The most I have ever weighed has been 97 pounds. I’m 5.2 on a good day (really I’m 5.1 I just say 5.2 so I feel better about myself). People have always called me thin, Skinny Minnie, tiny… and people always tell me “Go eat a cheeseburger” “Are you anorexic?” “Do you eat?!”
I’ve gotten these questions more and more lately, I’m assuming because the 10 pounds I’ve lost is noticeable. “Divorce Diet” is what people call it. What people don’t see is how I’ve had to stop running because I am concerned about loosing more weight. They don’t see me at 5:30 after work eating a pizza and my roommates leftover lasagna. I am a carbaholic. I used to use the first 15 minutes of my lunch break to eat (because what am I supposed to do for a whole hour??) and then I would walk laps around my work because I had been sitting all day. Until people at work noticed the weight loss and the questions came in heavier about how much weight I had lost, and maybe I should consider not walking at lunch, but I should eat instead (insert cuss words and eye rolls).
Even though the most I’ve weighed is 97, my weight would fluctuate between 94-97 and I wouldn’t ever really worry- that was normal to me! However at my lowest, when I pulled my pants up constantly and my bra would feel loose even on the tightest clip, I was 83 pounds.
THIS IS THE BEST PART!
I went to the doctor a few weeks after the bomb dropped (the divorce bomb) and guess what? He wasn’t concerned in the least about my weight. Obviously he wants me to get back to 97-ish, but he didn’t bat an eyelash.
Stress has such an impact on our bodies, and for me when I was stressed I LOST weight. Some people gain weight, some people break out (I did that too, insert another eye roll), some people have chronic headaches.
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He prescribed me an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medicine. (for obviously reasons… hey, there is no shame in my game.) My first question, knowing that SSRI’s can cause weight gain was “Oh my gosh, does this mean I might actually gain some weight?!?” I was super hopeful. However he said that depression medicine has a higher chance of causing weight gain if you can gain weight to begin with. Considering I can’t gain weight ever (obviously) he said he would be really surprised if I gained at all. Rather, he said to wait a few months when the stress has gone and I should be back in the 90’s relatively soon.
So now here it is almost exactly 3 months after the bomb was dropped and I weigh 93 pounds. Now this still fluctuates, and sometimes I’m 89, and sometimes I weigh 91…
Here’s the thing- weight is super sensitive to everyone. There is skinny shaming, fat shaming, women who stare at super models and strive to look like them. Hey, I am just trying to be the most healthy version I can of MYSELF. And if that doesn’t look like other people- good, I am not other people.
Also- I usually post pictures in these blogs, but I am not about that half-naked selfie life. #sorrynotsorry