Viva Las WhatAmIDoing

packingSo we went to Vegas (and no, you don’t get to know who “we” is). I took a Thursday and Friday off and we hit the road around noon. The car ride was monotonous, there really is only so much desert that can be seen before well, it’s all been seen. We stopped at a convenience store and I practically ran to the bathroom. Now, I have a legitimate phobia of public restrooms. I can’t pin point anything in my life that has caused this, but nevertheless I’d rather pee on myself than enter a public restroom.

Once we were in Vegas I’m pretty sure my eyes just lit up. This Texas born and raised girl who had only ever seen flat, conservative land and, more recently, the palm trees of California had a little thing called “Culture Shock”. Interesting how many “different” people are in the world, and how they all seemed to congregate in Vegas!

Our hotel room was awesome. Now he said it was just a normal room, and didn’t understand why I was so impressed. Huge bed, huge bathtub, and the windows? Overlooked all of Vegas with the most demanding blackout curtains ever. I need blackout curtains in my life now. There are no clocks in the casino, no windows, you could gamble for hours- and we did! Sidenote: I also learned that if you sit at the slots they will bring you drinks… I’m already planning my next trip. 20953326_125637074731191_6631164932108966873_n

Somewhere between seeing Blue Man Group, eating beignets, winning hundreds of dollars and laughing hysterically… It hit me. What am I doing? In my life, in my job, what am I doing to be happy? What am I doing to enjoy my life? Was Vegas amazing because I was so naive to living a life that I wanted? In my marriage, and in many, many other ways, I tried so hard to just be as good as I could be. I neglected all of the things that I loved because I was cooking someones dinner. Didn’t go for a run because I felt I needed to be present at home. I stopped everything that made me ME, until there was just a shell of who I was. But then I was drinking in Vegas with a fantastic friend, getting a henna tattoo on Fremont street and it all came together. I am learning so much about who I am, what I love, what I need in life… and most recently I’ve needed fun!

beingets

Fun has come in a lot of shapes and sizes lately. Vegas, friends, puppy cuddles, buying a car all on my own- so many wonderful things to embrace. I relish the mornings when it’s still silent and I have a cup of coffee on the porch and I breathe in the day. I don’t feel like I am living day to day anymore. I might not have all the answers, and I still have a lot of bad days, but my life is looking up. I’m understanding some really tough things, and holding my ground on the priorities I have set for myself. I have dance parties alone in my room once my roommate has gone to sleep. I went kayaking. Ventured to go whale watching. I lived poolside last weekend. I do what I love, and it feels so good.

horrible

“In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end she just simply changed directions and kept going.” R.M.Drake

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