I woke up at 5am. Let the puppy out and made my cup of coffee. I made his lunch for the day. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut diagonally with extra napkins, his favorite chips, some Oreo’s and a Dr.Pepper- that was his favorite. I moved on to his breakfast and made his usual. I put it in the microwave for when he was ready and went to go take a shower. I made the bed, started a load of laundry and got ready for work. He ate his breakfast and we talked about our weekend plans. I kissed him goodbye.
I called him on my lunch break like I usually did. Our midday catch up. He was short on the phone which agitated me. I said “I have to get back to work, I love you” he said “yeah”.
I got home around 5:30ish. I made dinner and cleaned up, put the laundry away, fed the puppy and layed in bed doing some homework. He came into our room and took my clothes off the hangers. I asked “what are you doing?” his response was that his friend needed hangers…. “Well he can go buy hangers, like I bought those hangers?!”.
Immediately he stormed out to deliver the hangers. When he came back in I confronted him with a bitchy “What the hell…?”
“I am done. I can’t do this anymore. I talked to a lawyer, I will pay for everything. You can stay with my parents if you want, but I am staying here.”
Uh- wait- what?!
You mean to tell me I made your freaking breakfast this morning and you’re divorcing me 12 hours later? You’re telling me I have to move out? You’ve talked to a lawyer?!
AND HANGERS WAS THE TIME TO TELL ME THIS???
It was like instantly a whirlwind of emotions hit. I was red with anger while simultaneously wanting to beg for him to change his mind. I was relieved and absolutely terrified within the same second. I was so many new, scary things, and now I was homeless.
I packed quicker than I think I could have packed any other time in my life. I shoved items into suit cases and emptied drawers with a vengeance. I didn’t know where I was going, or how I’d get here. I had no money as he had drained our bank account a week before. I had $14 and an assignment due at 11pm.
I called my Mom/Asskicker friend and lost my shit. She made me rational again… somewhat.
That next morning (Friday) I called out sick at work. I didn’t sleep that night, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t shower. I was on high alert. Everything was raw, everything was real and painful and ugly and I couldn’t ask “why” anymore or I would lose my mind. I couldn’t get dressed, or think, I could barely use my brain to think of the things I needed to finish packing.
I text Mom/Ass Kicker and plainly stated “I can’t think… What do I need to pack?” I sent her pictures of legal and financial documents and she would say yes pack them, no leave them. She said “Bring your books, your laptop, bring anything you don’t want to buy again. Pack your clothes, and extra blankets.” And so I went around the house scratching off my text message packing list.
I knew I didn’t want to see him, so I hurried. I moved as quickly as I could while still trying to be mindful about the things I needed to bring.
Mom/Ass Kicker came in her Mom-Mobile and we packed it to the brim as quick as possible. She stopped me on the last load and said “Okay, I want you to be of clear mind before we leave. Do you have everything?” and I really didn’t know. There was still a house full of stuff I had bought and that he didn’t care about. There was a whole life I was leaving… “Yep. I have my laptop, and clothes… I got it all” and we left.
We stopped to grab food… I was so anxious. Once at her house she had me eat for the first time that day, and told me to take a nap. I left my phone with her because I did NOT want to be alone with it while so emotional. I woke up and she said “go take a swim” and I changed clothes and hopped in the pool. Her kids, oblivious to my shattered life, splashed water and screamed while they were playing. One kid even mooned me. The other farted in the pool. I laughed so hard I thought I might pee on myself.
I was okay. I was laughing, and swimming. I had a full tummy and a bit of sleep goes a long way.
Throughout the day I was texting an old friend saying “Still looking for a roommate” and she was a gem. Within one day she went from living by herself to adopting a 23 year old emotional wreck.
Mom/Ass Kicker dropped me off later that night, after she fed me dinner and sat me down to get some homework done too. (If you are reading this, I love you. And those things were the best things you could of had me do.)
When she dropped me off she came inside, saw where my new life would be. Mom/ Ass Kicker has always been really good at reading when I am super anxious. She looked at me and said “This is good. There’s good vibes here. It’s going to be great!” and even though at that time I probably couldn’t tell you if the sky was blue, I felt like she was right.
I showered in my new place of residence and talked to my new roommate. I submitted my homework, and went to bed.
Even now, months later this story seems so incredibly odd to me. I really didn’t know he wanted a divorce. I didn’t know he had talked to a lawyer. I didn’t know he was capable of acting the way he did….
I didn’t know I could survive such a huge change. I didn’t know if I could financially handle being on my own, I didn’t know I was capable of acting the way I did..
Like all else in life, you live and you learn.