we just don’t have the time to keep making the same mistakes over and over again expecting a different outcome (prreeeeety sure that’s the definition of insanity; not calling you crazy, just stating the truth).
F#4- Forget negativity– definitely easier said than done. This came to me quite literally after I thought my entire world was falling apart. (hi again Mom AssKicker…..). BASICALLY life got really real for me really quick (as it usually does?) and I was at the lowest point of my entire life. I didn’t know how I would handle work, or the divorce, my finances; my life seemed to be just crumbling before me and I did not have the energy to deal with any of these things. The insane amount of failure I was experiencing coupled with my already emotional and sensitive self was overload. With that failure stirring up all the negativity in my life I realized I had lost myself, and forgotten everything I once loved. So I fell back in love with nature, and essential oils, a positive mindset. I found love and compassion with Mom Asskicker and I found myself more than I ever have before by forgetting all the negativity. I thought about all of the positive in life, and let that be the center of my minds eye instead of swimming in the shit hole of negativity I created. It is amazing how your thoughts influence your mind so deeply. When all I was thinking was the negative in life, that’s all I was becoming, some bitchy miserable person who couldn’t see the good in life if it were to have slapped me. Now I do the opposite. I deliberately challenge myself to see the good in situations, and in people.
This whole adult thing is freaking HARD! I know I didn’t mention a lot of other F things (Free/Froyo/Frizbees… what were you thinking?). Just know that the goal is to be the best “you” that you can be.