I am so fascinated by the idea of minimalism. And while I am nowhere near a complete minimalist, I really appreciate the concept of having less stuff, and less clutter. I do live in a… More
We talk about depression a lot on my blog because it’s a battle that effects so many people, and also has a nasty stigma around it. Here at Adultish, I try to break that stigma. I want to make sure that even though depression is real, and ugly, and can totally derail your life that you CAN kick it’s ass. Even when you don’t feel like you can go on for another day it’s totally possible to overcome.
You have to remind yourself that depression is an everyday battle. Not in a negative way, in a positive way! Every day is brand new, and some days are really good days! And some day’s are harder than others- and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. You cherish the good days and make lemonade with the bad.
What ever you do in the day, GET UP. You have to get out of bed, and I know it’s so hard especially with every thought you have being challenged by some other thought- but if you defeat even ONE thought you will win the war.
Take depression medicine if you feel comfortable with it. I can’t say my depression medicine is 100% good days, but I have much less bad days with it.
Know that it’s just your brain (and chemicals and hormones and all that crap too) but know that it’s only in your head. I don’t mean this in a jerk “it’s all in your head so just get over it” type of way. I learned I can literally catch myself slipping into depression and those thoughts and I have to tell myself NOPE- NOT TODAY. And then I usually get ice cream if I make it out of the house.
Know what makes you tick. I know for me if I get really lonely, or really overwhelmed it’s hard for me not to fall into the black hole of hating my life. Instead if I know I am going to be alone or overwhelmed I make plans or a mental note to occupy myself so I can try and stop the insanity before it happens.
Let your friends in to what is going on with you. I talk about this a lot but majority of the time if I tell Vegas Friend or Ass Kicker Mom that I’m having a bad day we talk about it for a while and then one of them forces me to get up, get out, move around, and just stop thinking about it.
I think it is totally possible to manage depression- but you have to take care of yourself and your mental state well enough to know when you are falling into depression in order to catch yourself.
The time has finally come, and I can officially let you all into the most recent part of my life. Drum roll please.
I am officially divorced. Shocking I know, huh? Especially if you’ve been keeping up with my journey to divorce. But yes, the day has come, and I feel- well. I feel a lot of ways that I wasn’t expecting to feel.
I have been waiting to be divorced for quite some time. But now with that date stamped letter I just feel kind of odd. I am 24 years old and divorced. I can’t say that this is the life I thought I would have when I was younger, but it is the life that I have so I have no choice but to deal with it.
When I opened the letter from his lawyer I just felt very empty. I have moved on the most anyone could move on- I am involved with someone else, I don’t speak to my ex- heck, he didn’t even tell me happy birthday. We are 100% over. But man, those papers made everything seem so much more intense, official, and real!
It took me a few minutes to shake that feeling, and now I am just 24, divorced and totally fine. I think. Divorce is a silly thing. My divorce was possibly the best thing that ever happened. I am a completely different person now and it astonishes me every single day. Getting a divorce shows you how strong. resilient and hardworking you can truly be.
I’ve learned how to be a serious grown up with a car payment and deadlines, a routine I try to stick to and a life full of things I love. Being divorced means I can (possibly, still waiting to hear back) get financial aid for the university I attend so I am not paying out of pocket any more.
Though I can’t say I “recommend” divorce to any one (cause that’s kind of mean and rude) I will say that it was the most defining thing in my life. Given any situation if you make the correct choices you can always end up on top. I mean, even Jaclyn Hill is going through a divorce and seriously slaying life, so I am pretttty sure it’s possible.
Every so often you come across certain people in life who become instrumental in shaping your mindset. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for late night conversations and tears on my friends porches/ couches/ coffee shops. This life is a little rough at times and I’ve found sometimes you just need someone to tell you straight.
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. When I was on my way to Cancun and explaining mine and Vegas Friends relationship to an old friend she told me “go have fun and enjoy Cancun…. and don’t ever feel like you have to explain yourself to someone”. And holy crap that was so powerful! We don’t have to justify how we feel or why we feel like that. Happiness is what matters, and if you’re happy- you’re golden.
Invest your time wisely in those you surround yourself with. This comes from another really good friend. It’s kind of like that saying “you are what you eat”- you become who you spend the most amount of time with. Make sure you are consciously deciding who to share your time with because those people end up sharing their beliefs and behaviors with you as well.
Your “wants” in life are just as important as anyone else’s. As humans in general I think we tend to put ourselves last. While I am the first person to give the shirt off my back, I have learned the difference between merely helping someone out, and downright inconveniencing yourself to help someone. While I believe in kindness and compassion- I also believe we must treat ourselves kindly as well, or else we will be so burned out and grouchy no one will win.
Failing to plan, is planning to fail. One of my good friends explained that you wouldn’t have a baby and not buy a crib, or research hospitals right? Of course not! That would be insane and you would be so overwhelmed and unprepared with that new screaming child; failure would be automatic. When big life changes happen, or even small ones that cause you to reevaluate your time you have to plan accordingly if you want to be successful.
Sometimes you are your biggest obstacle. This was huge for me. I was in Texas visiting family and Vegas Friend told me straight about my anxiety of driving. Basically I was self sabotaging, letting my anxiety and fear control a huge part of my life and hindering me from getting my license. It was one of the roughest conversations to have, but I am so grateful he talked some sense into me.
I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for some of my closest friends and their words of smart ass wisdom. Just make sure when people are giving you advise or life stories that you LISTEN to them, instead of letting it go in one ear and out the other- you know, like we do with parents.
After 4 flights, 8 hours of layovers, more than 20 hours of travel and only showers with minimal water pressure- I was aching for a refresh of sorts. I find myself seeking a refresh in two times. One is when I have had a really long week and I begin to feel as if the week is swallowing me whole. I tend to lose myself, rational thoughts, and my positivity after a while. Two is when I have neglected my responsibilities or been away for a while and have to jump back into reality.
This blog is all about number two. Cancun was so great, but reality always smacks you in the face. Having severe anxiety I plan, replan and over plan the things I will do from the moment I get home to the moment I go to sleep- exhausting I know. There are different types of refreshing though, depending on the need.
You can mentally refresh- which I find myself doing on the weekends, or on Friday nights as my work week comes to an end. I find so much importance in making sure you are mentally in a good place, as it sets the tone for the day. A few ways I do this (I guess because I am a Californian/hippy/millennial/freak) are to diffuse some essential oils. I like to make sure my surroundings are clean, and free of mess and clutter. I will take a long hot shower, write a blog not to be publish (there’s a ton!) or even do some yoga. Some times I will just listen to music or have a little dance party in my room- whatever makes me feel free, and clear, and happy.
I have always loved and appreciated the saying that “a clear home is a clear mind”. It’s taken me a really long time to be able to keep my place at a constant state of clean, and most of it is sheer laziness and maybe 2% time. I always like to start my week off with a clean home, clean clothes, I will clean out my purse- any task to just get rid of the old and in with the new I fully embrace. Isn’t it always nicer to wake up and come home to a clean house? I think so.
Then there is the emotional refresh. This is tricky for me, always. Because I struggle with anxiety I find myself constantly wrapped up in the “what if’s” and those thoughts steal your happiness. Sometimes, because I am a child apparently, I really just have to tell myself “it’s okay, you’re okay, everything is okay” (told you I was a child). Emotionally this just lets me release what I am freaking out about move on to what really matters- like coffee and cookie dough.
Considering I am experiencing a vacation hangover to the Nth degree right now, I’ve implemented all of these steps. It can be hard to transition from a work week to weekend, or vacay to work week- but positivity is the key. You just take that hangover, smother it in essential oils, give it a nap and some coffee- you’ll be good as new.
Vegas Friend and I took a small private tour to Chichen Itza (which we called chicken pizza). We met up with two couples, one from Dallas, and one from just outside London. Dallas Friends, Steve Jobs (not the actual Steve Jobs, duhhh) and Hannah Montana who had been to Mexico 4 times before! Our London Friends, let’s call them Adele and Vanilla Ice, were an absolute hoot. Younger than me but finally stable enough for the airfare and all inclusive resorts- they were gems.
We had quite the early start, waking up at 5:15, taking a taxi to the ferry, ferry to the first private car, then to the second private car to pick up our London Friends. We were met on the second ride by our Dallas Friends- celebrating their 6 year wedding anniversary and the nicest people of life
I am not a person to socialize just because well…. I’m the most anxious person of life but Vegas Friend made small talk quite soon- so I had no choice. My rational mind knew that this was smart since we would be spending 12 hours with these humans. We ended up talking A LOT. About schools we went to, our jobs, families, marriage, divorce, kids- everything! By time our almost 3 hour ride to Chicken Pizza was over we were all pretty comfortable with each other.
Adele, and I basically died on the trip. It was so incredibly hot, and humid, and someone was making these jaguar calls and freaking us out. It got to a point where we were questioning if we would make it out alive.
Speaking of alive, our tour guide took us right by a Cenote… conveniently located by an altar. He proceeded to tell us that right down that Cenote were hundreds of bodies from a long time ago. Human Sacrifices to the Mayan Gods. Adele and I were shook.
Fast forward to when we got to swim in one of the Cenotes (not the dead body one). Hannah Montana and I were FREEZING to death in a cave that could collapse and had a depth of 150 feet! We treaded water for as long as possible then got a little freaked thinking about how we wouldn’t be able to touch the bottom if we needed a break so went on over to the ropes for a bit of a reprieve.
This trip was so incredibly fun. Poor Adele was incredibly sunburned and Hannah Montana and I were exhausted. We laughed about cultural differences, the colloquialism differences and how Americans only ever talk about food.
If I were to recommend anything it would be to bring snacks, a water bottle to spray your body to cool down, an umbrella to shade the sun- and always speak to your tour buddies. So much fun!
We meet again sunburn and vodka. I have missed you so. A vacation was long over due- so it makes a little sense if we went overboard on this one… overboard as in a picture every thirty-two seconds. Let’s recap-
First we took a ferry ride to the island. Immediately upon stepping out of the airport my jacket came off. So incredibly beautiful… and hot and muggy.
This was our hotel. Hiiiiiiiii. We wanted an ocean front view. Safe to say they delivered. There were birds nesting outside our place on the beach, a magnificent breeze and the most relaxing sound of crashing waves. Yes. Please.
We couldn’t check into our hotel until three so we (I) drank and took a nap on a swing bed that overlooked the ocean.
The beach there was unbelievable. So incredibly beautiful. Growing up in Texas and going to Galveston Beach set my expectations for beaches quite low and I was in awe.
When the hotel found out it was my birthday I got a cute gift and some chocolate goodies that I ate right after we got into the hotel, showered, and napped. Exhaustion was an understatement.
We stayed at an all inclusive, Mia Reef in Isla Mujeres and the coffee was divine. No creamer needed. I worked on a ton of blogs (this one) and caught up on social media while sipping my coffee and eating pancakes. #American
For a before dinner snack we ventured to Cevicheria Amador and had some ridiculously delicious shrimp tacos. Just watch out for that Chipotle Sauce because it will make you cry for your mama.
Then some drunk guy spilled his beer down my white dress and Vegas Friend asked if he’d like me to kick his ass. That pretty much ended the PG version of days one and two.
Stay tuned mi amigos!
I am not one to blatantly complain (who am I kidding, yes I am). However, long flights have to be my absolute DEMISE. Recirculated air, wearing a seatbelt for hours on end and cups of water the size of a shot glass. I researched long and hard to make sure I would be sufficiently prepared for my trip- and boy I am glad I did!
Socks and a blanket were my token items. Two plane changes to and from, so a total of four boardings- each time I reached for socks and a blanket. I am also constantly cold, so maybe take the blanket as merely a suggestion.
I could not have survived if it weren’t for my iPad. Secret- writing this on the plane now as some stinky person is ripping farts right and left; gag. We watched movies, played solitaire, I worked on a ton of blog posts, listened to music- totally worth it.
Snacks Snacks Snacks. Did I mention snacks? They pass the time, keep you from getting hangry and hey, who doesn’t like chocolate.
Be comfortable. I wore leggings, flip flops, a camisole, T-shirt and had a zip up hoodie. This worked really well for me since I was really cold in the airports and got pretty warm towards the end of the flight. I was able to take my T-shirt off when I got too hot and instead wore my cami and jacket. Winner winner chicken dinner.
Pack for practicality. Make sure you know exactly which pocket your headphones, chapstick and socks are in. It’s uncomfortable enough to be on a plane and crouching down to get things, save yourself the trouble at know where things are.
Last but never least- know that you will eventually get off that plane. Sure, everyone stinks and it’s hot, you have to pee and hate public bathrooms (oh, right that’s me)… your flight will be over eventually and you will get to use normal restrooms and not be subjected to other peoples ass gas.
Keeping it real here.