I know that “name” might come off a little crass, but it really is one of the nicest things I can call him. Every year around the middle of November I become overly aware that his birthday is coming up. Sometimes his birthday falls right on Thanksgiving and that’s when my life seems like a walking contradiction. I’ve learned that I can’t be a grouch on this day- there’s no reason. Nevertheless- I still painfully remember this day and his existence for a few days before his actual birthday. Annoying.
The kind of person that I am, that I am growing into, knows that dwelling on this day only depletes my energy. There is no positive outcome to this, no gain for my thoughts and concerns. Logically, I would stop thinking about it. Heh- logically…. yeah right!
Here’s my thought process- I love birthdays. If it’s your birthday chances are I have bought or made you a card, had everyone sign it, bought you a cake and decorated your office door (seriously, just ask all of my coworkers). I love the idea that you CELEBRATE the day someone was born because you are grateful for them in your life and you wouldn’t want it any other way. So it becomes a challenge for me to know it is Sperm Donors birthday, yet I don’t know if I feel gratitude that he was born, or that he is still celebrating life. Here comes logic again: if he wasn’t born he wouldn’t have been alive to make me…. and I wouldn’t be even a thought… Meh- see… I feel no different.
I have been trying to focus on the positive in my life and let go of the negative. I think the only thing that I can do, logically of course, is to understand there are certain people who are happy he is alive. I am sure he is grateful to be alive, and I need to let that be my focus. There are things in life that we can’t change, or do anything about- and having your Sperm Donor have a birthday is one of those things. Our only option, in life and this situation, is to decide to be bigger than the issue at hand. Sure, will November 28th be a funky day for me? Yep. Do I have to let it change my emotions, outlook, and positivity? Most definitely not.
This really all goes to say that if I can be (okay, try to be) happy in the midst of a divorce, working full time, school full time, crazy life drama, alone for the holidays and dealing with Sperm Donors birthday- that there is nothing your mind can’t do if you just plant the seed of positivity. Like I said, I could decide to be a wicked snob about his birthday and have an angry heart, but that only does me injustice. Thinking negatively will lead to even more negative thoughts. The right thoughts will lead to even better actions and mindsets.
You can’t control what happens, but you can control how you choose to deal with it- always choose what is healthy for your soul.
(Side note: Adultish is hosting a 7 day Gratitude Group on Facebook. If you’d like to be involved let me know!)