So this is a topic I never touch on because I feel like it is way too personal and incriminating to the aliases I have made on my blog. But I have written many blogs… More
Soooo. I basically have the best friends ever. First there’s Mom/Ass Kicker letting me use her house as an Amazon package post office and supplying me with animal crackers and macaroni. Then there’s B who has bought me so much stuff for my “apartment”, down to deodorant and conditioner. And then we have Vegas Friend. Who comes to help me all the time with literally everything.
He offered me his truck to help move my stuff.
He supplies me with pepper spray.
Buys my favorite pop tarts and always ensures there’s coffee creamer at his house for me. Ps- he doesn’t drink coffee.
I mention a good wine once and he tries to buy 6 of them- he doesn’t drink alcohol either.
He’s always there for late night “what am I doing with my life” phone calls.
He listens to work drama.
He reads all my blogs and always checks to see how the Vegas Friend ones preform. He likes to think Adultish is growing because of him. Lol. Which is notably true according to my stats.
And then he does some crazy shit like spend his last few hours before having to go to bed to work 12 hours straight to put my bed frame up.
Oh wait- forgot something.
He let’s me crash at his house and vomit when I leave work from a migraine.
I can’t say I “have insomnia” because I’ve yet to make a doctors appointment and be technically labeled an insomniac. But…. I never sleep. For weeks I’ve been sleeping MAYBE 3.5 hours a night. I really don’t even know how I’m alive. I wake up and when I can’t go back to sleep I become really irritable and annoyed. So instead I usually will just get up and get some things done.
Which brings me to- Things You Do At 3AM!
1. Take a foreverly long shower where you shave your entire body to naked-mole-rat-status.
2. Color coordinate your socks- if you own socks. I have like 3 pair and they are all patterned so this doesn’t work for me- but it might for you!
3. Do laundry- because you need clean underwear.
4. Make a grocery list.
5. Put a face mask on and rock out to some music.
6. Reorganize your dresser (for the 7th time)
7. Do your taxes. Because it’s the law. (Is it? Idk. But the IRS is real- so just do them #TurboTaxForTheWin)
8. Contemplate life and all the things you want to accomplish.
9. Make a new list of goals for the month/ week.
10. Clean out your fridge (you filthy animal).
But here are the actual things you do at 3AM-
1. Roll over in bed for the 76th time.
2. Scower instagram, even though there’s no new updates because all of the normal people are asleep.
3. Think about that one email you didn’t respond to.
4. Stress about life as we know it and question when you became an adult.
5. Contemplate going to IHOP because you’re starving.
6. Stick one leg out of the blanket- maybe you’re too hot.
7. Put the leg back in the blanket, monsters are real and they will get that leg.
8. Start to become frustrated when you realize you’re up for good and your whole day will consist of you devouring coffee at an abnormal rate.
9. Regret all the naps you didn’t take as a child.
10. Google “ways to fall asleep” until you stumble across some memes and start texting your friends said memes.
We’ve known each other for years. We went on a “date” (really unsure if it should be called a date, complicated) the night I signed my divorce papers. Now- this was *not* a date. I am not like a total crazy person here who decided 4 minutes after getting a divorce that “I wanted to start dating”. We simply went to dinner.
We spent a lot of time together at first. We would get off work at about the same time, usually make some sort of dinner plans, and sometimes I would stay the night. Now this was also before the time that I drove, so Vegas Friend would pick me up and drop me off all the time.
Dinner, movies, get a massage, go to Vegas, stay in and watch Tosh.0- even weird mundane shit like grocery shopping- I didn’t drive and we both needed to go.
I needed to buy a car so I saved what I thought would be enough for a down payment. Vegas friend and I woke up one morning and he said “wanna go car shopping today?”. And no, I did not. At all. I thought I was going to DIE from anxiety. I wouldn’t even test drive any of the vehicles because I was too scared. I ended up finding my car, and when the dealership wanted X amount of money more for a down payment, Vegas Friend, without hesitation, offered it to me. And I really didn’t want to take it, and it felt weird- but I was also so close to owning that car that I accepted. And of course, I paid him back.
( Side note, I did end up calling Mom/Ass Kicker at the dealership where she was like BUY THE DAMN CAR- in a nice way of course>)
Now I still didn’t have my license and Vegas Friend and I would practice in my car all the time… But I couldn’t bring myself to take the driver’s test. Then one-day Vegas Friend called me on my shit when I was in Texas. Basically, said I didn’t drive because I was too scared to drive, and I was just holding myself back. And he was stupidly correct. So, I made an appointment, took the test and PASSED! Still probably one of the greatest feelings I have had in my life.
Vegas Friend and I have been to Vegas twice, Palm Springs, we do fun random stuff all the time. He helped me move into where I am living now
Now I know what you’re thinking- wow, this “friend” is awfully nice. And yep, he is. But I think it’s obvious by our Vegas trips and sleep overs that we are a smidge more than friends. It’s complicated though- I won’t marry Vegas Friend. He won’t marry me. We won’t ever say I love you, or live together- and we are both 100% okay with that. We have a very low maintenance kind of “relationship” that works for both of us right now- and when it doesn’t work, then we will talk about it.
But this is what I will say… even though I am super hesitant to say these things on a blog…
The things I have learned from Vegas Friend are amazing. (So please Mom/Ass Kicker/ any one else who doesn’t want to know TURN AWAY)
I love traveling.
I love stuffed jalapenos.
There’s no way to see a movie unless it’s with reclining seats.
Sex is supposed to be good for BOTH people.
Star Wars doesn’t suck as much as I thought it would.
Relationships should be built on respect.
Back rubs solve almost everything.
People who respect you will never physically hurt you- in any capacity.
Beignets are a special type of delicious.
Day drinking is acceptable when you are on vacation.
Life is too short to eat crappy food.
What makes sex good is being comfortable and honest with each other.
Shit Vegas Friend does that makes me smile-
Ties my hair in a ponytail when I make cookies so it’s not in my face.
Cleans my car window when he fills my car up (because I don’t like to pump).
Makes sure the heater is on when I come over.
Teaches me to put air in my tires.
Spends money on a henna tattoo for me, knowing it will wash off.
Pretty sure he almost called 911 one day when I was writhing in pain from cramps at his house.
Like I said, it’s REALLY complicated. And I am leaving a few key pieces out here as to why it is so complicated.
But it works, and if for nothing else to teach us both some more lessons in life with a smile- and a lunch buddy.
You know how some people say that if you put something out into the universe that it is more likely to happen? Well I guess it’s true! After the divorce bomb dropped I just needed a place to stay and ASAP. Affordable and safe were my only two criteria. Then as time went along and I started to grow more into who I am now I began to really crave my own space. If I could swing it financially (I live in SoCal…. Real estate here is insane) I would have my own two bedroom apartment… However I am not rich so that was not an option. But I did know I wanted a place to call home, something that was private, judgement free and gave me the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted.
So, 27 days into the new year that’s exactly what I found! Now the humorous thing here is that in December I had a magic 8 ball at Mom/Ass Kickers house and it said I was going to be moving. Thinking I should buy a magic 8 ball for all of life’s questions now.
A friend of mine told me about this place that she knew was for rent. I went to see it and right after called Mom/Ass Kicker, practically screaming “IT’S PERFECT!!!”. Later that same night I stayed at Vegas Friends house and explained all of this to him (ps, if you haven’t figured it out, Vegas Friend is a “him”). I think he met me with normal apprehension, making sure I thoroughly thought all of this through and wasn’t making a rash decision- he’s good at that.
So then I was left to tell my roommate, which you can read about here. And buy a bed, a spatula, and eighty-five other things I didn’t know I needed until I realized you basically can’t function without them.
All of Saturday I spent going back and forth between old house and new house, loading my car up and trekking my belongings up the steepest stairs known to man. Sunday I made eleventy-million (yes, it’s a number) trips to everywhere to buy last minute items and unpacked the last of my things in anticipation for the work week.
My car has stuff all over it- I have never had a dirty car. I have milk, sandwich makings, and coffee creamer in my fridge. But hey- my entire “house” is decorated! Excluding the kitchen cause it’s ugly and I am not set on what I will do with it yet.
Vegas Friend came over Sunday night before we went to dinner to check out my new Home Sweet Home. He did a somewhat safety inspection, told me to get a new lock for my door and generally approved- then laughed at the kitchen.
This feeling is amazing though. Having my own space. Being responsible for only me, never having to talk to anyone else. It’s magical!
It’s 3AM right now on the third night in a row of not sleeping. The first night I didn’t sleep because I was stressed an emotional. Cried and cried. The second night I couldn’t sleep because all I could think about was how many spatulas one person might need. The third night, well. Half of my room is disseminated, piles for trash and giveaway, making sure I have everything.
I am moving even closer to work (as if I wasn’t close already). I am moving into *basically* my own place. The owners took one incredibly large master bedroom and put a wall up, then created a kitchen. Full size fridge and everything. I have my own bathroom, own pantry- it’s all mine… by myself.
And while I can’t say I’m not freakishly excited, it also feels “wrong” in a way. I have never been completely by myself before. It’s definitely a stepping stone in adulting. I am some kind of “scared” or something. I have house sat before and I love it- everythings quiet and all mine. My roommate frequently goes on trips and I am home alone. But this is different. This is my own space, my own stuff.
The place (definitely need to think of a name for my new home… any suggestions??) isn’t furnished- which, keeping with the theme of positivity, is good! It gives me a chance to buy my own furniture (gradually though, I am already freaking out about the fact I don’t own towels or a single spatula). Vegas Friend has an air mattress I will be sleeping on for a few weeks (maybe two… I just don’t have the courage to buy a bed.. I don’t think).
This also means a whole new budget! Yay!
I am so incredibly excited. I have learned a lot by living here with my roommate. The basis of being a grown up and paying rent. Telling her I was moving out was hard. I cried just because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but as she said, it’s a time to spread my wings. (Insert anxious persons mind here: SPREAD MY WINGS? I AM NOT A BIRD, I DO NOT HAVE WINGS, WHAT AM I DOING DOING BIRD THINGS?!?!?!)
Vegas Friend has an extra set of silverware and plates, AssKicker Mom has a surplus of towels I can have. A friend at work has a dresser. It’s all coming together quite smoothly. Now granted, I don’t have a spatula, knife, cutting board, heater, bath mat, oven mitts and like 30 other super important things- but that’s okay.
Now, as far as the divorce…. You’re going to get a kick out of this. You know how some questions just can’t be sugar coated? Mhhkay…
I text my ex randomly last week saying exactly this “so, are we divorced yet?”
Insert seal laugh/clapping here. I didn’t do it to be mean! Like how else was I supposed to ask that? I think his response was “I think so” (sidenote: love how neither of us know). I guess we are waiting on the judge or some garbage that his lawyer promised would be done over a month ago.
Considering the possibly-maybe-could-be-slightly-divorced box I now check at the doctors office, I did a thing. I made a “Divorce Party” registry on Target, listed those stinking spatulas and even a salt and pepper shaker (because I don’t even have that… bahahahha). Which I am not going to lie, the last time I did a registry was for my wedding. But when the bomb dropped I only packed my clothes and hair products (duh) and left EVERY SINGLE THING THERE. Stinker has a crockpot I bet he never uses.
I am excited for what all of this means for Adultish. Basically, I am going to learn a stink-ton more of life lessons- and you guys get to hear all about it! Just don’t let me sell my kidney when things get rough, okay? Cause I have already looked up the price.
I got inspired to write this after I sent off my ten positives to Mom/Ass Kicker (if you don’t know what I am talking about click here). I was laughing at the half-ass things I have learned that have made me *seem* like I know what I am doing- but I TOTALLY DO NOT. And then it made me think about all of the things that I have figured out within the past eight-ish months or so.
First things first, COFFEE. My life would be nothing with out coffee. Between post-divorce insomnia and an anxious mind I rarely sleep and if it weren’t for coffee I don’t think I would even manage to put my shoes on the right feet. This is also what helped me get my Starbucks Gold card in… uhm… no time flat.
Plan Ahead- this is one of those things that you do not want to do- but once you do it just once or twice you learn the value of it. Example: setting out your clothes the night before. I always want to just climb in bed and go to sleep- but then I realize that when I don’t set my clothes out the night before I end up with a tornado of clothes, running late for work, and ultimately stressed. Planning ahead can be as simple as setting your clothes out/ meal planning/ anything that promotes simplicity.
Dry shampoo- it is your friend, your best friend. Home girl does NOT have time to do my hair everyday, and survey says washing your hair everyday isn’t healthy for it- so dry shampoo yourself up and gain some more time in your life. Conversely- shave your head. I have thought about it. #noshame
Live by the “one touch” rule. Basically this is where instead of coming home from work and putting your coat, keys, bag, phone all on the couch “to move later” you just put it away. This might seem like more work than what you want to do- but the alternative is a messy AF house with shit everywhere and you being uber overwhelmed.
Life a life of simplicity, especially if you’re basically dead to begin with. Go back to basics- clean up your living environment, minimize, sort through the things that are clouding your mind and your life and embrace only the things that bring you joy #ThanksKonMari. When you do this there is a feeling of relief, a weigh lifted off your shoulder knowing you’re not stepping over shit you don’t need, emotionally or physically.
Devote one day to GYSTing. I talk about this a lot on Adultish mainly because it’s how I survive. I pick one day, usually Sunday to fill up my car, do my laundry, restock coffee, ensure I have enough creamer for the week, clean out my car and anything else that was neglected over the week. In doing this you never get overtly behind in anything.
Develop a routine. A night routine/GYST routine/ morning routine- develop any sort of regimented protocol you can follow to help with getting your life in order. Doing so helps ensure that you get what needs to be done done and routines are just all around good for your soul. Develop a “self care” routine. Journal, meditate, listen to your favorite radio station getting ready, collect crystals- do something that feeds your soul, especially when it is already feeling depleted.
And as always, if you don’t know what will feed your soul, if you don’t have routines set in place that work for you, or if you just plain old don’t even know where to start- just go stalk the blogs I have written. I learned a crap ton of hard lessons- so maybe I could spare you of some.
This blog is brought to you in part by divorce, learning to survive your twenties and the inevitable mental breakdown.
I “grew up” really fast. I would say my childhood was completed by the time of 8, and then it was all about responsibility. I always had a really good cushion in life though when it came to my living situation. When I moved out I went to live with my aunt and uncle, rent free. Then I moved in with my then-boyfriend-now-ex-husband, rent free. But when I got divorced it was a whole new world of rent, car insurance, and meals for one. WHAT IS LIFE. Who knows, but these are my tips along the way.
Budget, budget, and budget again. I know a lot of concern comes from when we feel the budget we just implemented doesn’t work after a few weeks- that’s because a budget should be ever evolving. The moment there is a $5 discrepancy, or you had an emergency expense come up- it’s time for a new budget.
Along with budgeting is automatic bill pay. Be it scheduling a check to go out a few days prior to when rent is due, or signing up for automatic payment with Sprint for your phone bill.
Don’t utilize all of your available credit. For instance, if you have a credit card and the limit is $500 a month, do not put $500 on it even if you’re paying it off. Your credit score is based on the amount of credit you’re using paired with the amount of remaining credit. If you utilize all of your available credit you are “maxing out”, even if you pay off or not.
Shop around. Amazon is really tempting but the dollar store and Walmart are usually cheaper- and no need to wait for it to ship.
Also with Amazon, use your shopping cart for thinking. If you REALLY want a new car stereo- add it in your cart and let it be. One of three things will happen. One- you will decide against it. Two- it will go on sale and you will buy it. Three- you will buy it after waiting and know your decision was justified. 2/3 involve saving money.
Your health is really important. I am really NOT the most reliable source for healthy eating as my diet is mainly coffee and leftovers- but small simple changes make a huge impact. Drink all the coffee you want- but flush it out with water. Eat (at least) three meals a day. Make at least one high in protein, one high in veggies/ vitamins/ minerals, and another just make it delicious! Meal prep and save your life. (nobutseriously) know what you like, buy it and make it. You won’t go out to eat as much, and you’ll actually eat!
Challenge yourself to 30 days of no spending. This is easiest at the beginning of a month. Pay your rent, insurance, gas- all the necessities. Buy groceries that you NEED to make the meals you will EAT. And *do not spend another penny* this is when the amazon cart trick is helpful, same with meal planning.
Look up anything and everything by Dave Ramsey. Figure out how to debt snowball- GET OUT OF DEBT. This has got to be the biggest thing ever. Once you pay off your debts you will have so much additional money left over each month- it’s almost like a second job.
Build your savings. Start with saving $1,000 and DO NOT TOUCH IT. This comes in handy when you do have automatic bill pay but not enough money in your checking’s. (Sidenote: make sure you bank doesn’t penalize you if they have to take out of your savings)
Finally- realize that all of these things combined help you reach your end goal in life- financial freedom… oh, and being an adult/ having your shit together.