His name is Steve. 

Kind of an interesting name really. Not short for Steven, and not a family name either. Steve and I met at a friends house. He was really attractive and just my type. Basically, I’m in love with everything Steve is.

I knew Steve’s life wasn’t really in the place that it should be. He wasn’t taken care of, and he had been neglected. I wanted to fix it all. I wanted to fix Steve and make him what we both knew he could be.

So Steve came home with me.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, yes. Things went really fast. But this is what we both needed!


What are you thinking?

Oh? That Steve’s a man? God no!

Steve’s my succulent. 😊

Like I said, Steve was mistreated in his previous home. At my ex’s house there were tons of succulents. They are my favorite because you really can’t kill them (unless you lived where Steve lived- oh the humanity!).

Seriously, if you kill a succulent you are some kind of skilled. Succulents need water and sunshine. And they are the MOST forgiving plants of life. Example- I once left succulents in the garage for 6 months with out soil, water or sunlight. They. Did. Not. Die.

So to think that Steve was half dead in a world where it’s impossible to be dead was actually hysterical to me. But I did what any good plant mom would do and dropped forty bucks on some soil and a new pot for Steve.

Steve was so incrusted in his old pot that he had outgrown; I had to take the prongy-nail-remover-side of a hammer and smack the crap out of the pot. I’m sure the 70+ year old neighbors we have thought for sure that little skinny new girl had lost her mind.

I spent a good 45 minutes surgically removing this behemoth of a plant from a $7 fake terra-cotta pot and released a swarm of ants and earwigs in the mean time. I can still feel them crawling on me. Barf.

It’s been a few weeks since Steve’s Reassignment Surgery. He is looking plump, happy and healthy. Giving all the other succulents in the neighborhood a run for their money. So proud.

In this labor of love- and extreme bug filled grossness- I realized that sometimes we have to unearth ourself in order to truly thrive. We will always be a work in progress, we will always need someone to replant us, and water our souls. But if we let things go too long eventually someone has to show up at your door with the prongy-nail-remover-side of life and smack the crap out of you until your free.

Don’t be the old Steve- be the new Steve.

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